Mr. and Mrs. Alexander and Patience Osuamadi, owners of the Patey International Nursery and Primary Schools, Okwu Uratta, Owerri North Local Government Area, have been married for 36 years. In this interview with GEORGE ONYEJIUWA, in Owerri, they talk about how their love story and journey started and what has been able to sustain them in it, over the years. Excerpts:
How did you meet your wife and what was the attraction?
Husband: She was introduced to me by my sister in 1984 and immediately I was attracted to her physique because she is very elegant. I got interested in her from that moment. But before we were introduced, I had had several female admirers but the moment I saw her with all her ‘arsenals,’ I said to myself that this is the one I had been waiting for.
You were introduced to him by his sister. Did you fall in love with him at first sight?
Wife: It took quite a while. But when I saw him I discovered that there was this magnetic pull that drew me to him. Before meeting him, I already had many suitors who I turned down and this got my parents very worried because my younger sister had already gotten married. I was too selective but when I saw him, I instantly felt in my heart that he was the one. I was mostly attracted by his big eyeballs and I saw him as a promising young man. I think that God wants us to be together because he wasn’t the only person that came to ask for my hands in marriage.
Was there any opposition from your parents considering the fact that she is from Anambra State and you are from Imo?
Husband: I would say yes because some of my kinsmen said why marry from Anambra and not from Imo State, especially from Owerri? But I stood my ground that it is my business to decide where to marry from and that was it.
How about you? From your own family, was there opposition as well?
Wife: There was really no opposition from my parents because they wedded in Owerri, at the All Saints Cathedral because we were living here in Owerri before he was transferred to Umuahia. My father’s only concern was that Owerri people, especially their men, like too much enjoyment, unlike the Anambra man who is more business-inclined. But they said that since I had made up my mind to marry him, there was nothing they could do about it. And they gave me their blessings.
What was your marriage ceremony like?
Husband: God had blessed me before the traditional wedding took place because then I was a licensed customs agent. And, that week, God opened heaven of blessings for me as I made a lot of money. I hired buses that conveyed my kinsmen and friends to Anambra State. And most of all, our regalia were very fantastic because that was the latest fashion then.
Wife: You know, the Igbankwu thing was borrowed from Anambra State and it was something else because they made me proud and whenever I get back to the memory lane, I am very happy about what happened that day, in 1984.
As a young couple, what were the initial challenges?
Husband: Honestly, for me there was no challenge because I had the money and I was taking good care of my people and so nobody was disturbing me.
Wife: My major challenge was the differences in dialect because I could not speak the Owerri dialect very well. The second one was that my husband is a man that likes women and I became very jealous whenever I saw him talking to other women in the Owerri dialect. I always felt then that he was cheating on me because of the phenomenon of “Nwanne Ndi Owerre” (the seeming Owerri clannishness). I was initially disturbed. But, later when I came to understand him very well and know that he was not involved in such thing, I got relaxed. I also did not bother myself with what was being said about me by his sisters because he is their only brother. I am his wife but I know that I cannot stop them from having access to their brother.
Has your wife exhibited any behaviour that you did not like?
Husband: Honestly, she has not exhibited any character or behaviour that I did not like. She is prepared to kneel down two hundred times a day to tell you “sorry” when she knows that she has offended you, to weaken your resolve.
Has your husband exhibited any behaviour that you did not like?
Wife: When I told my father that I was going to marry an Owerri man, he told me that a typical Owerri man is a “jolly-jolly” man. The first time I came to my husband’s community, one of his kinsmen asked me: ‘you want marry my uncle?’ He said that he is a man-about-town. So, having known all these, I was prepared ahead. Already, I had made up my mind to tolerate his excesses and I would always beg him even if he was the one that offended me.
You have only one male child and you are also an only son of your parents. Were you under any pressure to marry another wife?
Husband: Some of my kinsmen wrote me to marry a new wife. And, they asked that the letter be torn after reading it so that my wife would not know about it. I have never disclosed this to my wife. I had put my trust in God because He had already given us a male child. Even when my wife wanted to go for an adoption, I kicked against it. So, I married for my son on time and today I have four grand-children: three boys and a girl, and that is okay for me because I am no longer one but five. So, trust in God and if you do that, God will surely surprise you. I remember telling my wife to stop disturbing herself over not having more children when, indeed, God had blessed us with a male child already.
Wife: The pressure was so much but for his patience and understanding because he stood by me. I was so worried that I was moving about to seek for solution. But my husband warned me to stop moving about as it is only God that gives children and that he is praying for God to preserve the only male child that he has blessed us with. So, when I got tired of going about I stopped because I had not gotten any pressure indirectly or directly from him. He is the one who had even been consoling me and that is why if I said that I want to go to any place on the matter, he would simply say that it is my business as he is not interested. It is a wonderful thing to live with him because some other men would have married another woman.
Divorce is on the increase these days. What is your advice to newly married couple?
Husband: Marriage requires tolerance from both couple and, again, don’t ever copy anybody because no two marriages are the same.
Wife: I think young married couples should never allow an outsider to intervene in their family affair. Since I got married to my husband in 1984 I have never involved my parents or any of my relations in any matter between my husband and myself. We have always resolved our misunderstanding between ourselves. I have always advised young women to marry for love and to do so with the man that they could tolerate and live with and not just for the sake of money. Money is not everything but more important is a man that can take good care of them. They must also not compare notes with their friends or get their family members involved in any matter between them and their husbands.