Through generations men have always told lies to their wives to cover up their extramarital affairs. They also lie to their sidechicks, to able to hold unto them. Managing both the wife and sidechick can sometimes feel like yacht sailing on a stormy sea. So men think fast and carefully concoct lies to avoid disaster. Doing this ensures that peace reigns in the dual relationships they maintain with their wives on the one hand and the sidechicks on the other.
You will find men sit comfortably in their homes and chat up a side-chick while also admiring and loving madam. Unfortunately, most madams do not even notice what is going on. Granted that men control and dominate their homes, they still have to move with delft secrecy and deploy lies that would suit both madam and sidechick. Only a few bold men have been known to tell sidechicks, straight and direct, that they are strongly married and love their families even though they still want to sustain relationship with the sidechick.
When some are caught in the act, they would shower the wife with expensive gifts like cars, foreign trips and luxury items. A former Miss Nigeria once said: “When I quarrelled with my late husband, especially on the issue of side-chicks, he would buy me Hermes handbag which is one of the most expensive bags in the world. It costs as much as $2 million and above.
Make no mistake about this, men are professionals in cheating, and for that reason must necessarily tell lies to cover their tracks. They play smart with the wife and equally deceive the several sidechicks. In one particular case, a man went through his wife’s younger sisters without her having any inkling of his romps with them. None of the sisters even knew that their brother-in-law from hell was balling each of them. Depraved man, you would say. Imagine what could have happened if the wife had gotten to know about the husband’s serial philandering with her own sisters.
Probably, the reason why men tell lies might be to save their wives life, keep the home together and avoid unnecessary drama. The most common lie men tell to disarm their women is the one about urgent and important trip, which goes like this: “Our business partners will be arriving in the country soon and arrangements have been concluded to open up other branches in other parts of the country. The assignment will take about two weeks.” With this, Madam has been dislodged totally. With her heart of love, the poor woman goes into prayers for a successful business trip while Oga grins from ear to ear, celebrating over the forthcoming romantic expedition.
In his mind, he records another win. For most men in private enterprise, and even those who are executives in big organisations, regular travel is a way of letting off steam. Even those who did not organize to take their side chick along with them on a trip definitely would find a ‘conference material’ at the venue.
There was the case of very gentle Edidiong Edem, a business person who lived in Lagos with his family. Ordinarily, he came across as a man of good conduct and quite respectful. His modus operandi was to regularly travel to another city entirely with his undergraduate lover. He would buy air tickets for two at different times to the same venue. At the airport, no one would think that were travelling together. They would sit far from each other but maintain eye contact. When the flight is announced, all passengers queue to board, yet there will not be any communication. On arrival, the sidechick would take a taxi to the already reserved hotel and check in and make herself comfortable. When he gets to the hotel himself, Edidiong and his girlfriend would have their romp for the duration of their stay and be happy. Some other men would arrange for the side-chick to travel ahead.
Now, it will be of interest to know that when a man is involved in such problems, it takes the manipulative intervention of other men to assuage the situation. The case of a senior colleague James Eneh (Not real name) who had an official assignment to carry out, a worthy project in the South East region of the nation, he has spent nearly two months with excellent progress that management commended and was proud of him. While developing and delivering on his assignment; he also progressed on the issues of side-chick to support the on-going project. He was also on the same radar in a wonderful communicative relationship with his wife. Then, it was a two days Muslim holiday coupled with the weekend and the compulsory Monday sit-at-home; Mrs. Ene needed to see her husband after two months for her own servicing of the website.
She therefore jumped into the car and the driver took off. After 7-straight hours, Madam was in her husband’s new house. The smart security guard ran fast and informed Oga that Madam was around, he quickly and immediately discharged his side-chick through the back entrance even though her personal belongings were littered in the house. Madam zoomed into the house, inspected and discovered female underwear’s hung in the bathroom and asked her husband. ‘Who owns this underwear? “I am the owner was his response. She saw other evidences that proved a woman had been operating fully in the house and trouble started almost immediately. Their communication all through the night was filled with straight faced question and answers because of Madam’s countenance.
The next morning, she ran to her in-laws and reported her husband’s infidelity and cheating on her among other bad behaviors. Interestingly, the family gathered and sat in chambers to look into the matter and deliver the judgment. The head of the family who all referred to as Dede after some deliberations and words of wisdom called Madam’s name Mercy… three times and asked her “Did you inform your husband that you would come down from the city and visit him at his new working place? Mrs. Ene responded No Sir. Again, Dede said, did you consider that you were disrespectful to your husband and the family? Did you think of the series of insecurity in the land, even accidents on the road? You threw caution to the winds and boldly took risk of the long-distance journey. Against this background, as a family, we have decided you pay a fine of one he-goat and 5-cartons of Heineken beer for wrong attitude as a wife.
Family collectively condemned her attitude and charged her to be of good conduct. A judgement that served as deterrent to others wives in the family. Mercy abinitio who thought she would attract infidelity sympathy ended to become the culprit. One then asks, what was the underlying factor of the judgment? Another uncle said “If you have informed your husband of your visit to him, he would have put his house in order.” What a sacrilegious judgement from the council of Sanhedrin! There must always be lies and cover-up from men to assuage the illicit relationship of fellow men.
Engr. Batholomew picked his neighbour’s daughter and her friend who he has been seeing in the last three months and all were driving to an unknown destination. Traffic was much and he decided to take inner routes and suddenly his wife ran into them without a proper glimpse of the people in her husband’s car which was very unusual. She drove behind them and tried to get her husband’s attention; but could not; she dialed his phone and it rang without any response until the traffic gave way a little. Engr who was aware of his wife’s sighting zoomed off. At home, after much ado from the woman, Engr. told her “They were my boss’s guest he pleaded with me to drop, since they were going towards my route. Madam has been boxed into a corner because she knew her husband’s boss.
Shockingly and surprisingly, Bege Muhammed has concluded every arrangement to be with his sidechick youth corpsmember for the night. A sure plan he had concluded with Fred his office accomplice in the office. As the night drew close, instead of going home, he called his wife that he was mandated to be in the company of his town’s man who lost his wife. Mrs. Muhammed said “He should have called to inform me. Since the widower was a friend to the family, Madam called and asked her husband to support the widower and admonished him to stay safe. Muhammed relaxed and ate the bread of sorrow to his satisfaction.
While many men have escaped death from the lies they being exposed, some did not live to tell the story. Men, thread carefully and be of good conduct. The expenditure incurred from maintaining sidechicks could be saved and used to fund viable projects that would be truly beneficial to the family. Men, I appeal to you today to keep your “staff office” in the home to ensure its good health, safety, longevity and avoid loss of value and respect.