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By Cosmas Omegoh
Omugwo, an enduring custom of the Igbo race, is as ancient as the hills. According to those vast in Igbo culture and tradition, the practice is as old as history.
The omugwo custom, it was learnt, ensures that a mother goes over to nurse her daughter and her newborn soon after the former puts to bed. The older mother stays with her daughter for some period of time assisting, comforting, and teaching her baby-sitting.
When the young mother is having her baby the first time, the mother comes handy assisting and imparting quality nuggets she needs to care for her newborn. The woman goes on to help her daughter carry out numerous domestic chores, ensuring that she fully recovers well enough from the pangs and stress of childbirth so as to become strong and well enough again to face the arduous task of caring for her child and her family.
But a new twist seems to be creeping into the omugwo custom, which has been acclaimed as a wholesome, time-hallowed signature of the Igbo people.
According to Sunday Sun findings, as the society evolves, driven by advances in civilisation, many men are increasingly getting the short end of the stick from their wives when they go on omugwo.
The affected men are abandoned at home in quandary, uncared for, unattended to while their wives frolic and junket from city to city, continent to continent, seemingly performing omugwo; some stay over for long months without caring a hoot about the welfare of their husbands back at home.
From time to time, chilling stories of men starved of food, love and care by their wives on omugwo in distant lands, echo across the landscape, the same for tales of women who travelled to Europe and America, found new love and remarried. There are also narratives of women refusing to return home to their husbands for long months. Even when they eventually returned home, they were already due for another round of omugwo in another city, country or continent after their other child had been put to bed. Such women, it was learnt, go on omugwo, sometimes thrice yearly, spending more than a year without caring about the welfare of their spouses who are left to ebb and vegetate without care.
At the moment, the aggregate of the plight of many men badly affected by their wives’ absence keeps pundits pondering if some Igbo ancestors are not cringing in their graves seeing what is becoming of the sacred idea they once conceived for the good of the society.
Some people spoken to have expressed serious concerns regarding standing the Igbo custom on its head, thus faulting the influences some today’s mothers now bring to bear on the culture once held dearly and highly.
Omugwo in its purity
Omugwo, according to Prof Bright Chigozie Nnabuihe, head of Department of Linguistics, African and Asian Studies, University of Lagos (Unilag), dates back in history.
“The omugwo history we know is as old as Igbo itself,” Prof Nnabuihe, an expert in Igbo language and culture, recalled in an encounter with Sunday Sun, adding: “It has been part of our people’s culture; it was handed down to us by our ancestors.
“Our ancestors had found out that once a woman is put to bed, she loses lots of blood, a lot of energy. Therefore, she needs time to regain her strength – to be herself again. And her mother is the one in the best position to see her through that period.
“Of course, there is no forgetting that mothers mostly share very close relationships with their daughters. So, they are the best fit for that assignment.”
Omugwo, according to Chief Goody Uwazuruike, a lawyer and prominent chieftain of Ohanaeze Ndigbo, is as old as marriage itself.
He pointed out that “it is an endeavour carried out by the women only.
“Usually when a young woman gives birth, she needs the assistance of an older woman who is already experienced in child bearing/caring. The said woman may not be her own mother; but she must have acquired some experience from her own mother.
“Omugwo is a custom handed down from one generation to another. It runs in every lineage.”
Expectations from mothers on omugwo
A woman going on omugwo does not go empty-handed. She leaves loaded. She goes prepared.
“She takes along with her a whole lot of things she can afford to make her presence worthwhile,” Prof Nnabuihe recalled, adding that “some who can afford it go with a live rooster, uda and uziza leaves, yam, assorted ingredients for cooking soup and much more.
“On arrival, she spares her daughter the energy of cooking, washing clothes and taking care of the baby and the home. She also bathes her with hot water to enable her to regain herself fully.
“The woman may spend between four and 84 market days (one week – three months) as circumstances permit. In some instances, she might opt to return home and go back again after a while depending on the distance. The idea is to ensure that her husband and the rest of her household do not suffer needlessly.”
Supporting his claim, Chief Uwazuruike added that “when a woman goes for omugwo, her role is to take care of the young mother and the new born baby.
“Our forbearers long knew that when a woman puts to bed, it takes time before she recovers both physically and psychologically. Usually, someone she trusts – especially her mother or sister – has to help her in that regard.
