Many Pentecostals love a popular song by Chinwe Udoma, in which she sang about how Jehovah embarrassed her with many, many blessings.
Something akin to this played out in a church recently. I stumbled on it, on the Facebook page of the church, while scrolling through my phone, one early morning.
Honestly, I found the message by the popular Lagos pastor to be one of the greatest sermons I have heard in recent times. The beauty of the message rhymed with the sea blue suit of the pastor who is always smartly dressed. Evidently, he was on fire, a bundle of energy and his voice boomed loud and clear from the sound system. At some point he shouted: “Overwhelm your wife by giving her, on top of her salary.” That declaratory statement lit the female members of the congregation with fire. The resounding ‘Amen’ that followed that admonition rent the air. For the women among the congregation that morning, what the pastor said was like melodious music to their ears. It took the preacher about three minutes to get the auditorium quiet enough for him to continue preaching.
Tear drops almost rolled down my cheeks, especially when the pastor did not stop there. He reprimanded the men, saying to them: “If you are in the habit of asking your wife about her salary, please stop it henceforth.” Oh, women could not hold back their joy as they jumped onto their seats in chants of joy and freedom at last. The pastor asked with a not-too-friendly facial expression: “Why do you as a man ask your wife about her salary? Why and what for? Please if you are a victim, stop it henceforth. Instead of asking after her salary, overwhelm her by giving her more money than her salary.”
The pastor stressed that the women needed better treatment to enjoy their lives. Over the years, women have been boxed into a corner of financial submission including those who knew nothing about their spouses’ upbringing and education. Women get married to men and are expected to become automatic ATMs that must submit their hard earned salary, to make the husbands happy. Many years ago, a former colleague once told me how his wife can never buy a pair of ordinary stud earrings from her own salary because they are married, and must submit her salary to him for proper accountability. Really?
When the story was told, my first question was, if she gets herself the earrings what will happen? He responded, “She is crossing the red line for her own divorce.” I asked him again, if your own sister is treated that way, hope you will applaud your in-law as well? So, the same woman who has no financial freedom is also expected to be the best of the wives in everything. Note it from today that women’s financial freedom is key to her behavior, feeling and attitude.
Honestly, I watched that video several times to catch a glimpse of the demon that has been attacked and conquered by the support of a Pastor through the women’s facial expressions. Oh, Good Lord, the roaring amen, laughter and clapping that came with this great admonition was a big sign that there had been a deep open wound, which only the truth could heal. When that truth was finally spoken, both the sender and receivers of that message heard it clearly well. Only God knows the depth of the relief it gave the women, especially as the declaration came from a man of God. Women have craved to experience this walk to freedom to have control over their income and resources, be happy and live in the joy which financial control gives. Not even the resolutions of the 1995 Beijing Conference could break the jinx of women submitting their salaries to their men for marital peace to reign. Therefore, the man of God came to rescue the women from the shackles of financial bondage. How that day shall be for most sisters! Can this burden ever be lifted from women who are enmeshed in submitting their hard-earned income to end skirmishes in the other room. When, therefore, would some women have financial freedom from their husbands, not to talk of overwhelming them by giving her on top of her salary? Should this happen, what would someone call it, daydreaming or drama? If it materializes regularly, the husband in question would have remodeled his home. Yes, such a husband would never ever meet stiff opposition in the other room. In fact, as highly respected minister of the gospel and good marriage evangelist, Pastor Mrs Funke Felix-Adejumo would say about her husband: “Ask me anything you want, and I will give you, even to half of the kingdom.” When she said it in one of her videos, what other kingdom do you think she could have been referring to? Is it not the “kingdom” at the midway point of a woman’s beautiful body? He will be at liberty to enjoy his woman at all times because anyone can give material things, but giving attention, loyalty, effort and honesty is priceless. The man’s name would be written in gold in the heart of his wife. And the goodwill rub off on the in-laws, friends and family members. The deserved respect men crave for will surely stand the test of time without them asking for it – if and only if, he overwhelms his wife by giving her on top of her salary.
Truth be told, so many preachers have changed the norms with deceptive words from the altar which should be held sacred. The two most offensive are: “Submit everything to your husband because two have become one, including a selfish husband who would let one’s parents down in times of need. The next is that misused, deceptively applied quote from Malachi chapter 3: “Bring everything into the storehouse (church) which they term it to mean ‘bring it here.’ If a rich sister supports a widow, an orphan or the less privileged, to some selfish pastors, it would not be welcomed by God, except she brings everything to the pastor and the church. I am not against giving, but it could be spread to others in need, not only pastors. Oftentimes, these commandments are thrown at the women continually to remind them of their place as the weaker sex. Yes, the men are also advised to sit up to their responsibilities in order not to be branded as infidel (as the Bible teaches), though this is not the message for the day, but the great turnaround which would cover a home with beauty when a man overwhelms his woman by giving her more money than her salary. Now, I have known Iya Fausat and her husband as grain-grinders in a local market along Isolo-Ikotun road. Many times, for the sake of power failure, I would patronize them to ease my own work, instead of waiting for the power supply to be restored for me to use my blender. Each time she rendered service to me, I would pay Iya Fausat directly, in her hand, because I understand a woman’s financial empowerment, but before me, she would give the money to her husband who would put it in his own pocket. Well, only God knows what the agreement and arrangement between them is, because I would prefer to support a fellow woman to have something in her own pocket, but never. Her husband is completely the custodian of the proceeds of their business. Now, imagine a situation where Iya Fausat is opportune to hear that she could keep part of the money from their joint business, then her husband overwhelms her on top of the one she already has, how that day shall be for Iya Fausat and husband knowing that women do not respect title, but responsibilities which include finance, taken away from them.
Again, most people would attribute love, respect and unity in a family and tie it towards the money bags. No, a non-cash cow can also raise his head in admiration through his conduct, character and status and overwhelm his woman. Such could be achieved by throwing away pride, arrogance, stupidity and foolishness. With politeness, respect, and responsibility, he would also be overwhelming his woman the other way round. A simple adage says, if an in-law does not have wealth, let him come with peaceful mien; his in-law will be proud of him at all times. I give it to Mr. Henry Esohe; through his character, his inlaws nick-named him Sir Hens. Sir Hens was a responsible inlaw, good to most members of his in-law’s family. When there was a vacancy for a chieftaincy title, his in-laws nominated him to represent them and that, he did so well. All he gave to them to win their love was his words, politeness, responsibility, standing on the truth when they have issues as family members.
When he sought the hand of Emamuzo (Mamuz), his wife in marriage, his father-in-law insisted Mamuz must graduate before settling down in marriage, which was common in many families anyway. Sir Hens promised to fulfill that obligation. The moment he kept that promise, he won the heart of his inlaws and they never joked with him. Sir Hens was a well-respected gentleman, though not financially strong, but his other life qualities took the shine off his financial capability.
On the other hand, a man who stands by his wife through thick and thin should be trustworthy. Efetobori (Tobo) quickly comes to mind. When his wife was diagnosed with cancer of the breast, he stood by her, not because of the ailment, but because they had grown together to form a bond. So, he overwhelmed her with that same energy which gave her great strength until her journey ended.
Dear People of God, the essence of coming together in any relationship is to have great time in companionship, unity, love and peace. No one should be treated shabbily in the course of the relationship, both men and women. None should also be mal-treated or seen as a junior partner. Men holding onto women’s resources is the reason most women run away from and reject joint accounts outright. Some would rather contribute towards a project and see it to fruition. Overwhelming in finance, quality character, protection and provision gives women wings to fly high with a clearer view, restful mind, and assurance of who they are.