Recently, 85-year-old Deacon Musa Bala Jumare and his 65-year-old heartthrob, Mrs Mata Asabar Musa celebrated the golden jubilee of their marriage, that is their 50th wedding anniversary in Kaduna. They shared their happy and sad moments of the marital union in this journey of togetherness when Saturday Sun’s SOLA OJO visited them in their Karatudun home in Gonin-Gora, Chikun Local Government area of Kaduna State.
Originally from Idon Anya town in Kajuru Local Government area of the state, they craved a greener pasture and thereby relocated to Rigasa, a more cosmopolitan community in the state capital where they lived, built their first house and raised their six children. But they lost the house and their valuables to the religious crisis in the state in 2000.
How did you meet your wife?
Deacon Musa: We are from the same village, Idon Anya in Kajuru Local Government area of Kaduna State. As a growing young man, I was not thinking of marriage until it was ripe for me to do so.
What were those soft words that made her fall in love with you and subsequently agreed to marry you?
Deacon Musa: I was older and more exposed than her. You know the village setting for lovebirds in our time used to be enveloped in shyness, especially on the part of the young girls who would want to do all it takes to protect themselves from the public glare when it comes to courtship. So, when I told her that I loved her and wanted to marry her, she could not reply to me directly because she was shy. She used to talk to me through her elder sister. That was how we kept on communicating until we concluded plans to get married. Her sister served as an intermediary within about four months of our courtship before we eventually said ‘I do’ at the First Baptist Church, Idon in 1973. That experience removed shyness from her eyes. I made it clear to her from the onset that I was not a playboy.
What were those words your husband told you that made you say yes to his proposal?
Mrs Mata: He told me that he wanted us to stay together as happy young man and woman. I did not get that point when he said it but much later, my elder sister broke it down for me and as God would have it, I accepted and other rites followed. So far, so good, we are moving.
What transpired between you and your husband that made it last up to four months before you walked alongside him to and from the altar?
Mrs Mata: I did not agree to his marriage proposal immediately because I had to seek God’s face before going ahead. That was because I have always wanted a godly marriage. I understood early in life that marriage is a long journey, at least by human calculation. So, one needs to carry God along in selecting a co-passenger to journey with on such a long journey.
Was there any opposition to your marriage proposal then?
Mrs Mata: My grandfather never wanted me to marry him initially. But after pleading with him, he accepted. We had to do that because I didn’t want to go into marriage with any of my family members on the opposing side though he did not tell us why and we could not ask him why. As far as we knew, we needed to win him to our side and that was what happened to the glory of God.
Deacon Musa: There was no opposition on my side. My both parents and my siblings were in total support of our union and they have played their role well for us to be where we are in this marriage 50 years after.
Since the past 50 years, has there been a misunderstanding and how have you been able to manage such, if any?
Deacon Musa: It is practically difficult if not impossible for people in a relationship not to have misunderstanding or argument over an issue, depending on how each party sees and responds to the issue. So, we have had several misunderstandings and quarrels. Most times, I’m culpable because of the way I talk to her. But I have one grace; I don’t delay in saying ‘I’m sorry’ when I know that I’ve not done well. I knew it is not good to keep something in mind for a long time. So, I try as much as possible to settle whatever misunderstanding we have in good time, put it behind us, and move on. This is how we have been all these years and we thank God.
Mrs Mata: Yes, on several occasions because it is not possible for people who are raised in a different environment to stay together without disagreeing. We use to have some disagreements but we don’t delay in sorting ourselves out as soon as possible. The terrain has been sloppy, straight, and long. But in all, God has been faithful all along.
Was she the only young girl you were attracted to then?
Deacon Musa: No. There were several of them around then. You see, it is like when you go to the market to buy clothes, there are usually several of them on display. You will then make your choice and leave the rest. That was what happened. I chose her among several others because she is the one that I wanted.
How about you, madam?
Mrs Mata: He was not the only admirable young man at Idon. All I can say is that marriage, in most cases, is predetermined by its originator, which is God. So, I will say I accepted him because he was the will of God for me.
Can you share your happiest moments since you got married 50 years ago?
Deacon Musa: She has never left me alone for her parents’ house. I have never stayed alone without her. Whether we have a good or bad time, we have been together. Some of my peer group who we married then and some that married after us have gone their separate ways while we are waxing stronger by the year. I’m eternally grateful to my maker. That is what is giving me joy.
Mrs Mata: My happiest moments were when my children become graduates because I could not get educated as their mother. Second was when they got married, especially my first daughter. We raised our children when Nigeria was peaceful and progressing. When things were normal and the sentiments we have around today were alien to us irrespective of our ethnic background and faith. I’m happy to have seen the good Nigeria.
Have there been sad moments?
Deacon Musa: The saddest and most confused moment in this marriage was in the year 2000 when they burnt my house in Rigasa. A bigger and better house than this one. On that sad day, my wife was having her bath when I heard “kill” kill” “kill” in a local language. I rushed to the bathroom where she was bathing and told her we must run for our lives now. She said okay but I should allow her to pick one or two things. I said no. That was how we ran in separate ways. My wife and other women and their children were together but I had to run faster because their primary targets were men. I ran through the river between Rigasa and Kabala West in Igabi Local Government Area. The people on the other side which is Kabala sighted me being pursued and shouting “run” “run” “run” “run” and that was how I fell in the river. These people came to my rescue and that was how my assailants retreated. My heart was beating fast as if it would jump out of my chest. Now on the other side, I sighted my wife, children, and other women and their children being surrounded by these evil people, hurling insults at them and threatening to kill them all. But in the middle of this confusion, God showed up in the form of a man for the salvation of these women and children. One old man among these evil people who could barely walk asked them to allow the women and their children to go because they were not the targets. At the end of the day, my wife and our six children were able to survive it though our house, and all we had were razed in that incident. During that crisis, the then-governor sacked us because we were unable to go to work. I was with the State Ministry of Information then. It was tough relying only on my wife tailoring efforts for survival. It was a bitter experience for me and since family is everything as we say, I’m happy we survived together.
Mrs Mata: My saddest moment was when one of my children was sick for about six months and eventually died in the process. That was in 1986. He started that sickness when he was four months old and died before he could mark his first birthday. I remembered how I was going to the General Hospital in Tudun Wada, Kaduna North LGA morning, afternoon, and sometimes midnight. This is in addition to what my husband has said about how we lost our house and other belongings, including our black and white portraits.
Do you have any advice for intending and young couples?
Deacon Musa: First thing first, and that is making God the centre of your home. More importantly is that the intending couples, especially the young men, must bear in mind that the step they are about to take is not for a few months or years. They should plan for a long journey, especially if God would grant them long life as he has granted us. Any contrary plan would be going against the will and plans of God for marriage and God will not overlook it. God has helped me to be a good example to my immediate and extended families. They listen to me first as the eldest brother who had a successful marriage and second as a father since we lost our father years back. Any serious young man will not be changing ladies-like clothes in his wardrobe, because such men usually end up in eternal regret if we eventually settle down with the wrong rib.
Mrs Mata: Patience is key. Our young women need to understand the fact that their husbands are raised in different social and economic backgrounds, which may inform their social and economic reasoning in their homes. They need to learn to compromise their positions on issues. They both need to come together to agree and disagree and then agree on what to do. This will help them to go far and be good examples of what marriage should be. They should plan better for marriage and not the wedding which in this age is just a one or two-day event.