By Ebere Wabara
For starters, the infinitesimal cub and unknown mod in the above headline, stocky Don Ubani (about 4ft tall), was a public jester (“Ajasco” dancer) and local master of ceremonies (compere) before former Senate President, Chief Adolphus Wabara, brushed him up from his village and took him to Abuja, from where he came to Government House, Umuahia, Abia State, as a full-time hack and clinical attack dog under the callousness of ex-Gov. T. A. Orji. More on his skinhead and charlatanistic trajectory presently…
As a matter of profound principle, I do not respond to salacious yarns published by a choleric, ill-bred bunkum like Don Ubani on new technologies, comprising the social media and sundry telephonic platforms because of the inestimable abuse of such communicative and informational tools by a hustler like Don Ubani of no credible source of livelihood in the past 40 years of his 60-plus existential tragedy. Similarly, I equally do not dignify provincial and jaundiced rag-sheets exclusively steeped in mercenary-cum-mercantilist indulgences and yellow journalism of fallacies with the Abia State insolvent (seven-month salary backlog) publication, The Ambassador, as a survivalist template where an established dunderhead and social pervert like Don Ubani clownishly advertises his half-literacy and blissful ignorance on the back page weekly!
Sometime ago, this asinine bloke called Don Ubani (hereinafter described in fitting nomenclatures that capture his imbecility) – in other words, no more mention of this horrendously notorious name in this essay on this rascal except when inevitable – spurn his calumnious trite on me on the gutter state newspaper. Last Tuesday, he rehashed the idiocies earlier published in his vituperative column, which I ignored, this time through an online medium to which my attention was drawn to by friends of mine, who know my aversion to such lousy and unprofessional channels.
I know full well that lies when oft-repeated may assume truthfulness, especially to the gullible members of the society. This realisation compelled me to address the juvenile inanities raised by the bohemian before returning to our running tripod on the demented kindergartner stunted in adulthood! Responding to this insane rolling-stone named Don Ubani, who has never gathered any moss after fatherly curse is infra dig, but I have to do it before people are misled by his incurable insanity.
Now the prefatory stupidity from the vicious and accursed deviant: “Some time (sic) in second half (sic) (in the second half) of 2014, I had made some responses to a particular write-up (sic) by a former governor of Abia State, Chief Orji Uzor Kalu, which he purportedly wrote under Orji Uzor Kalu leadership series (sic) in his paper (sic), The Sun. An attack dog of the former governor, one Ebere Wabara, took it as a responsibility to rain all manner of abuses on me, using his master’s Abia State (sic)-facilitated newspaper.”
Going by the conspectus of schoolboy howlers in the interjections of this depraved and very brief Ngwa empty drum, should I really be commenting on his moronic interruptions? For those who do not know, this same harebrained and amnesic buffoon worked for Dr. Orji Uzor Kalu when he was the governor of Abia State. His eternal grouse about Dr. Kalu is that the publisher of The Sun and The New Telegraph disengaged him on grounds of his treachery and kleptomaniac tendencies. Thereafter, he aligned with the worst governor in human history, Mr. Theodore Ahamefule Orji. All through the disastrous administration of Orji, this tomfool that is taking my precious time made Dr. Kalu, his former benefactor, a subject of scurrility! He is not relenting, as he keeps futilely displaying his bovine intelligence with serial venomous onslaughts on Dr. Kalu as exemplified above.
A fortnight ago, I wrote a full-page article, entitled: “Now where are T. A. Orji’s attack dogs?” I deliberately did not mention any name in that reflective essay. If I did, our subject today would have been number one. The baboon in his senile audacity has the effrontery and plagiaristic speciousness to call me an attack dog of Dr. Kalu whose gastronomical crumbs he fed fat on a few years ago.
This smallish fry in question also brainwaves always about the initial funding of The Sun (“Abia State-facilitated newspaper,” according to the monkey under focus): I have consistently challenged this tiny tot – almost close to the ground – and his fellow mites to desist from their drunken pub gossip about the foundational funding of The Sun and take evidential documents to the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission. The Don Ubani moppets and their tribe of envious papooses, who are jealous of the institutional glory and flourish of The Sun titles should be creative in their stupefaction over Dr. Kalu and his racy publications. For me, the viral diatribes on my media advisory relationship with Dr. Kalu from this school of numbskulls have become puerile.
This unstable traitor called me on June 15, 2015, with this number (08035523360) to apologise over his reckless and unwarranted stupidities, concerning Dr. Kalu and equally lamented to me how he tried in vain to talk T. A. Orji out of my abduction masterminded by him (Orji). After the belatedly platitudinous submissions and crocodile restitution, this bambino shocked me by confiding in me in lachrymal tones that T. A. Orji owed him seven months’ allowances without any peanut pay-off whatsoever, additionally!
Don Ubani at a point became the fleeting Information and Strategy (which propagandistic strategy?) Commissioner of T. A. Orji in recompense for his inexplicable rudeness to Dr. Kalu. All he did was adumbration of his master’s unparalleled falsehood, photo-shop display of mirage projects and vacuous denigration, criminalisation, demonisation and calumniation of Dr. Kalu. According to an erstwhile friend of mine and one of the former media aides of T. A. Orji (who prefers anonymity), Don Ubani, again, lost his job because of holistic incompetency, incapacity and rapacity.
