• Mothers reveal how they couldn’t bond with their babies after birth
By Kate Halim
Most new mothers are often over the moon with joy and excitement. They look forward to taking care of their babies and bonding with them. But this is not always the case. For some mothers, having a baby triggers postpartum depression and if not handled properly, these mothers can either harm their babies or themselves.
A fashion designer, Chisom Obaji told Saturday Sun that after having an easy pregnancy with her first daughter five years ago, she was diagnosed with postpartum depression six weeks after she gave birth to her. Obaji said that the negative feelings consumed her to the point that she felt useless to herself and to her newborn.
“I felt alone, scared, miserable and like I couldn’t handle anything. I felt like a complete failure. I felt inadequate as a wife and mother and felt this lingering guilt that made me feel miserable. I often thought of packing some of my belongings and moving elsewhere by myself,” she said.
The mother of two revealed that she also had difficulty bonding with her daughter when she was newly born. She added that she had expectations of feeling love and euphoria flowing through her when she held her daughter the first time. But when she didn’t feel this, she felt horrible about it.
She said: “While going through this, I felt like I was crazy and ungrateful to God for seeing me through the hard delivery of my baby. I had a beautiful daughter and everything I wanted, why was I so unhappy? I saw other mothers at the hospital and they all looked so happy. After suffering with feelings of guilt, disappointment and frequent crying for weeks, I finally admitted to myself that the way I was wasn’t okay and sought medical help.”
Obaji noted that admitting she wasn’t okay was the beginning of her recovery. She said she opened up to her close friend who understood what she was going through and booked an appointment with a doctor. According to her, after months of counselling, therapy and forming close bonds with the people around her as well as with her baby, she gradually started feeling like herself.
For Caroline Ogundipe, having her third child at 34 should have been the icing on the cake for her family. But this was not so. She said that when she was pregnant, she was elated and nervous at the same time as she anticipated the birth of her son after having two girls and could not wait to hold him in her arms.
“I did everything in my power to maintain my health and the health of my unborn child throughout the pregnancy. When the day of delivery came, I was optimistic that everything would go well. After ten long hours of labour, my boy was here. I was happy and excited when I first held him in my arms. I didn’t allow anyone to hold him because I was happy. But one week later, things changed. I lost interest in taking care of my son. I had thoughts of harming my baby. I didn’t say anything to my husband or my family members for fear of being judged,” she said.
Ogundipe said that because she had read up on the subject at the insistence of her doctor months before she gave birth to her son, she knew exactly what was happening to her. She added that she consulted her doctor who referred her to a psychiatrist in a general hospital where she was diagnosed with postpartum depression.
“It took a while for me to get better. I was placed on antidepressants. I had a strict diet that I followed, and I exercised 30 minutes a day. I also made sure I had someone with me at home taking care of the baby so I could rest well. It wasn’t easy dealing with the guilt of harbouring harmful thoughts towards an innocent baby. The only person that knew what was going on was my husband and he handled it well. We kept my condition away from family and friends to avoid gossip. I am okay now and my boy is two years old.”
Jane Williams said she started feeling symptoms of postpartum depression two months after her daughter was born. She stated that at first, it was constant anxiety, worry, and a state of despair and hopelessness that took over her mind. She added that she was crying all the time, but she didn’t know why.
According to the mother of two, she tried all the traditional things her doctor told her to do like exercising, making plans with friends, and getting enough sleep, but none of these steps worked. She added that it got to a point where she started having obsessive suicidal thoughts. Williams revealed that she didn’t want to tell her mother what she was experiencing, as the mother is deeply religious. She would make the mother feel guilty for not being well mentally and psychologically.
“I would wake up by 1 am or 2 am and start crying. I would look at my baby and imagine her not being in my life. I would visualise ways to hurt myself and end my life, mapping out in my head exactly how it would happen. I never acted on those thoughts, but I felt sad and guilty for even thinking about such things. I was constantly yelling at my husband and anyone present at home with me. One day, I started to pound my head against the wall. That was when my husband grabbed me and rushed me to the hospital.”
Williams said she was admitted at the hospital for almost a week and was placed under constant watch. She added that after receiving treatment, she started taking additional steps to help herself feel better. “After three weeks, I started to notice a big difference. I finally felt like myself. I started to bond with my baby. I was more calm and relaxed. Even though nursing a baby was stressful, I avoided my triggers and took care of myself and my girl. Now, I’m actually happy to watch my daughter grow.”
When Vivian Emuka started crying for no reason weeks after she gave birth to her baby, the only person who didn’t judge her or make her feel like she was not doing things right was her mother. She said: “A few weeks after I had my first child, I would break down in tears for no reason. It continued for days and my mum who was around then would console me every time. She also made sure I was resting well. The sad aspect of suffering postpartum depression is that a lot of people are ignorant about it and they don’t understand why a woman who delivered her baby safely is unhappy, moody, and not having the urge to bond with her baby.”
“All I knew then was that crying was an everyday event for me. I would wake up every morning to the start of a new day suffering anxiety and despair about how I was going to make it through the day. Back then, I felt that life had no joy, only sorrow. I had a beautiful three-year-old boy, a new baby, a husband, and supportive family and friends, but I wasn’t happy,” she added.
Emuka added that some people around her when she was suffering from postpartum depression felt angered and irritated by her behaviour, but noted that her mother was her rock. She said that her mother, even though she isn’t educated, understood that something was wrong and took good care of her without judging her. “It made me research more on the subject and after reading other women’s stories about how they felt empty, sad and depressed after giving birth to their babies, I now understand the condition better and I look out for the symptoms in new mothers around me.”
