It is significant that adherents of the two dominant, organized religions, Christianity and Islam, are both engaged in annual religious activities, Lenten period and Ramadan, which are observed with fasting. Both espouse penitence as well as the demonstration of love and compassion.
For the orthodox Christians (Catholics and Protestants), the 40 days Lenten period is about to end with Easter celebration immediately following while Muslim faithful have passed through the first week of the Ramadan, which will end with the sighting of new moon sometime in the last week of April or first week of May. Both religious activities are supposed to strengthen bonds between the adherents and the people around them and also improve relations with other people they interact with in the course of daily life activities – in the offices, marketplace, hospitals, schools and everywhere else.
For both Christians and Muslims, this period has witnessed more holy living, piousness, acts of charity and compassion, abstinence, shunning of frivolities, control on ostentatious lifestyle and being more prayerful as well.
But in the thick of this season of piety, a big question was thrown for debate: should holy living prevent spouses from engaging marital rites? This question came up following a loud scream heard from the home of an Alfa one early morning in Ajegunle area of Apapa. Neighbours rushed out with intent to help in case there was a domestic accident, but they turned away when the wife of the Alfa began talking about what caused the early morning commotion. From what she said it emerged that she had refused to have sex with her husband on the ground of observing the mandatory Ramadan fast. Her blunt refusal earned a barrage of hot slaps, which made her see stars, scream out loudly and attracted the sharp reaction of neighbours. Neighbourhood amebos who spread the story that ended up on social media revealed that the other wives of the Alfa travelled while the youngest wife stayed backed to handle the Ramadan cooking and take care of other necessary domestic chores during their absence. When konji gripped Alfa, he expected his wife to put out the fire, but like Zuma Rock, the she bluntly refused to ‘cooperate’ arguing that abstinence must be observed during the Ramadan. As the wife ranted before the neighbours, Alfa became ashen faced as his wife had brought him to open ridicule over a matter that properly belonged to the other room. One by one, they neighbours went away, feeling that they had no capacity to judge a matter sexual denial between lovers and spouses.
Love, compassion and sex urge are all emotions that have been with man since creation. How these emotions are expressed differs from one individual to the other, even in the season of pious living. Some spouses choose to eat together when both are at home, whereby whoever gets home first waits for the other to return. Another person may express love for the spouse in a different way. For instance, Ike Ibezim, a foremost banker who chooses to visit wife’s parents often during the season and that gladdens the wife’s heart. Some add up to their roles of paying bills with domestic chores as far as there is mutual respect. While some couples indulge in various routine steps to have a rewarding union during the abstinence days, some other spouses crave sexual satisfaction in their home – after all that is a sure way of avoiding adultery, which is a grievous sin on its own. 
In the same vein, most women who are fanatical in their submission as far as religious activities are concerned, might be getting it so wrong when the deny their husbands their due entitlement. Most church goers think that having sex during fasting is wrong. Well, it will be better we separate fanaticism with responsibility. Using the fasting period to deny your lover might push him outside the more. The interpretation according to some women is that God will hear and answer the prayers more because sex was avoided. I call it a mindset that needs to be reset. At such points, women now forget that they are married and obedience is a virtue and not a vice. In the spirit of the season, do not destroy your marital relationship. You should feel free to express your feelings to your husband even while maintaining the pious spiritual posture. What each gave to the partner might turn things around for both.
Then and again, love during the Lenten and Ramadan seasons is not only about sexual intercourse. Marital romance which does not entail sex should be enhanced. For instance, what stops a couple from choosing to break their fast by eating a healthy meal at a very good respectable and swanky eatery as a special treat? Which woman would not want such pampering treatment? Which woman would not love to have her husband escort to the salon and watch her get a pedicure, a facial and the other things that enhance her looks and then he hands over his ATM card or makes a transfer to directly pay for the services. That woman would go home, walking on air. There are a lot of lovers who are done with kissing and pressing the mumu buttons of their partners. Some have thrown away the romantic tempting look, and only wait for the wee hours to hop on their women like birds. Some lovers have thrown away the basic first attraction that got them to the melting point, the intelligence, humility, virtuousness, warmth, that nice back-shape, full chest and appreciative figure, broad smiles, sexy eyes, masculinity, long fluffy hair, clear smooth skin, nice complexion, baritone voice and all the other beautiful attributes that God endowed in men and women. All these have been replaced with bickering, quarrels and internal strife. Then, this is the season to look inwards and restore all dying and long-suffering relationships, and push for a great comeback. For the women who have forgotten how butterflies fluttered in their bellies the moment their men proposed to them, this is a season you should exhibit love without restrictions.
For spouses that are waiting for their religious leaders to intervene in their marital challenges, don’t forget you are simply in charge of your union. Your pastor remains a third party. Take the initiative to make up. Why can’t you two sit down in your bedroom, look into each other’s eyes, have an honest conversation in the spirit of the season, in humility, without ego, pride, arrogance and foul-mouthed speech? In no time things would begin to be sorted out. That is what the Lenten period and the Ramadan both about – renewal and reconciliation.
Some years ago, Mrs. Winnie Achowa, who is now a marriage counselor told a touching story about her marriage to her mentees. She said: “As a young couple, my husband and I had our issues and disagreements; we weren’t willing to budge and wore long faces for almost three months. On a certain day, it got so bad and we were about to go physical with raging anger in the tone of our voices; he actually dragged me close with his strength and pushed me on the bed, before I could put myself together, he had landed on me, over powered me and had his way half gone, I thought it was fighting to finish until I saw myself swinging in action. Hey! What had just happened? While trying to figure out where I was, I saw my underwear on the floor and imagined how possible sexual intercourse could take place in the midst of quarrel. The more I tried to figure out what happened, the more shock and surprises engulfed me. I saw my husband of 18-years grinning from ear to ear. Then he blurted out, ‘“No one has the monopoly of settling differences.” And that was the end of the brouhaha as we continued to live our lives together, joyfully.”
Dear Lovers, do not deny yourselves the great opportunity to bond as one. Sort out your issues lovingly, amicably, and happily. Make the Lenten period and Ramadan joyous, happy, reconciliation season. Express love because there is no gain in denial, frustration and bitterness. No one should use the happy season of repentance to destroy the ever beautiful love embedded by God in marital union. Do not forget that God is love.