I was the second person to arrive at the large auditorium that year. Most of the time, it has been like that. A few minutes later, the minister arrived and greeted me warmly, apologizing for the late arrival of his members. He, however, explained that their women had rounded off their fellowship that morning and had gone home for brunch not long before I arrived. He was very optimistic that they would soon be back. And they did, the men also. That was at the Presbyterian Church. The topic was Managing Conflicts in Marriage.
I told them that it would not be possible for me to have any conflict with Mrs. Dolapo Osibanjo because she lives in Abuja, while I live in Lagos. I can only have conflicts with my wife, who lives in the same house with me and shares, not only the same room but also the same bed with me. She once had a room for herself, which she never used. It turned out at last to be a Power Room, a place for prayers.
After settling a misunderstanding, a Christian wife told her husband, Darling, I have lost a friend. He was that friend. That speaks loud. Her husband might have won the case. He might have made use of privileged information she had confided in him about herself. It is wise for couples to keep secrets, even during crisis, anything entrusted to their care by their spouses. It is possible to win a case and then lose your spouse. Let us rather lose a case and retain our spouse.
A man once told me that his daughter was a whore. The young lady later confirmed it when she confessed her immoral escapades with men. An ugly relationship later brought her to the centre of a storm. The man told the panel that was handling her case that his daughter was a virgin, and that under duress, she admitted what she never did. Perhaps, he forgot what he told me or that he had made up his mind to deny that he said so. To his greatest surprise, I refused to disclose to the panel what he confided in me, even when it appeared he was winning the case to my hurt. That gave him much jitters and it earned me much reIf two of you shall agree on earth concerning anything you ask, it will be done for you by my Father, Who is in Heaven, says Jesus. Can two walk together unless they agree? asks Prophet Amos. It is the devil that brings conflicts in homes so that a husband and his spouse will not be in agreement and in that way, God will not answer their prayers. We should be very careful. The way unbelievers handle conflicts is different from the way the children of God do. They may fight, kill, divorce, maintain a withdrawn posture, et cetera.
The Christians pray, discuss and may surrender their rights. It is a tragedy when a Christian behaves like an unbeliever. When the herdsmen of Abraham had some issues with those of Lot, his nephew, he sued for peace and surrendered his right. Abraham did not consider that he was the one who raised the young man. In a foolish manner, Lot accepted his proposal of choosing the land before him. That did not prevent Abraham from rescuing him when he was captured in a battle, evidence of absolute forgiveness for his erring nephew. God recompensed Abraham for the gesture.
Abigail could have raised much dust, but she did not when Nabal, her husband, without consulting her, took all decisions by himself in refusing to honour Davids request for help. What he did was to package as much insult as he could to David, their national champion. Instead of quarrelling with her husband, she rather applied wisdom in soliciting forgiveness from David. Arriving home, she met her darling husband, drunk – dead drunk – in a party in their house of which she was a stranger. Most wives would have pulled down the walls but she did not. Instead of confronting him, she kept quiet, absorbing the shock till the next day, when he would be sober. She then rehearsed to him Davids plan to wipe out the entire family but for her intervention.
For David and Michal, his wife, decency was once thrown to the dogs. Princess Michal was doubtlessly an unhappy wife. Arriving at the palace, after being forced out of the house of Phaltiel, who married her when David abandoned her, she met his six wives. That was a man she risked her life to save from her fathers wrath. David was excited because the Ark of God had been brought successfully to Jerusalem unlike the first expedition that claimed the life of Uzzah.
She did not join in the celebration but could not hide her disdain as she insulted David brazenly. Surprisingly, David forgot that he was coming out from Gods presence. That was the king reputed to have danced in such a manner that his clothes fell off from his body. He went off on a tangent, insulting Saul, his dead father-in-law. His problem with Michal was obviously that of unequal yoke: a husband that loved God and a wife, who never encountered God, whose father would rather consult a witch than have anything to do with God.
The conflict between Paul and Barnabas was that they were looking at a coin from different sides, each being right in his own way. Paul made a good suggestion that they should follow up their new converts. Barnabas accepted but insisted that John Mark, his nephew, must go with them. The problem of couples is deepened when one of them makes up his or her mind before discussing a matter with the other. Paul could not see how they would go with Mark, who left them on the lurch in Pega, when they needed him much.
It led to divorce, Barnabas going with Mark and Paul with Silas. Barnabas was wrong in insisting that Mark must go with them, but right in saying, “I know the sin of this young man, let us give him a second chance. Paul refused but later used Mark after being discipled by Barnabas. A humble man, he confessed later that Mark was useful in the ministry.
For further comment, Please contact: Osondu Anyalechi: 0909 041 9057; [email protected]