“In a way, the new mother trusts mostly those close to her. She might not thrust her mother in-law that much. It is only on rare occasions that the mother-in-law fills the gap.”
Throwing more light on the custom, Chief Uwazuruike said: “When a woman puts to bed, her body obviously undergoes some changes. It is those changes in her body system that must be resorted to their original form. For instance, in the process of giving birth, the woman’s dimensions are altered. If that is not taken care of at that time, it may result to permanent disfigurement in the genitalia.
“It is the duty of the woman who is attending omugwo to use hot water and towel to bathe/massage the woman daily for about three weeks. The woman who has gone on omugwo bathes the baby during the period. The baby needs special handling by an experienced person; that the young mother doesn’t have. Even if she does, she still needs a guardian.
“Omugwo, therefore, is that special duty which only the women perform – not the men. And so when you watch Osuofia saying he is going on omugwo, that is mere entertainment.”
How the omugwo journey begins
The omugwo odyssey is the ultimate wish of every mother to undertake. Again, Chief Uwazuruike takes over the narrative.
He said: “Once a woman gets the message that her daughter has gone into labour or has put to bed, she quickly begins to gather a lot of things to go with. She then lets her neighbours know about the good news of the birth of a newborn. She gets uda seeds especially among other items.
“She then organises her home; in some instances, she might ask her closest relation/wife of her brother-in-law to take care of her home – her children, chicken and goats, among other things.
“Now, before the advent of the colonialists, women usually married at 16. At 32, they were set to become grandmothers.
“At that time, their husbands couldn’t be left alone to care for themselves, otherwise some of them would begin to cast their eyes around; some might even get a new wife during the period because omugwo can last for three months.
“But if a man is disciplined, one of his brother’s wives might come to help out – but not in the bedroom anyway. So, the man has to live a celibate life during this period.”
Corroborating this narrative, a man, Nze Ikechukwu Iwu, affirmed that the period a woman is away on omugwo is usually difficult and tempting.
“The last time my daughter living in Onitsha put to bed, my wife hurried off on omugwo, with little thoughts on how things would go at home. That in particular was a tough period for me because all my children were already away. Some had married and had left the home.
“Getting to eat was a real challenge,” he lamented.
But he added with a little humour: “At omugwo time, the women are on top.”
What mothers do to secure families
Indeed, when a woman is away on omugwo, a clear gap is created. This much was acknowledged by Prof Nnabuihe who encouraged today’s mothers to recognise this fact and be careful to get things right.
“In those days when some men married two or more wives, the absence of one of them who was away on omugwo never mattered – that never affected any man. But those days are long gone. But now, not planning to take care of the man matters.
“If a woman wants to ensure that her absence does not affect her husband, she must endeavour that their grown-up daughters/sons are handy to cook food for their father and minister some of his pressing needs.
“To ensure that the man does not suffer grievously, a woman might spend a little above eight market days or less and return home. Some might be going to see their daughters and returning after every four market days.
“However, things have changed with time,” he admitted, adding that “many women are now attending omugwo in lands far flung – Europe, Asia and even the USA. Some of them spend long months before returning. In that case, there has to be a well laid down arrangement for the husband to survive the days she will be away. It is up to the couple to work things out.”
Chief Uwazuruike admitted that thus far, there have been changes in the way omugwo is being carried out nowadays.
“Take the case of a woman who is a civil servant. There is one of them I know who is a high court judge. When her daughter was put to bed, she only visited her and the baby for one weekend. She then encouraged her to come over to her home in Abuja so that she could take care of her daughter and she did. That was the only way her mother could do her own omugwo – meaning that it could be done anywhere these days for convenience sake.
“In Lagos, a mother had to invite her daughter and her husband over to her own home so that omugwo could be done there. She said to them ‘come over here; there are vacant rooms in my house so that I will look after you very well’ and they came over. And that was where the omugwo was done.
“On the other hand, the period can be reduced to one or two weeks. In another instance, an experienced midwife could be contracted to perform the duty of the mother.”
How some now abuse omugwo
Although omugwo has been acclaimed to be very helpful over the ages, some women, it was learnt, have been importing disaster into the revered custom thus making some men reconsider their wives’ participation in it. Such women have been handing their husbands some raw deal.
