• Pain, agony of couples forced to break up over genotype
By Kate Halim
What therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder. So goes the Bible in the book of Matthew.
Well, what God joined together, certain factors and circumstances are now putting asunder, sometimes with the cooperation of the couples. One of such is the issue of genotype compatibility.
Today, love is not enough when it comes to choosing a life partner without checking for genotype compatibility. The heartbreak of watching their children suffer for their decision to get married when their genotypes are not compatible has compelled some people to end their relationships.
Ihuoma Obidike is 27 years old. She told Saturday Sun that dating for marriage has been hectic for her because of her genotype. The graduate of Microbiology revealed that she is AS and because of this, she said that whenever she starts dating a man, she quickly asks him his genotype and if he is AS she tells him that they can’t get married.
“I didn’t take this seriously initially when I started dating and paid dearly for it. I met a guy who ticked all my boxes. He was a good man who loved and respected me. We had a good time and supported each other for two years. We started planning our marriage four years ago and both families asked us to go for a genotype test. I almost died when the results came out. We were both AS and that was how we painfully ended our beautiful relationship”, she said.
Obidike recalled that when she met another guy two years ago and he started talking about marrying her, she asked him if he knew his genotype and he got angry. She said that he queried her about her intentions for asking him about his genotype and when she told him that she didn’t want them to get married and bring sickle cell children into the world to suffer; he told her that she didn’t have faith in God.
“According to this guy, as a Christian, you shouldn’t doubt the ability of God to perform miracles which include changing people’s genotype from SS to AS. I was shocked to hear him talk about how a couple should get married even if they are both AS and God will take care of their children. I told him that I don’t want to tempt God and that if he wanted to get married as an AS, I wouldn’t marry him. I broke up with him and even though it was hard, I had to do it.”
The makeup artist said it is hard to get a good man who wants to settle down these days and when she adds genotype compatibility to the list of what she should look out for when dating, relationships become hectic. She stated that these days, once she goes out twice with a guy, she asks him what his genotype is on the third date so that they don’t end up wasting each other’s time.
Mr Prosper Amah is an architect based in Abuja. He said that due to the nature of his job, he gets to meet beautiful women all the time and that was how he met the love of his life in 2018. “The first time I saw her, I was slightly intimidated because she was beautiful, smart, hardworking, independent and rich. I didn’t know how to approach her. I kept planning about how to start a conversation with her for a week and when I finally did, I was surprised that she was loving, warm and kind too. We had interesting conversations about different topics and sparks were flying between us,” he said.
Chuckling, Amah revealed three weeks after they first met, they went on their first date. He stated that they had a good relationship with normal couple disagreements and fights once in a while. “But one thing that was evident was that we loved each other. We were partners, and we supported each other in every sense of the word and we defended each other. We decided to get married after dating for almost three years, which was the beginning of the end for us.”
He stated that after he and his girlfriend met both families, there were serious preparations going on for their upcoming marriage. “One day while hanging out with my friend, he jokingly asked me if I knew my genotype. I told him I was AA and my fiancée was AS. He asked me if we recently did genotype tests to confirm this but I told him I did one in secondary school. He told me to go and get tested again. Looking back now, I feel like God used him to save us from making one of the worst mistakes of our lives,” Amah said.
Amah revealed that he and his fiancée went for genotype tests the following week and got devastating news. They were both AS. He said that the joy with which they went for the tests evaporated when they saw the results. “I wiped my eyes to be sure I was seeing the correct thing but my genotype was AS. We didn’t believe it so we ran the tests in two other different laboratories and the results were the same. We both cried for days because we knew that our relationship had to end.”
Amah who is now married and expecting a child noted that even though he didn’t marry the love of his life due to genotype incompatibility, he was glad they took the decision to go their separate ways so as not to stain their love with constant problems in the future. He added that his wife is a lot like the woman he didn’t marry and most times, he thinks about how his life would have been if he married her and they ended up having children with sickle cell disease.
Stella Ovienumo has two siblings living with sickle cell disease. She said that watching her siblings writhe in pain whenever they have a health crisis breaks her heart and strengthens her resolve to marry a man who has a genotype AA.
“I pity my parents because they have gone through a lot over the years caring for my sickly siblings. I see them fight, struggle and then put up a united front for my siblings. The emotional, physical and financial stress of taking care of my siblings living with sickle cell has taken a toll on their relationship,” she said.
As the first child of her parents, Ovienumo told Saturday Sun that she ended a relationship last year because her genotype of AS wasn’t compatible with that of the guy. She noted that even though it was painful to let the man she loved go, she was glad she did because she couldn’t deliberately put her unborn children through the kind of pain two of her siblings have lived through all their young lives.
“When I met my last boyfriend, it was love at first sight. We connected immediately. It was as if we had been waiting for each other all along. We met in church and started dating almost immediately. But after some months, I told him I was AS and asked for his genotype. When he told me he was AS I knew we had to end our relationship.”
Ovienumo further revealed that even though she knew in her heart that she wouldn’t marry the guy, they still carried on with the relationship for over six months before they finally called it quits. She recalled that she kept begging him to stop contacting her because she couldn’t say no to his requests for them to meet and have fun as couples do.
She said that after telling him to move on and he refused, she invited him to the hospital one day to see one of her siblings who had a crisis and was hospitalized for days. “I made sure he slept over with me at the hospital with my younger sister and he witnessed what she went through that night. I was glad he saw how she was in pain, struggled to breathe and was running temperature even though she was receiving treatment. Two days later, I asked him if he still wanted us to get married and have children, and he said no. That was how we broke up but we are still friends. I’m getting married in six months’ time to a man who loves me and my ex is invited to my wedding.”
A fashion designer, Adunni Adeoye said that breaking up with the man she loved because of genotype incompatibility hurts differently. The mother of one told Saturday Sun that before she got married early last year, she ended two relationships and called off an engagement because she didn’t want to add genotype problems to her marital issues. She noted that even though she is a Christian and believes that God can do the impossible, she said she doesn’t want to tempt her creator by leaving anything to chance when it comes to having children who might end up with sickle cell genes.
Adeoye, a graduate of English lamented about how hard it is to let go of a relationship after spending time nurturing it. She stated that she got tired of being careful when dating because of her genotype and has prayed to God to give her husband without stress. “As a woman ages in this society, it gets harder to get a good man to marry. Most of the guys out there these days are irresponsible leeches who are looking forward to living off financially independent women. When you now see one who is responsible, respectful and loving, genotype issues will rip him off your hands. I am glad I met a good man and finally settled down”, she added.
A businessman, Jude Ogbodo who recently got married said that he ended a long relationship which was headed for the altar due to a genotype issue. Ogbodo added that it broke his heart to see his ex crying uncontrollably after he ended their relationship.
“She was a good girl. She was respectful, patient and humble. We dated for five years and talked about marriage when our church leaders told us to go for a genotype test. When the results came out, the church told us that we couldn’t get married because we both had the AS genes. I was devastated and she was shattered,”
Ogbodo confessed that it took him and his ex over a month to end their relationship because they couldn’t envisage life without each other. He stated that even though they both felt bad, they knew what needed to be done and they gave themselves time to break free from each other.
He said: “Even though I got married to someone else, I still miss my ex. I hope she finds a better man that will love her and treat her right. We are still in touch but we don’t talk unless it is essential, I have to respect my wife and put my marriage first. It is painful to end a relationship due to genotype incompatibility but in the long run, the people involved will know that it is the best decision they can take for their unborn children.”