By Agatha Emeadi
Dr. Nimi Stephanie Ekere, a Consultant Family Physician at Lagos State University Teaching Hospital (LASUTH) Ikeja is at the forefront fighting child sexual abuse and molestations. A graduate of Medicine and Surgery from the University of Port Harcourt, Rivers State and a Fellow of the National Postgraduate Medical College of Family Physicians with interest in Adolescent Health. Ekere’s work with sexually abused children over the years is the reason for her many books on child’s protection which has saved homes from the menace of sexual abuse. In this interview, she expressed her passion to see children live without harm or danger.
I am interested to know why you chose to study Medicine. Were you influenced by a role model?
As with many other children, I always had different courses in mind at different stages of my life. I recall wanting to be a lawyer when I was in primary school because I loved how beautiful lawyers’ wigs looked. Then, my aunt whom I admired was studying law at the time. Then in secondary school, it became clearer that I would be a doctor after I changed my mind about becoming a computer scientist. Another aunt of mine and her husband were both doctors and that made me resolute about studying medicine. I remember that her late husband told me that I would make a very good doctor. What he said never left my mind. Then, the onus was on me to work hard and make that declaration come to pass since I loved to help people, and I knew I could do it profoundly, being a doctor. The dedication of my aunt and her husband to their patients was amazing, and this influenced me to study medicine even as my parents also encouraged me to become a doctor.
Why the interest in child sexual abuse? Is there a personal story behind this?
No, I do not have a personal story regarding this, but from working closely with victims of child sexual abuse as a family physician, and watching them go through traumatizing times from the effects of the abuse was what ignited my passion to fight the menace. I have also seen very close people around me go through physical and psychological pains and I was convinced to take a stand to curb this scourge. More pathetic was realizing that a lot of children were comfortable to open up to me about their ordeal but could not tell anyone else, especially their parents. I knew something had to be done fast to save these children. I also knew that I could be that voice that would change the narrative and help the children enjoy their lives because childhood does not come a second time. I have also had to treat adults who were victims of child sexual abuse. A lot of them battled with depression, post-traumatic stress disorder while a few were suicidal. One lady took her own life because she couldn’t deal with the flashbacks that refused to stop. She had been sexually abused by her biological father. It was so heartrending. The lady before her death exhibited so many deviant behaviors and of course she was judged and victimized by the society, which did not know that she had been so traumatized and therefore exhibited consequences of the trauma she had been through. She was brought to the hospital but defaulted in her visits, medications and psychotherapy and eventually took her own life. So many times, these symptoms do not just go away until the victim gets adequate and proper help.
What can parents do to prevent children’s sexual abuse?
It is the duty of both parents, not only mothers to protect their children. If both father and mother take the issue of child protection seriously, there would be phenomenal drop in the prevalence of this menace. I have always maintained that parents are the first line of defense. They should do all that they can to pay maximum attention to their child›s welfare. Parents need to have a relationship with their children. It is not enough to buy them gifts, but their presence would be more beneficial. As much as possible, be in their lives, know them and get them to know you. This is where communication is pertinent. If this is missing, how would you know what is going on with them? Again, being their friend is so important. A lot of parents are authoritarian and expect their children to open up to them. That would be difficult. You can›t be tyrannical and expect the kids to open up to you. A lot of children are so scared to discuss their challenges with their parents and they would rather tell their friends or people they feel comfortable with about their plight. To this end, every parent needs to be more intentional about their child›s safety and make efforts to ensure that their child is not exposed to danger by anyone. I would like to reiterate that parents should be in the lives of their children, know them, get them to know you, be a role model, know their friends, know the books they read and what they watch, communicate more and better with them and pray for them endlessly. Owing to the present situation of the economy, it has become really imperative for both parents to work and this has a huge effect on the children if both parents do not try to strike that balance of being there for their children. Again, parents must be very careful who they entrust their children with; it is very important to carry out due diligence before employing domestic staff or people to live with. Additionally, security measures like installing a CCTV will not be a bad idea; and as a parent, don›t get tired of reading books that would help you become a better parent, attend parenting classes, conferences and get mentors who you think can help you on the parenting journey.
How can the government curb child sexual abuse?
The first step is to ensure that all the states in the federation domesticate the Child Rights Acts and ensure it is implemented. Government at all levels should treat with utmost priority issues that concern children and ensure they enact laws that protect children in all ramifications, such that anyone that defaults in this regard should face the music. There should be no sacred cows. No one should be too big to evade prosecution and if found guilty should be punished accordingly. I also think that government should support child abuse NGOs and work with them to ensure that the prevalence is significantly reduced.
Have your books made any impact, to save children from the menace?
Absolutely, the feedbacks I get from both parents and children are phenomenal. Parents tell me it has equipped them with the right information on how to keep their children safe and how their relationship with their children improved greatly after reading my books. And more heart-warming would be from the plethora of children who have told me how their lives have changed for the better after reading my books. My books are in use in primary and secondary schools in Nigeria and one of them is recommended for use in the Junior WAEC.
How was growing up for you? Share with us the family background that propelled you to where you are today.
I had a good childhood but wished my dad was more present in our lives. He was busy during my formative years and I remember I usually wished he was more available. My mum tried her best to make up for his absence, especially at school events but I still wished he was more available. This is why I emphasise that both father and mother should try and be fully involved in their child›s welfare and not just financial.
That said, my dad influenced me so much to become the writer that I am. He made me love to read as he would read newspapers and other educational materials and give them to me. We always held very logical conversations and I think this influenced me greatly to love writing. As a child, I wrote many books that I can’t find today. My mum on the other hand, influenced me to become the very kind person and humanitarian person that I am today. She loved and still loves to help people especially the less privileged.
If you weren’t a doctor, what would you have loved to be and why?
Maybe a teacher because I absolutely love children and want them to live right and purposefully. Then, again, l love to see children safe from any form of harm as they grow to achieve their potentials.