Marriage is one of the most intimate relationships we experience in life, yet many couples struggle to communicate effectively. One of the most underrated but powerful tools for maintaining a healthy and successful marriage is feedback. Not the kind that is harsh, accusatory or judgmental, but constructive, loving, and intentional feedback that strengthens rather than breaks down.
Consider a couple that has been married for ten years. They love each other deeply but often find themselves in avoidable conflicts. The husband, Ade, believes he is doing his best to provide for the family, working long hours to ensure financial security. His wife, Chidinma, on the other hand, feels emotionally neglected. She craves attention, companionship, and meaningful conversations. She drops hints about her loneliness, but Ade does not pick up on them. Over time, resentment begins to creep in. What could have been resolved with open feedback turns into silent frustration.
This scenario is all too common in many Nigerian homes. Couples assume their partners understand their feelings without ever expressing them openly. But the reality is, no one is a mind reader. Honest, constructive feedback allows spouses to understand each other better and adjust their actions accordingly.
Feedback in marriage is not about pointing out faults but about fostering growth and mutual understanding. It requires a shift in perspective—from blaming to improving. When given correctly, feedback can help couples bridge gaps in their communication, improve emotional intimacy, and strengthen their bond.
For feedback to be effective, timing and delivery matter. Imagine a wife expressing her frustrations immediately after her husband walks in from a long day at work. He is physically and mentally drained, and instead of listening, he reacts defensively. In such situations, emotions take precedence over logic, and what could have been a meaningful conversation turns into an argument. Choosing the right time to give feedback ensures that it is received with the right mindset.
Equally important is the tone of delivery. A spouse who feels attacked will naturally become defensive. Saying, “You never spend time with me” sounds accusatory, whereas “I miss spending time with you; can we plan something together?” invites conversation and collaboration. The goal of feedback is not to win an argument but to strengthen the relationship.
Active listening is also crucial. When one spouse provides feedback, the other should listen with an open heart rather than preparing a counter-argument. Listening does not mean agreeing to everything, but it does mean acknowledging the other person’s feelings and working towards a solution together.
In Nigeria, cultural and societal expectations sometimes discourage open communication in marriage. Many men grow up in households where emotions are rarely expressed, and they carry this mindset into their own marriages. Likewise, some women may feel that voicing their concerns is a sign of disrespect. These cultural beliefs must be unlearned for marriages to thrive. A strong marriage is built on partnership, and partnership thrives on honest communication.
Feedback is not only for addressing problems; it should also be used to appreciate and encourage. Complimenting a spouse’s efforts, acknowledging their sacrifices, and expressing gratitude go a long way in reinforcing positive behaviour. Simple words like “I appreciate how hard you work for this family” or “I love how you always make time for the children” can make a difference.
Couples should also create an environment where feedback is welcomed rather than feared. When both partners feel safe expressing their needs and concerns, they foster an atmosphere of trust and openness. Marriage is not about perfection but about progress. The couples who succeed are not the ones who never face challenges but the ones who learn how to navigate them together.
As we strive to build strong marriages, let us embrace feedback as a tool for growth, not criticism. Let us speak with love, listen with empathy, and act with intentionality. A marriage where feedback is valued is a marriage that thrives.
For further comment, Please contact: Osondu Anyalechi: 0909 041 9057; [email protected]