Today, I want to chill with the big boys, complete with the big girls and the big children in the nooks and crannies of the globe. Strangely, I also desire for the not-so-big boys as well as the not-so-big girls and the not-so-big children to play in the big league this once. Even more strangely, I want us to be joined by small boys and small girls and small children. The emotional-cum moral intelligence message I bring is for a special joint class.
Friends who stuck closer than a brother or sister over the period of five, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30 years or more but to whom life suddenly happened making that sweet relationship to go kaput, I want you to grab a glass of water or drink and sit down. No, please, don’t talk. And, please, stop your mind from racing through the history of the crisis. I shall presently tell you why not minding your mind is fundamental in reconciliation.
First, having sat down, lock out even your number one confidant. You need no third party. You need only yourself and you. And, one last thing, keep an open mind.
Now, welcome to this special session. Many thanks for trusting me. Many thanks for coming this far. I trust that for the next five, six minutes, you’d read and listen with all of you.
The place to start is what was the manner of your friendship? Over 100, how much would you score yourselves over the years your relationship lasted? The nuisance that forced the split, would you say that was what coloured say 50% of your years together? Even if it was, are you honest when you say that the friendship you managed for all those years brought nothing at all to the table of your individual lives?
That is, all those years this friendship added no value whatsoever? If your answer is yes, then you yourself are a problem. However, if, as I expect, your answer is that this friendship-turned-enmity was quite useful even once: you must realise it is human to not forget or ignore anger on the day you should remember fond memories? Which is why: with man, one day or one week or one month or one year of gloom readily wipes off years of shine.
Also, it is human nature to put friendship asunder. Yes, people are envious of good friendships and can do almost anything to make friends enemies. That’s why, more often than not, only a tiny minority try to reconcile enemies who used to be good friends. In fact, while many hi-five themselves when friendship falls apart, an alarming majority throw parties in gleeful celebration.
Man is an animal. Man is cynical. Man is sadistic. Man is satanic.
Man might mouth God 25 hours daily, but his heart is too far from godliness throughout. Or, is hating good and loving evil the character of God? You’re a man or woman or child of Satan when you bring down friendship or work against reconciliation. Say amen, if that’s not you!
In dangerous times, beware of dangerous things. Russia won’t be causing katakata all over the world today rolling war tanks into a sovereign country, if man was not animalistic, satanic and self-destructive. What Russia is doing in neighbouring Ukraine, condemned by the sane part of a largely crazy world, is what we all do against friendship, especially when the going gets tough. God is not in us when we hate peace and love war.
But, seriously, man must unlearn Satan and learn and relearn God with a view to recalibrating own ways. So much is wrong with our lifestyle. Man forgets that he cannot have his cake and eat it. Man cannot -on one hand- mouth his craving for a peaceful world while on -the other hand- wishing, instigating and celebrating chaos.
Man is his problem. The earth is exactly as turbulent as man wants it. Only man can fix himself and his world. Man should deliberately make friends, stay friends, celebrate friendship and where issues arise, seek, support or ensure reconciliation as quickly as possible.
Where reconciliation is impossible -for whatever reason(s)- between two hitherto best friends, both sides must shame the devil and remain friends in enmity. A disagreement or quarrel or crisis is not the test of friendship. The way this world is wired, even sweethearts soon become sworn enemies. Friendship is tested and said to have failed if friends cannot fall back and bring forward their long-term sweet memories to distill their (no, not ego) current bitterness.
I agree, this might be easier said than done. Friends turned foes must do everything to keep the door ajar for the past to bounce back. The way to do that is to prove that although enemies now, they were true friends and always shall remain. That proof is by never ever speaking ill of the friendship heyday nor publicising shared secrets.
No need to talk to anyone about what this one or that one did or said or did not do or say. A wrong go-between can worsen the already horrendous situation. Allow time to make one party or both to be able to laugh at the anger that messed up your beautiful relationship. I pray for the sparks to fly again in those hearts!
Furthermore, dear world, keep away from putting your mouths in things that don’t concern you. Stop writing nonsense or concocting rubbish just to add unneeded fuel to the inferno. Pray always for divine intervention. Our world needs more friends, not more enemies
While negotiating to round this off, here is as I promised the reason you should never mind your mind when a window opens for reconciliation. What was done or said or wasn’t done or said is immaterial in reconciliation. After all, if the problem was about doing or saying something differently, why couldn’t the other party have stood in the gap by reacting other than they did or said? Truth to tell, for friendship to go south the parties involved must together have played a spoiler’s role.
Contest it all you want, but no one party can break friendship. It takes two to tango. That’s why the trio of anger and tolerance, of pride and humility as well as of war and peace can by themselves (pair by pair) make such great friendship. One friend can be heat, the other ice: welcome to friendship that checks and balances -and understands even when it can’t or shouldn’t.
In conclusion, let the world encourage friendship not enmity. That’s how to discourage or defeat the Putins of this world. We should support people to remain friends or work to restore friendship that goes awry. Enemies who were once friends should never desecrate their sweet memory, the same way friends who used to be enemies never want their old testament shit anywhere near their new reality -in Christ.
God bless Nigeria!