Dear Njigirl,
My wife constantly goes through my stuff once I come back from work and I really hate that. When I tell her how I feel she says it is because I am hiding something. We have been married for six years and I am about calling it quits. Please help.
ν Michael
Dear Michael,
I think it is wrong for your wife to be searching through your belongings at anytime. Although you are married, I believe that there should be a level of privacy that ought to be maintained in a relationship. Your wife is showing that she does not trust you hence she is looking for signs of infidelity. But the question is why is she going through this level of insecure behavior? Have you given her reason to be suspicious of you? Are you constantly staring at members of the opposite sex? Do you flirt at parties? Are you in the habit of collecting phone numbers from various females? Some women are just jealous and believe that they can control their men but this often backfires.
Lack of trust is a very serious issue in relationships and can quickly damage the relationship. First, assure your wife that you have eyes for none other than her.
How do you do that you may ask? Pay attention to her at all times. Show interest in the things that she does and encourage her to continue. Ask her about her day and be interested in her activities. Do not place a lock on your phone and encourage her to also do the same. Respect each other’s privacy. Attend the office party and such other corporate events with her. Call her just to say hello. Hold her hand as you go for that evening stroll. Buy her gifts just because you love and care for her, not necessarily to mark any anniversary or other milestone. Do not miss her birthday or your anniversary. Allow her to plan the yearly vacation.
Help her decide what hairstyle or clothes to wear to your mom’s thanksgiving dinner.
Show her off lovingly to your family even if she has gained some weight.
Well, with all these tips, I bet you she will be so comfortable with you and will have no reason to ransack your belongings.
Happy New Year.
ν Dr. NJ