Don Ubani briefly worked with my cousin and former Senate President, Chief Adolphus Wabara. Unsurprisingly and unceremoniously, the cherub was bundled from Abuja to God’s Own State because the country’s number three citizen was alarmed, horrified and scandalised that one of Don Ubani’s offspring was arrested for armed robbery and shot dead in Port Harcourt, Rivers State, by a vigilance group!
The foregoing is the scandalous pedigree of the stripling moonlighting with concoctions, fabrications, spins and fairy-tales about the Kalus and Wabaras. The next paragraph explains the horrible and pitiable circumstances of this sonny and why he inevitably drips in crass ludicrousness!
An unimpeachable source informed me last week that Don Ubani’s father cursed him because of irreconcilable spousal differences between his parents and Don’s foolish departure with his mother for another man! This, indeed, explains Don’s (a.k.a. dunce) floundering and traitorous characterisation. With such gargantuan emotional trauma and aforementioned banditry inclinations, I sympathise with Don Ubani over this perpetually irredeemable affliction of a well-deserved curse. The worst thing that can happen to any man is for his father to curse him. No spiritual warfare or other forms supernatural humanism can reverse it.
Still on the idiocies of the urchin named Don Ubani with miscreant antecedents: “…taking his outbursts as the rantings of a frustrated and dejected person….Rather, I decided to conduct a histo-(sic)psychological search on him. That inquiry was necessary because Ebere Wabara, in many of his write-ups (sic), had boasted of having many streams of income.”
Between a man who was cursed by his father for backing his (Don) mother’s sins and a celebrated multi-columnist/emeritus national newspaper editor/distinguished banker/PR icon/language therapist/scholar/profuse employment track record/robust academic credentials/propertied aristocrat, amid quintessential careers in ETB/Sterling Banks and Globacom (the grandmasters of data and largest data network), all at managerial levels, et al, I do not know who should be “a frustrated and dejected person.” It is not a boast, but an irrefutable and unassailable fact: By the grace of God, I have multiple streams of income whether a nipper like Don Ubani likes it or not. On my honour as an Anglican, with my current resources alone – not anticipated financial accruals based on ROI and other fixed incomes – I should feed Don Ubani for the rest of his miserable life of a moss-less rolling stone! Indeed, one of my wife’s shopping malls will feed the Ubanis ad infinitum!
Yet another preposterous entry by the clannish MC: “Ebere Wabara is so irresponsible and unorganised that, at an age of more than fifty, he has no hut of his own in his Umuogor village. In the same degree of irresponsibility, Ebere Wabara, who had boasted of having many streams of income, has no house of his own in Lagos where he lives. Ebere Wabara does not even live a decent part of Lagos. He lives in a dilapidated house that has no water reticulation upstairs in a shanty in Lagos.
“Due to his recklessness and gross irresponsibility, he has not been living up to landlord/tenant obligations. Hence, he has been served with a quit notice.
“In order to vent his frustration and anger, Ebere Wabara remembers Don Ubani and wants to transfer his aggression to him.”
What balderdash from an ignoramus, who thinks of his father’s curse sleeplessly! An offer: Anytime Don Ubani comes to Lagos, he should come and squat with my employees at my boys’ quarter, after which I fly him to my secluded, posh country-home – not “a hut” (as he rightly noted)! – and other properties in various parts of Abia State.
It should interest this duckling and the tiniest whippersnapper in Abia State known as Don Ubani that, to the glory of God, I live in my own house in Surulere, Lagos, with tenants in four of the five flats, with standby borehole for residential and commercial purposes, if public supply of water fails. I will not give more details about this and other properties of mine here and elsewhere. The dullard called Don Ubani should go and find out my real age.
Don Ubani should tell the world his political pedestrianism that made Dr. Orji Uzor Kalu, Chief Adolphus Wabara and T. A. Orji to treat him like the vagabond he is, his wretched educational and employment profiles before and after being cursed by his father for taking sides with his adulterous mother, now a tramp!
Please, nobody should bother me henceforth with whatever this social misfit posts anywhere about Dr. Kalu, The Sun or this writer. We should not be dragged to Don Ubani’s beggarly, impoverished, despondent and irredeemable level of incomparable absurdity and inestimable poverty that has wracked him over the years, which makes him to senselessly think that a man of my reputational ascent and modest opulence should have “a hut” in the village like him instead of a mansion.
A cursed man like Don Ubani has all the pejorative liberty and uncouthness in the world to use facetious, intemperate, unfounded, untrue, ridiculous and libelous etymologies to wit: “purported” (snide reference to Dr. Kalu’s IQ and his cerebral interventions) and “brutal pedigree of murderers” (judgmental declaration about the Wabaras over a community feud, which a court of competent jurisdiction had ruled that we should be compensated by the police for aggravated lawlessness and unprecedented rascality).
•Wabara ([email protected]/08055001948) is the media adviser to Dr. Orji Kalu.