Chief Uwazuruike admitted that much when he said: “Let me tell you, omugwo overseas is turning out to be a disaster. It is no longer the custom we all know. It is now lasting much longer than the usual three months; some women now stay back for more than one year. While they are away, their husbands are abandoned and left to suffer. It is a new disaster overtaking some marriages. Some women don’t care anymore about what happens to their husbands and marriages. That in itself is a big problem.”
Meanwhile, there are emerging unbelievable stories of women indulging in things that offend marriage while on omugwo.
Apart from their poor husbands being left vulnerable to suffer needlessly, they go out there enjoying their freedom in the sun.
Such stories ache the mind, and here are some of them isolated as they may seem to be.
“I once lived somewhere in Surulere, Lagos where I observed the plight of a man whose wife always went on omugwo,” Ikechukwu Ogaraku, a trader based in Lagos stated, adding that “I once had this neighbour who later relocated to the USA to join her husband. I later learnt that one of her sisters was also living in the USA, another in The Netherlands.
“When she left for overseas, she left her apartment for her younger brother. Months after she arrived in the US, she was put to bed. Soon her mother arrived from the East and headed straight for the States. She returned three months after looking good and left for the East. About three months later, she was back in Lagos on her way to Holland. Barely four months later, the woman returned to Lagos.
“I always knew she was around and preparing to travel each time I saw egusi, ogbono and other stuff spread out in the sun on a platform in the compound.
“When she came back from The Netherlands, again she left for home in the East. Not long after she was back in Lagos. Her third daughter I learnt living in California had given birth. She was preparing for the trip. She was accompanied to Lagos by her husband. The man was looking wiry, sickly and gaunt. He returned home after his wife had departed.
“I later learnt that two months after, the man died. She returned to mourn him and finally relocated overseas.”
If the Ogaraku story did not touch the heart, this one definitely will, told by a lady, identified as Mama Samuel. It is stranger than fiction. It is the story of a woman a little above 60 who attended omugwo in the US, found love there and later returned to divorce her husband, returned to the US and remarried.
“The woman was said to be visiting her daughter who was delivered of her baby.
“Having had to sit at home all day, the daughter was told, one day decided to show her the neigbourhood. She bought her a tracksuit and tennis shoes to wear and walk around.
“One of those cool evenings as the woman was catching some air, a Nigerian widower met her; they got talking; in days, both oldies were locked in a searing love relationship and there was no stopping them. The encounter left her shell-shocked daughter, her sibling living miles away in a neigbouring state with her husband short of words.”
Our correspondent was told that nothing the woman’s grown-up kids did could stop her. When she eventually returned to her home in Anambra State, she picked a few of her belongings and headed for a hotel. In weeks, she had procured her divorce papers, throwing her husband under the bus.
Mama Samuel disclosed: “She gradually gathered all the relevant papers she needed and returned to the USA and to her new man she fared. Today, she and her daughter live in the same neigbourhood.”
How to avoid Omugwo dangers
Chief Uwazuruike wants every woman to reconsider the original idea of omugwo for sanity sake, as that would help them seek to accommodate the welfare of their husbands and marriage.
“Real women who love their homes and husbands must return home from omugwo at most in three months. No woman should be outside her home for too long.
“Sadly, we have seen some women who went overseas, on omugwo and failed to return. After three months of omugwo, they start babysitting. They spent five years there and became citizens. When they were asked of their husbands, they would say ‘he is there’; they stayed put and when old age caught up with them, they die there and their bodies are ferried back home.
“In some cases, some of them went out of their way to get a temporary wife who later became second wives because there was no one to cook for them while their wives were away. Of course, if there is any woman coming to cook for them, no one would guarantee what would happen,” he said.
He commended the efforts of women in the Catholic and Anglican churches for rising to protect the homes of their members on omugwo while they are away.
Women abandoning their homes while pretending to be doing omugwo, according to Nnabuihe, is terrible.
“Such act is despicable. In some cultures, there may be consequences,” he said.
To mitigate the dangers now presented by women going on omugwo, Chief Uwazuruike charged couples to work out unique ways of catering for their individual needs.
He emphasised that omugwo had come to be, insisting on three things: “One, omugwo must be performed; two the man must find a way to avoid marrying two wives. Three: a woman who has gone on omugwo must realise that while taking care of the daughter, she has her husband to take care of.”
Then he summed it up by warning: “Anytime these three things are neglected, there is a disaster waiting in the wings.”