When news broke last week that Idris Okuneye, alias Bobrisky, had been arrested by the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC), many had thought that the long arms of the law had caught up with the crossdresser. However, before the grin of triumph could settle on their faces, the EFCC dampened the expectation, saying the young man was arrested for naira abuse, instead of his corrosive immoral tendencies. The anti-fraud agency said it was not bothered by Bobrisky’s lifestyle; that they were only concerned by his abuse of the naira.
Which naira? Many asked. Was it Bobrisky that abused the naira or the government? Was it Bobrisky that bastardised the naira and reduced it to a mere printed paper whose only value was the picture of the dead statesmen printed on them? The EFCC had given Nigerians something to sneer and laugh about.
However, there was a twist to the melodrama that gave the people a lot more to laugh about. It was not for nothing that Nigerians are the happiest people on the earth despite their challenges. Did not Fela sing about suffering and smiling?
Well, Bobrisky’s ‘members’ seemed revolted when (s)he was taken to court. It seemed like his(her) cleavage and buttocks refused to accompany him(her) to court. So, what we saw in court was Idris Okuneye, not Bobrisky. The risk did not appear in court. That was why (s)he wore a veil and quickly pleaded guilty before his suspected deception was unveiled.
Bobrisky was not the only tonic of last week. Indeed, Nigeria is a huge mass of jokeland. We always have things to laugh about.
After increasing the electricity tariff by over 200%, Adebayo Adelabu, Minister of Power, accused the serially robbed Nigerians of being responsible for power outages in the country. Before now, we had been regaled with stories of disruptive snakes or drought in Kainji dam and all such nonsense. This is the first time a government official openly supported their colleague oppressors with his absurd explanation.
Even then, the President Bola Tinubu government appears full of theatrical comedians. One wants to be a minister in Abuja and governor of a South-South state at the same time. He is so brash, uncouth, loquacious and repugnant. He wants to fight with every Nigerian. Even if he is a Superman, how many fights would he win? He thinks he is winning but people are just weary of his immaturity and the way he clings to power like a monkey clings to a banana, and, so, they ignore him, giving him a false sense of omnipotence.
He reminds me of one of the classics of James Hadley Chase, “The Paw in the Bottle”. I hasten to inform him that his greed for power will undo him soon, especially now he has taken on an entire tribe, claiming to be their conqueror. He is running roughshod in Abuja and wasting the magnanimity of the Asiwaju for whose government he has become an albatross. I won’t be surprised if Asiwaju purges his government of this bad vermin, as we get close to May 29.
No man’s envy and hatred can stop the Igbo from flourishing. Questioning why an Igbo man could be given a large expanse of land exposes his pettiness. He could not even bother about the acquisition but because it belonged to an Igbo man, it must be demolished…odi egwu o!
That man is vain who denies his mother because of a seemingly better soup in another woman’s kitchen like some Igbo have done because of stomach infrastructure. oh, what a shame!
This minister’s swagger is comic relief from the pains of living in our gloomy environment. Without such deluded and piteous ‘power men’, we would take life too seriously.
This brings me to an experience I had last week.
I knew a lady near my place of business (but not like Adam knew Eve). She was very beautiful, and cool; the type that leads some weak men into temptation. She was at work on Tuesday but didn’t show up on Wednesday. The news broke on Thursday that she had died.
Everybody’s jaw dropped in disbelief. What happened? We all wanted to know. But what else would we know apart from the finality of her departure? She’s gone; just like that! We are all still in shock but it’s all over for her. Her goods, her money, and her tempting beauty mean nothing anymore. Life is nonsense. Here today, gone tomorrow.
Yet some self-deceived people brag about this and that. When I see people like that, I take time to laugh at life and their folly. We should laugh at life, especially the theatrics of those whose heads are filled with old whiskey.
What’s life without a good laugh here and there? We laugh it off! I’m trying so hard to adapt and laugh at whatever life brings. Life is an empty noise sounding now but soon ceases.
It’s the joke life plays on all and sundry that leaves me speechless most of the time.
Like those who strut about like a peacock believing they are something whereas all of us, high and low, are well-packaged shawarma for worms.
Who knows what that lady might have been going through without public knowledge? But someone who happens to be privileged cherishes inflicting pain on others. Because we fail to understand that life is a game, a joker. We need to learn fast.
Life! We are just living; nobody understands it one bit. We have wallowed enough in ignorance. We must stop being speechless. We must start applying laughter therapy. Laughter is full of potent unspoken words. Nothing flattens the devil faster than that.
That lady’s coolness could be depression. Nobody knew her pain; nobody bothered to ask beyond ‘good morning’ in a morning that was already bad. When shall we begin to have thoughts for one another; when shall we stop hating and hurting? People are going through a whole lot behind closed doors. Some wish they would have better luck in their next life. A pity!
Unfortunately, there is nothing like that. Even if there is, what would one wish to come back to this morbid world for? Let the chapter close and let us all rest in the life beyond life without too many saddening theatrics.
Yes, there is life beyond life. That is why I pity those who live for today only. Those who stamp and march on others to the dust because of power and privileges. Those who steal, kill, and destroy like their father the devil. Those who feel on top of the world and invincible because of the legion of security detail around them.
You see, when Mr. Death comes, there is no barrier. It breaks through palaces and mansions unchallenged as much as it strolls through shanties. You fool, who told you that there is an escape for you?
When the rich man and Lazarus swapped places on the other side of life, it became obvious who was the rich and powerful or poor.
Come down from that high horse of infamy and embrace reality. Be humble when God promotes you because, on your own, you can attain nothing. Stop bragging; stop hating; nothing lasts forever. No matter how powerful you are, you cannot cross a culvert with both legs together as much as you want.
Let us all learn never again shall circumstances dictate our pace. Henceforth, let go and let God. It’s already well. For those who know their God, we are already fighting from victory. The devil must not crush us. Shame on him!
Nevertheless, I still feel the pangs of laughter tugging at my chest. I want to roll on the floor and laugh. I want tears to stream from my eyes as I laugh at life. I want to laugh and keep laughing at those whose hatred for the Igbo is driving them to an early grave. Let them repent because nobody, no matter how strong, can lift the earth; the Igbo are the earth.
People do not understand. They do not know that there is nothing in this life. It is their ignorance that makes me laugh the more. Massaging that fleeting, vanishing silhouette is a waste of time. Use this time wisely to glorify Him who made you and gave you strength to laugh. Life is a joker; laugh dear compatriots, laugh and be healed.