Copious volumes of tears have been shed by Nigerians over the death of popular gospel singer, Osinachi Nwachukwu, who many believe died from injuries allegedly inflicted on her by the husband. The police have commenced investigations into the allegations as more revelations are being made about the tone of the marital relationship between the couple.
The picture emerging is that Osinachi was a victim of long-running domestic violence, which she endured for reasons a majority of people are simply unable to grasp. The one thing that hundreds of people who have commented on her demise agree on is that her death should not have happened at all – if she had hearkened to the voice of reason and voted against the marriage with her feet.
It is estimated that one in every three women experiences domestic violence at the hands of the very persons, who claim to love them. The evil ranges from battering, thrashings, torture, acid bath and rape which most times lead to consequential death. The enormity of the situation comes home when you consider what the Lagos State Attorney General and Commissioner of Justice, Mr. Moyosore Onigbanjo, a senior advocate, recently said. The learned silk revealed that the state recorded 10,007 cases of domestic violence from May 2019 to August 26, 2021.
Now, human beings differ in various ways, particularly in reasoning, perception and views. In circumstances where either the man or woman murders a spouse, one fact is very clear: the covenant of life is superior to the covenant of marriage. The absolute truth is that life comes first before marriage and relationships. Ordinarily, no one has the right to take another person’s life. But if one feels so offended, the person can take a walk from the relationship, either the man or the woman.
From the published accounts on social media, print and electronic media, Osinachi’s husband, Peter Nwachukwu, allegedly had a practice of battering and brutalizing her, even going to the extent of ordering their children to beat her too. In a report, one of the children was quoted as saying: “Our father seized mummy’s car. He said that beating a woman is good; on one occasion, he pushed her out of the car. We do not know how mummy got back home. He would pin mummy down and encourage us to beat her.” What a beastly husband and father!
Since the terrible news broke, blood curdling accounts have been given on the ill-treatment she passed through. For a reason that most people simply consider beyond comprehension, Osinachi chose to remain in the marriage, smile for the camera as seen in some of selfies she took with the husband – all the while masking the agony in her marriage.
In the light of the absolutely untimely death of Osinachi, women must begin to accord their life and safety priority. Be alert in spirit and smart enough to notice when your life is being threatened. If you are faced with violence, be it domestic or otherwise, please save your head. Take a very long walk and live. Notice when your marital life is turning into bondage. Notice when your spouse begins strip you of your family members, friends and colleagues. This process isolates you so that nobody will know about the marital situation and begin to plan your deliverance. Even if you are being threatened by your own biological children, siblings, family members, save your life first. You deserve to live. Don’t let your life be carelessly wasted by anyone, no matter who the person is. Women who claim that they remain in toxic relationships because of their children, the image of the family or the church, you might come to an abrupt end. It is better to separate from the bully and find peace with your children. If you die, you are gone and the children will still survive without you.
This also calls to mind the need for women to be econimically empowered, so that they can fend for themselves. Some men prevent their women from being economically active. This gives such husbands leverage to control the women in such situations. From today, you woman do not fold your hands anymore, start something, sell sachet water. God will bless and prosper the work of your hands. Take the initiative to make yourself strong and financially independent.
Families should not scold daughters and encourage them to stay in toxic marriages. They should rightly be held accountable if such daughters are killed by the abusive husbands. A lady who is bold enough to walk out of her marriage should be received with affection and treated with contempt. Christian mothers who think that they will be disqualified in church if their daughters walk out of toxic marriages or not considered as good Christians, need to have a rethink. Women who walk out from toxic marriages are bold and strong, they should not be laughed at or seen as cheap and weak.
Psychologists are beginning to determine that abusive husbands are products of faulty parenting that starts from childhood. When a three-year-old son gets angry over food he does not like, throws it away and the mother shrugs it off, that is a bad precedent. When your toddler hits you for a whatever reason and you don’t discipline him, he will do it again and grow up thinking it is okay. When you say things like, ‘no child in the neighbourhood messes with him’ or refer to him as ‘a no-nonsense boy’ you are negatively pumping his ego. When he throws things at people whenever he is angrystopped from doing something and the parents just smile and call him action boy, that is setting the stage for an abusive spouse to emerge in adulthood. Few years down the line, the teenage boy will bully his sisters, order them around and beat of them.
When he grows up this way, it is like a storm gradually gathering, to be unleashed in a toxic marriage. The allegedly abusive husband of Osinachi, did not fall from heaven, rather he is a wrongly raised son. To this end, all hands must be on deck to end the evil practice. From the homes to the schools and religious organizations, it is a wake-up call for all, to earnestly contribute to the onerous and godly task of raising children to reverence and honour God and treat other human beings with dignity.
Finally, be a shoulder a hurting person can lean on, confide in and be assured that you would handle the information maturedly and wisely, to bring about a beautiful outcome. Don’t turn what was confided to you into a topic for social media clicks. Don’t betray the trust of that sister who confided in you. For fear of being the object of cheap gossip, she might clam up and prefer to suffer in silence. Show empathy, pray up the problem and also take positive action. Sometimes individuals in toxic relationships just need to be dragged out with holy anger, for them to have a proper mental reset.