A popular Nollywood actress, described by viewers as a screen goddess, who was recently a guest on a British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC) Igbo Quiz programme, made the studio audience giggle when she revealed that she was in earnest search for a man, who would marry her. She also gave a comprehensive specification of the kind of man she wanted, and described him as a ‘total package and doctor’s prescription.’ The thespian had been previously married, but the marriage hit the rocks due to irreconcilable differences.
Again, on a social media platform, another lady, who resides in a Southeastern city, expressed her desire for a man, to marry her. This woman stated that she had been divorced for three years, and noted that the court granted custody of their four children to her ex-husband. Then she bemoaned the three years she had been single and nursing the wounds of the divorce. Evidently, she had become tired of life as a single lady and was very eager to marry again.
These two instances got me thinking that we may have reached the time when the bible said seven women would hang on a man, begging him to marry them. It is important to note that it was not easy for the women to make such requests public on BBC and social media platforms, particularly when you consider the reach of both the radio programme and social media. But truth be told, they were seriously in search of men who would marry them. These two instances were not scenes from a Nollywood movie, but a true life stories that projected the situation of the women in question. Somehow, it sounds a bit awkward that women are trading place with men in that they are the ones now wooing men – a role that men used to play – which is to make the first move. Commendably, these women chose to put their desire straight to prospective suitors out there, rather than entrust their quest to some fraudulent “pastors” who would promise to take them through a fake spiritual process involving “prayer” and “fasting” for which money will exchange hands. They showed boldness and cast off the supposed shame of openly pleading that suitable, prospective men come forward and marry them.
They made their supplication known, openly, with the hope of getting positive response that could lead to marriage. Afterall, the Holy Book says, “seek and you shall find; ask you shall be given; knock the door will be opened for you.”
Truly, they deserve support and commendation, rather than castigation. Nobody should look at them as lonely, frustrated women, because they are not. Rather than continue to live a dull, lonely life as singles, who are downcast, the two women chose to give the red card to loneliness. Let no one trouble them for their bold and honourable choice.
However, there is more to this. It is not enough to publish your invitation to willing suitors and then fail to undergo the personality or character transformation needed to retain the man that would come into your life.
You must make a conscious effort to do a comprehensive review of your attitudes and recognise character flaws that made your previous marriage to crash. You must adopt the right mindset which is supportive of and conducive for building a marital relationship.
This brings me to the big question: are ladies that are single and still searching ready to make the change necessary? Are they ready to format their ‘hard disk’ which is their mind, to erase all the negative and destructive ‘code’ written on them by the devil?
It is very pertinent to ask this question because a lot of women are under satanic influences which manifest after they have settled down in marriage. Most ladies who are under such demonic possession might behave like saints initially, but within a short time they begin to exhibit their true nature.
Take the case of Shemilore, who met Bege, an indigene of Kaduna State, not long after she completed the national youth service. They met during a church activity and fell in love. Shemi made regular visits to Bege’s home, to ensure that no other lady took her place in his heart. He was living with his younger siblings at the time. Her visits to his house became so irritating that Bege’s family frowned at it and saw her move as pointing towards forced marriage which eventually took place. The duo tried to endure each other but after having three children, the relationship collapsed as love evaporated like methylated spirit applied to a very warm skin. Shemi who strove day and night to settle down with Bege became a thorn in his flesh and was scorned by his family. Marriage turned out to be a horrible experience for both of them as they lived like tenants in their home.
Granted, marriage is like a wrapped gift. You can never know the content until you are already in the union. It is then you come face-to-face with reality. This is not to say that every union looks like the scenario given above.
There have been cases where ladies, through despicable conduct, deprived themselves of golden opportunities to marry. Ladies who spend hours in the so-called prayer houses, ostensibly to ‘reel in’ a husband like fish caught by a hook; those who wear charms like kayamata on their waist, tongue, private parts or visit native doctors for charms to attract and command a man to do their bidding, please know that a day will come when such materials would fail and such ladies would return to square one. Instead of deploying these satanic strategies to get a man, you should work on your character and exhibit virtues like obedience, humility, friendliness, compassion, orderliness, prudence, honesty, integrity, among others, which enhance relationship. That is the way to show in concrete terms that you need a man that will be your husband. The bible says, “faith without works is dead faith.” It is not for nothing that the peacock displays its beautiful plummage. The purpose is to attract a suitable mate for reproduction.
Marriage is an institution ordained by God, which should be accorded respect. There are right and wrong ways of dealing with marital issues. Doing the right things is the sure way to sustain marriage. Ladies, who clamour for men to marry them, are they willing and ready to do those things that make marriage last, despite the challenges that definitely come along the way as the journey progresses?
Most women need men for various motives. Some need men to service their honey well and keep the romantic spark ever burning; some women gradually become longtime side chicks and mistresses to rich men. They do not like to be tied down with marriage, they are always on the move to where life is rosy and juicy. Some other grade of women need the men to just give them babies and they are satisfied. Some also want marriage as a mere cover while they engage in high level promiscuity. Such women would drop off their children in school and take off to spend hours their young lovers till school closing time to pick up the children and go home. While in all honesty, some women need men who would help build them up professionally and make them fulfilled.
Now, it is important for all to know that women who place their pastors above their husbands only show that they read the bible upside down and clearly do not need a husband. Agreed, it is right to respect your pastor, but honouring and respecting your husband should be paramount and sacrosanct.
One recalls the case of a certain sister, ‘a fervent adorer’ who always got to church early every Tuesday, but was in deep enmity with her husband and his family. She refused to accept her faults and settle the issues in her marriage.
Dear Sisters, it is okay to desire marriage, but do you have the right character for marriage? Quality character, sense of responsibility, peaceful nature, empathy and the like, are the virtues that can attract a worthy spouse. If you already have them, then take a rest of faith in God, who will order the steps of Mr. Right to locate you (the bible says it is the man finds the woman). If on the hand, you are deficient in these virtues, seek the help of God, to enable undergo transformation that will put the mark of God on you, and aid your being located by a good, responsible man.