Humiliation is so deep it can steal joy for keeps. Humiliation is so wide it can kill morale for good. Humiliation is so high it can destroy life forever. Humiliation is tricky stuff, so tricky it can trigger differently like osmosis.
Someone can make an appearance or send a gift that humiliates. Another can be absent or send nothing and it is counted for humiliation too. With humiliation, you hardly know whither the wind cometh or goeth. Humiliation is not just an action; it is also a word, spoken.
Humiliation is a top to bottom blow, but is also possible in reverse order; I mean, you can do it from down under or horizontally. Poor can humiliate rich, the same way rich can rich and poor can poor. Weak can humiliate strong, the same way strong can strong and weak can weak. “You do me, I do you.”
Anybody can humiliate anybody. Everybody can everybody. Somebody can somebody: the same way nobody cannot not somebody. This evil can roll at anytime, anywhere.
It is true that a gift is up to the giver but some gifts are better left unpresented to some people. It is truer that presenting a gift is good stuff but it is truest that both the quality of the gift and the manner it is presented can be packaged humiliation. When the rich gifts far below the recipient, check again. Or, too angrily, or too boastfully, or too publicly: humiliation can be packaged like honour, like love, like respect.
Honourable humiliation, utterly dishonourable. Respectful humiliation, packaged disrespect. Both remind you of “humbility” that vote-seeking Nigerian politicians deceive the gullible electorate with during electioneering, in the guise of humility. “Only in Nigeria,” apologies Big Brother, Bassey Udo.
Technically, humiliation is a good thing in that with something as costless or as dead or as nonexistent as silence, it can fly back to sender in a nanosecond. Silence can hurt humiliation in such a way that even humiliation would itself be humiliated. Where silence is impossible, a wise response can do even worse damage.
The wisdom is in firing back without firing back. Never return evil for evil, but never suffer fools gladly. Some people are so deaf, their only medicine is being spoken to in their own language. When they go low, you go high as Michelle Obama advises but in a very godly way take no prisoners.
Help them, even if you can’t. Gently and smartly return the favour of those virtual knocks. Do as if you are not doing. Those who know shall know.
Humiliation has own register. Those who know know. Those who have come purportedly to celebrate with you might have come just to humiliate you. Those who have come to mourn with you might be wearing long faces but pouting at you in their hearts or behind you.
Humiliation is a masquerade. Only initiates may know who is wearing it, per time. It can dance you into a frenzy, for nothing. It can even force you to part with your hard-earned money; more like you paying for sh-t.
Humiliation is wicked. And, sly. And, pretentious. And, deadly -too dangerous.
Humiliation is one virus you should never internalise. Never accept it no matter how vulnerable you think you are. Do whatever you can or can’t to deflate or deflect it. Never own humiliation.
Humiliation fails once you don’t feel or show it. It is almost like a bullet or rather a gunshot. If you hear it and duck and lying there, are conscious that you weren’t hit then it wasn’t for you. Even people you think love you the most are going to do you dirty and make it seem as nothing.
For instance, you visit someone on appointment and they instruct their aides to ask that you wait in your car when there exist far more convenient waiting areas. Or, you visit someone’s office and they let you stand or unattended to, for longer than necessary, before suddenly feigning realisation. Or, at your graveside, family and friends bantering over wealth sharing or political gymnastics. What humiliation cannot do does not exist.
Humiliation is a human irrelations recipe employed by the weak (we think strong), the poor (we think rich) and the competitor, the envier, the rival (we think friends). These satanic entourages are all over the place, following you up and down. When so-called friends manage you a compliment and add a but or sneaks in an attempt to credit somebody else or something for that compliment, beware. For example, “this dress makes you look really nice, today.”
Sssh, stop smiling sheepishly and thankyouing such double-barrelled arrant nonsense. The person is saying two things to humiliate you. Go back and read that bogus compliment again. Now, you see them: you do not naturally look good; it is a mere dress that makes you appear so and only today.
For your mental and psychological health, learn to ruminate on things that people do or say, around you before quietly reaching your conclusions about them. The boss who humiliates you publicly (even privately) or who lies to you is a small mind; his ego is a dwarf; his ego is hungry; his ego needs feeding. The spouse who snitches on family is an in-house enemy; you should come to a permanent understanding how to function peacefully with such a one. The supporter who feels humiliated, and who has indeed been humiliated, is 70 to 90 percent lost; only God can restore.
Which reminds me. This is December. Dear Nigerian Political Officer, in God’s Name or in the name of all the things you believe in, do not publicise those food or sundry Christmas gifts you have for your people. Givers who announce and broadcast photos of gifts directly and indirectly humiliate beneficiaries.
I know that sometimes the intention, apart from political optics, is to have pictorial proofs to retire the subhead, but do you also require public photos of personal expenses to retire what you took from our commonwealth for family and yourselves? If yes, where are the photos, why do I have to request them, why are they not everywhere online? And, while you are at that, why are these seasonal giftings credited to you when they are indeed sponsored from the public till? Stop weaponising poverty and humiliating the poor: allow those you gift to, to go public if the ad hoc gratitude is that huge.
Truly generous donors never humiliate donees. People who only give in public or who give and tell are not givers just as lovers can never humiliate. Such givers and lovers (bloody haters, really) are just pretenders to the throne of giving looking for whom to humiliate. Do everything, this Christmas, to stay away from these evil mercenaries so they don’t use you and shine.
Listen, no matter what happens, never forget the rule of thumb. Even if humiliation was dispensed by the human being supplying the particular oxygen that is keeping you alive, never allow it get to you. Either remain silent or silent. Or respond wisely; that is, respond without responding.
And, you too, no matter how connected or how powerful or how wealthy you think you are, never ever humiliate anyone even if they were the brokest you ever encountered. The truth is that even as the most powerful or the wealthiest, you still face challenges caused by poverty; challenges that poor people face every day. Plus, the inevitable reality that every action all comes back. You sow a little amount of humiliation today, you tomorrow endure mega harvests.
Never call people barren or beggars or broke or losers or sick even if you were so sure. The man who was humiliated as a senatorial loser in 2019 and only to be seen in the streets of Abuja is now number one in the same chamber while the national political radar is still struggling to pick up the mocker’s signals. What about Government House, Uyo? Isn’t it being occupied by someone who was the most targeted by humiliation, nationally, during the 2023 electioneering?
The lesson from both men and indeed from all those who shoved off humiliation to go on and shame the shamers is that humiliation is nothing. Humiliation is neither a determinant nor the final word. If anything, humiliation can and should be a springboard, a stepping stone. Rather than commit suicide or give up because of a mere mirage vice, an ephemeral roadblock, you should turn it into an agent of motivation and aim high(er).
Now, to the crux of the matter. Humiliation is not of God; it is of the devil and his human representatives. And, the last time I checked, increase fortunately is not given by them. Only God grants increase.
Therefore, stay focused and work hard. Humiliation cannot and should not stop you. In fact, your results shall humiliate humiliation and bring your abusers complete with their children and children’s children to kneel before you, begging and calling you sweetheart names (Isaiah 60:14). The end of that discussion is in verse 22 which assures that when the time is right, He, the Lord, will make it happen.
God bless Nigeria!