Just before 2023 rolled away into eternity, quite a number of people must have taken New Year resolutions, and set new rules that would guide their lives this year.
For some people the resolution may be to stop womanizing, keeping malice, showing more commitment to the spouse and tens of other reasons or goals.
Generally, in the journey of life, many individuals, including myself, have at a certain stage recognised the need for a shift of the mindset, to be able to forge ahead. Really, being alive comes with responsibilities. It is just not enough to tell somebody “I love you” without doing practical things that demonstrate the love. This applies in marital, family or romantic relationships.
Something played out during the December 31, 2023 crossover night service held at the Zion Prayer Movement Outreach, Ago Palace Way, Okota, a fast growing residential area in Lagos metropolis. That night, the Lead Evangelist, Ebuka Anozie Obi, admonished the congregants to have a new mindset appropriate for the new season and then go into covenant with God, for a better life in the new year.
What could be a better counsel to adopt as a New Year than for one to do a proper and comprehensive evaluation of the past year, identify the pitfalls, the mistakes, poor decisions, the quarrels that could have been avoided, offences that should have been forgiven, and so forth, and resolve to turn a new leaf by deciding on a new year resolution.
However, the funny thing and the tragedy of new year “resolutions” is that most people hardly keep them. About 75 percent of them experience the fate depicted in the Parable of the Sower. In the biblical account, over 75 percent fell on bad soil, among thorns, rocky ground, by the wayside and we’re picked up by birds.
In a sense, the New Year resolutions were not kept because of a myriad of reasons. Most new year resolutions are just the results of flights of fancy and that is why they are hardly kept, primarily because the individuals who made were not prepared to apply the discipline, diligence, commitment and dedication required to make them work.
On the other hand, a mindset change or mind reset is a fundamental process that results from deep introspection, impartial evaluation of oneself, geared towards remaking, re-engineering or fundamentally redirecting one’s thought about the person’s whole being, to enable such a person achieve a core goal. Mindset change or mind reset is fundamental and creates a new you. It is like the eagle that will fly to the highest peak where it will make a best., far from every distraction. Then it will begin to pull out all the old feathers in its wings, sometimes with force, ignoring the pain. By the time it is done, it will be vulnerable and unable to fly. In that state, nature takes over and protects it. Then it will settle down in the nest and wait for the new feathers to grow out, mature and fit for flight. When the new feathers of the wings grow out and are sturdy, the eagle is a stronger and more aggressive predator, able to fearlessly pounce on animals twice its weight, lift and fly away with them firmly clutched in its talons, to devour. This is why the Bible says that the Almighty God renews the life of the believer like that of the eagle.
A mindset change carries with it some important responsibilities. There are expectations that the person will live and abide by the rules of love. Mindset change requires the person to adopt new lifestyle to consciously show love, give attention, sacrifice time to help and give advice and to pray for others. When mindset change is applied to everyday living one would pleasantly discover that what seemed a heavy burden would have become light and easy to handle. The person just seems to coast along like a plane flying on autopilot.
There have been several instances where people decided give up drinking alcohol as a new year resolution, find themselves breaking the resolution within the first week; but if the mindset to support one another is actualized, the giver would be a happier being, willing to do more.
Now, if one claims to have love for humanity, some of the aforementioned attributes of life should become part of our everyday life. This would change the environment around that person and make it better. The moment simple all-inclusive relationships are accepted, appreciated and nurtured, life would definitely have a turn around and become worthy.
It takes the need of one for the other make the person show attention, express love, exhibit care and make sacrifices, to stand in the gap for others. In this regard, I recall an incident that happened sometime ago in a certain estate located in Okota, Lagos, where a woman lived with her children. At the time, the woman, Mrs Hinge Jackson, was an employee of one of the first generation banks. Mrs Jackson had a practice of maltreating her 20-year-old domestic staff, Elizabeth Jacobs, who hailed from Plateau State. Mrs Jackson’s husband walked out their marriage that clocked 14 years. Filled with frustration and anger at the breakdown of the marital union, she and her children seemingly began to take out their anger on poor, innocent Elizabeth. She got frequent beating at the hands of Mrs Jackson. Neighbours in the compound which had four flats were disturbed by the maltreatment. Then one day, one the neighbours, Mike Okagbare, popularly known as, Chief, discreetly inquired from Elizabeth if she could return to her parents if her transport fare was sponsored. Elizabeth answered in affirmative. Chief dolled out enough money to cover the transport fare and other sundry expenses. Secretly, she left the compound and found her way to Plateau state. Seeing Mrs Jackson frantically searching for Elizabeth, Chief boldly declared that the girl had gone back to her parents. He said that as humans, they have a duty to protect and love each other, pay attention and make sacrifice for a fellow human being. He added: “I gave her transport money to get back to her parents in Jos.” Months later, Elizabeth wrote a letter to her madam and said: “Now, I can feel a lot of relief, I am treated as a human being.”