What is Postpartum Depression?
A Lagos-based psychiatrist, Eunice Anyanwu told Saturday Sun that baby blues is different from postpartum depression. She said that the birth of a baby can stir different powerful emotions in mothers, from excitement and joy to fear and anxiety, but it can also result in depression.
According to her, most new mums experience postpartum baby blues after childbirth, which commonly include mood swings, crying spells, anxiety and difficulty in sleeping. She added that baby blues usually begin within the first two to three days after delivery and may last for up to two weeks.
Anyanwu stated that some new mothers experience a severe, long-lasting form of depression known as postpartum depression. Sometimes it’s called peripartum depression because it can start during pregnancy and continue after childbirth. She added that on some rare occasions, an extreme mood disorder called postpartum psychosis also may develop after childbirth.
“Postpartum depression is not a character flaw or a weakness. It is not a satanic attack as some people believe. It is also not the new mother’s fault that she’s feeling unwell. Sometimes it’s simply a complication of giving birth. If you have postpartum depression, prompt treatment can help you manage your symptoms and help you bond with your baby,” she said.
Anyanwu said that postpartum depression may be mistaken for baby blues at first but the symptoms are more intense and last longer. She added that these may eventually interfere with a woman’s ability to care for her baby and handle other daily tasks and symptoms usually develop within the first few weeks after giving birth.
According to her, postpartum depression symptoms may include crying too much, difficulty in bonding with the baby, depressed mood or severe mood swings, loss of appetite or eating more, withdrawal from family and friends, hopelessness and guilt.
She continued: “Other symptoms are inability to sleep called insomnia, or sleeping too much, overwhelming tiredness or loss of energy, less interest and pleasure in activities you used to enjoy, fear that you are not a good mother, intense irritability and anger, feelings of worthlessness, shame, guilt or inadequacy, reduced ability to think clearly, concentrate or make decisions, restlessness, severe anxiety and panic attacks, as well as thoughts of harming yourself or your baby.”
When to see a doctor
Anyanwu advises that if you are feeling depressed after your baby’s birth, you may be reluctant or embarrassed to admit it. “If you experience any symptoms of postpartum baby blues or postpartum depression, call your doctor and schedule an appointment. If the symptoms don’t fade after two weeks, or if they are getting worse and you are constantly thinking of harming your baby, seek immediate medical help,” the psychiatrist counselled.
More about postpartum depression
The website, https://my.clevelandclinic.org speaks more on postpartum depression:
Postpartum depression (PPD) is a type of depression that happens after someone gives birth. Postpartum depression doesn’t just affect the birthing person. It can affect surrogates and adoptive parents, too. People experience hormonal, physical, emotional, financial and social changes after having a baby. These changes can cause symptoms of postpartum depression.
If you have postpartum depression, know that you are not alone, it’s not your fault and that help is out there. Your healthcare provider can manage your symptoms and help you feel better.
There are three different types of postpartum mood disorders::
Postpartum blues or baby blues
The baby blues affect between 50 per cent and 75 per cent of people after delivery. If you’re experiencing the baby blues, you will have frequent, prolonged bouts of crying for no apparent reason, sadness and anxiety. The condition usually begins in the first week (one to four days) after delivery. Although the experience is unpleasant, the condition usually subsides within two weeks without treatment. The best thing you can do is find support and ask for help from friends, family or your partner.
Postpartum depression
Postpartum depression is a far more serious condition than the baby blues, affecting about one in seven new parents. If you’ve had postpartum depression before, your risk increases to 30 per cent each pregnancy. You may experience alternating highs and lows, frequent crying, irritability and fatigue, as well as feelings of guilt, anxiety and inability to care for your baby or yourself. Symptoms range from mild to severe and may appear within a week of delivery or gradually, even up to a year later. Although symptoms can last several months, treatment with psychotherapy or antidepressants is very effective.
Postpartum psychosis
Postpartum psychosis is an extremely severe form of postpartum depression and requires emergency medical attention. This condition is relatively rare, affecting only one in 1,000 people after delivery. The symptoms generally occur quickly after delivery and are severe, lasting for a few weeks to several months. Symptoms include severe agitation, confusion, feelings of hopelessness and shame, insomnia, paranoia, delusions or hallucinations, hyperactivity, rapid speech or mania. Postpartum psychosis requires immediate medical attention since there is an increased risk of suicide and risk of harm to the baby. Treatment will usually include hospitalization, psychotherapy and medication.
Who is affected by postpartum depression?
Postpartum depression is common. As many as 75 per cent of people experience baby blues after delivery. Up to 15 per cent of these people will develop postpartum depression. One in 1,000 people develop postpartum psychosis.
How do I know if I have baby blues or postpartum depression?
Many people have baby blues after giving birth. Baby blues and postpartum depression have similar symptoms. However, symptoms of baby blues last about 10 days and are less intense. With postpartum depression, the symptoms last weeks or months, and the symptoms are more severe.
Postpartum depression can last until one year after your child is born. However, this doesn’t mean you should feel “cured” in one year. Talk to your healthcare provider about your symptoms and treatment. Be honest about how you feel. Think carefully about if you feel better than you did at the beginning of your diagnosis. Then, they can recommend ongoing treatment for your symptoms.
Certain factors increase your risk for postpartum depression:
Having a personal or family history of depression, postpartum depression or premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD).
Limited social support.
Marital or relationship conflict.
Ambivalence about the pregnancy.
Pregnancy complications like health conditions, difficult delivery or premature birth.
You’re younger than 20 or a single parent.
Having a baby with special needs or a baby who cries a lot.