Once again, it is the university admission season when senior secondary school students choose courses they want to study. Often, a lot of things play out between parents and their children over courses to study. A mild drama happened at a computer-based test (CBT) centre in Igando, Alimosho Local Government Area of Lagos State, during registration for the Universal Tertiary Matriculation Examination (UTME) conducted by the Joint Admissions and Matriculation Board (JAMB), when the father of a 16-year-old girl, Omowunmi Adekoye, insisted that she must choose Medicine and Surgery as course of study instead of Nursing – her preferred choice. Her father’s vehement insistence on Medicine & Surgery, left her in tears, but out of respect for her father she threw in the towel and did as he demanded. But looking at her tears that flowed freely, despite her best efforts to wipe the tears with the back of the palm, spoke volumes about the depth of her pain over the decision forced on her.
From what I witnessed, it was quite obvious that the teenage girl in her spirit, soul and body had rejected Medicine & Surgery outright, but as an obedient child, Omowunmi did as the father wished. Other parents who also witnessed the incident and shrugged their shoulders, but a few others called the father aside, disturbed by his harsh position. Mr. Adekoye explained that she wanted to have a doctor in the family, and since she was a good science student, she should study Medicine and Surgery, to boost the family’s social standing. After the results of the UTME were released by JAMB, Omowumni did not meet the cut-off mark for Medicine and Surgery but she qualified for Nursing at University of Benin. The father rejected the offer of Nursing and made her rewrite the exam the following year, determined that she must secure admission for Medicine and Surgery, at all cost. The poor girl fell into depression and the case deteriorated. She never recovered until she passed away. That was when the father regretted his actions and the wife left him over the draconian.
In countless cases, parents have been major stumbling block hindering their children’s success because of course choices forced on them. In an interview I had with renowned professor of Obstetrics and Gynaecology, Prof. Osato Giwa-Osagie, I asked him why he particularly chose to become a medical doctor instead of other professions. He said; “As a little sick boy, my parents took me to the hospital to see a doctor, I admired the doctors’ stethoscope which he hung on his neck, that stethoscope captured my interest and I moved to touch and play with it; there and then, I turned to my father and said to him I would be a medical doctor.” Yes, every parent would love to hear that especially in the golden age when medical doctors, lawyers and engineers were the star professionals, while the people in the fashion, entertainment and hotel businesses were seen as lesser beings.
Now, consider the extreme of the father of Oluchidiebube, who saw her passionately treating her customer to a pedicure session. He drove them away, threw away all her equipment for the service and asked: “Is this what you will do in life as an undergraduate, to pamper other people’s legs? As at the time, Oluchidi was a Banking/ Finance student but had strong passion for the beauty industry. She was a make-up artist, pedicure and manicure expert, who was also very good at tying scarves with special features. But one day, she was invited to Abuja by a certain First Lady, to package her for an important state function. From that day, when the father, an Anglican priest saw her flight ticket and learnt that accommodation had been reserved for her in a prestigious hotel, his respect for her vocation rocketed up. Today, she resides in Europe with her family, owns a brand of cosmetics. Interestingly, her father has visited her twice in Europe and they both visited America for summer holidays.
In the same vein, Chief Executive and Creative Director of Hallero Couture, Alero Idowu, told me how her parents had a public showdown on the Lagos-Ibadan expressway because of her decision to study Fashion Design. Alero’s interest was sparked by the glossy, foreign fashion magazines she used to flip through as a young girl. “When I expressed interest in fashion industry career, my father objected because he wanted me to be a lawyer. He had gone ahead and spoken to his big lawyer friends where I would do my pupillage after my graduation. My mother was in support of my choice. I wrote the two exams and gained the two admissions meritoriously from Yaba College of Technology to study Fashion Designing and University of Ife to study Law. Both schools were to resume in September but on different dates; Yaba resumed first, and my mother was taking me from Ibadan to Yaba to resume as a Year 1 student. We had already left the house when my father noticed the movement, he chased us as fast as he could in his car and caught up with us on the on Lagos-Ibadan Expressway, blocking our car with his own. While I was in the car crying, my parents had a hot verbal exchange. It took the intervention of other passers-by to calm them down. One old man came down from his car and told my daddy to allow me follow my instinct. Even after my registration and classes had commenced, my father still came to Yaba to drag me out from school. Later when he saw my zeal, hard work and the brand I built with passion, he knew it was no longer a child’s play. “When House of Hallero marked the 10th anniversary, my father was the chairman of the occasion. He told the story himself and charged parents to support their children’s dream because he saw a lot of positivity in my brand.”
Interestingly, with civilization, social media influx, gimmicks and growing up, I have heard recent parents tell their children, you can be anything in life, but you must get a university degree. One can come to terms with this instead of jumping on a child in life decision. Ngozi Echeruo’s parents were both university professors, so they had the juicy opportunity of enrolling their children into different departments of their choice. They compelled her to study Accounting instead of English Language, which she preferred. She graduated with Third Class in Accounting, and after 30 years has not found her feet in any industry. Her parents’ choice of course destabilized her whole life.
In as much as parents have their perception about success, it is very pertinent for them, as guardians, to ensure that their children are set up for successful careers, future financial security and good quality of life. As the children look up to their parents for advice, because they have a key role to play in the decision-making process regarding a career path, they should not impose career choices on them. They may provide broad information based on their own experience but leave the decision to the children as long as the choice of the children are not anti-society and irresponsible. While being a parent, support your child’s decision and give them the freedom and time to discover their skills while providing motivation to develop and achieve. Again, bearing in mind that decisions made in early life like the schools they chose to attend, the subjects they study, university/colleges they attend can impact on their lives and career path. If these decisions are swayed by parental preference, the child may end up following a vocation that they are not interested in. This is the exact reason so many young ones who are interested in today’s entertainment world especially in Nollywood would hurry go to school and then drop their certificate for their parents and pursue their dream. 21-years old Beninese-born Nigerian singer Oyinkasola Sarah Aderibigbe professionally known as Ayra Starr, Afro-Pop singer, song writer and fashion model in a YouTube interview recounted her own experience: “I wanted to be a teenage Afro-pop singer, but my mother refused and insisted I must get university education first, which I did at Les Cours Sonou University, Cotonou, Benin Republique, before focusing on my calling as a singer. The moment I was through with university education, I knew I had satisfied my mother and I took off to face my music career.”
There have been cases of many people wanting to be in a particular profession, but either interest, life, time, opportunity, marriage, influence or something somewhere would change that mindset and the fellow finds him or herself in another profession.
In all dear parents, be a support system and allow the children choose a career their path. Endeavour to find out the attraction and then provide informed guidance.