Chief further explained that the girl had to be separated to avoid her being accidentally killed by Mrs Jackson. He said he helped the girl out of love for humanity, care, protection, attention and safety of the young lady.
Caring for each other should be engraved on our heart and ingrained in our mind. We should be involved in building others up as they confront the challenges of life. When one puts a call through to a forgotten friend or relative, it indeed gives a warm feeling. The story of the Publisher of Ebonyi Magazine, John H. Johnson, comes to mind. The magazine was established in 1945 to focus on addressing African-American issues, which it has been doing till date. Now, when other magazines were established in United Kingdom, new publishers tried to poach veterans from Ebony Magazine, they could not because John Jonhson was a different boss. During their 50th anniversary, it was recalled that only two founding staff left the organization because of their spousal transfer according to Lynn Norment, one of the old female correspondents that wrote from Chicago. In an interview, Norment described Johnson as a man with a different mindset. He knew the birthdays of every staff and would send a gift, knew their spouses, attended nearly all child-dedications, weddings and events of his staff members. Further, she said Johnson’s attachment to his staff was second to none, so close-nit that pulling them away from him was like passing a camel through the eye of a needle. He was that humble, good and devoted to his staff. Apparently, Johnson did not make new year resolutions, but simply shielded his staff like a mother-hen with a different mindset to show love, sacrifice, care, time, advice, gifts and much more. He cared for his staff beyond measure and got their full support, zeal and concentration, which combined to make Ebony a sought-after- African-American magazine.
Love must always come with responsibilities like sacrifice. Most of such sacrifices come in widowhood both for the man and the woman. The strive, struggle and prayers madd to see that the children turn out well gives lasting joy. I read about a colleague in Guardian Newspapers, Sulaimon Salau, who extolled the virtues of his late widower father at 82 on social media. Sulaiman wrote: “You were a father like no other. You sacrificed all that was within you, emotionally, psychologically, financially, energetically and otherwise to make sure your children stood out, even as our mother died early in life. You were present in all our own lives, without being in the comforting embrac of another woman, even as a devoted Muslim. Rather, your ambition was to see us through in life. Sun re oo Daddy.”
Mothers, whether in lower, middle or upper classes always sacrifice for their children. No mother ever wants her child to be hurt, and that is the reason they fight offenders to the end. Sacrifice in a relationship goes a long way. The one sacrificing would even be a happier and more fulfilled fellow.
Giving time is very important for managing relstionships. One must give his or her precious time to relatives, whether connected to you by blood or romance. It makes life worthy. Don’t be too busy to attend to your partner, no matter what. It is godly responsibility to give others your precious time, to attend to their needs beyond measure.
As part of your mind reset in this year, always extend kind gestures to others. Protect, correct, advise and admonis with love. How far do we go to protect one another? How can one forget Mrs Felicia Ochiga-Ogbuja, who could not protect her little niece,13-year-old Elizabeth Ochanya. Rather, she left innocent teenager at the mercy of her wicked, lecherous husband and university lecturer Andrew Ogbuja and son Victor, who frequently raped Elizabeth until she became sick and was admitted to the Federal Medical Centre, Makurdi for two months, before she died. Mrs Felicia woefully failed in her duty of care to protect Elizabeth from the two ravening wolves in her home.
Dear Nigerians, prayer is a key component of your mind reset programme and should be worn like a covering garment. Pray for your partner daily, pray for your children, society, business etc. Make it a responsibility to always intercede, knowing that we live by lifting others. Be the strength of your partner in the spiritual realm. The battle is not for one person; therefore, we need each other to fight it with the right mindset on bended knees, in the place of prayer.