It was one of those momentous gatherings of relatives, friends and new contacts that took place without a particular celebration tied to it. And trust yours truly was opportune to have walked into the happening scenario of great minds, how the crowd gathered was almost a mystery and more than a re-union with far-fetched people who distance has taken toll on. Pleasantries were pleasantly thrown across each other as smiles, hugs and surprises followed amidst eating and drinking. The first unscheduled general topic everyone participated in was feasting on government of the day, before, Marcel Ejidike, who owns a private law firm started throwing jabs to his guys of many years ago. His first target was Peter James also known as Pee-Jay; how his mother drove his babe away then and the crowd teared up into wide laughter. An imagination just ran through my mind how and why men cannot have an honest gathering without including the female, their anatomy and sexual capabilities among other things.
Interestingly, as if there was a carefree sprinkle on a glowing splint, the forgotten experiences of yester-years mothers and their brazen boldness resurrected with facts. Most of those courageous mothers indirectly stopped what would have resulted into today’s side-chicks and side-children through strict and immediate response to unwarranted relationships. Strong mothers of yester-years were strong indeed and through to their words practically fought, while taming the romantic nature of their sons and daughters who were considered ‘young for the action’. As if, it was an avenue to let out a few home truth to the world; then Kingsley who recalled with nostalgia his mother’s attitude to his new girlfriend then. He said “Chika was my newly met girl who came to visit me on my invitation for the first time. I welcomed my August visitor and invited her to my scanty room which had a thick foam on the floor with my clothes hung on the wall hanger and my compulsory reading table were all I owned as a young undergrad. Chika and I sat on the foam, though not close as newly met lovers and the next, I did not know how my mother suspected a girl was with me; she bulldozed into my room without a knock and came straight to raise the foam where we sat and started looking for her bunch of matches under the foam. “I inquired “Mama, when was my room converted to a kitchen where matches could be searched and found; my mother kept screaming on top of her voice; raising the foam where we sat high with all her energy which raised our legs up too while searching for her matches. People of God, what do you think my mother was doing? She simply destroyed that romantic moment and finally embarrassed my guest out which was her main reason ab initio.” No one could hold the laughter.
Joachim was the next to share his experience with his mother. “Oh, I cannot forget my late mother in a hurry. She never wanted to see any girl around her only son. “Well, it was one Christmas eve, I ran into Deborah who was very ripe and I honestly meant to devour her immediately. After our meeting and first outing, I invited her over to the house and was so restless about her coming. I stretched intermittently to the entrance to catch a glimpse of her as she approaches the house. As soon as she arrived; my mother sighted her and called unto her co-wife to come help her pursue an unwanted guest. The co-wife and my mother fought my babe and she ran away from our compound till date. Between her friends and herself, they labeled me “Mummy’s boy till date out of that bitter experience.”
Honestly, Jefferey was just too overwhelming to speak up. He chose to express his experience with weak smiles and nodding of his head. But suddenly said; “My mother, don’t joke with my mother. As an Engineering student at the prestigious University of Lagos, Beatrice was the babe that caught my attention during the registration process as fresh students. One thing led to the other, we became close and I invited her over to the house during the holidays. As a young student, I was afraid to touch her because of her born-again believe. Guys, do you know what my mother did? My own mother washed her fresh pepper into a mortar, invited my girl in a serenade voice and I thought she was on the same page with me; next, she gave her pestle and asked Beatrice to pound the pepper until it is smooth; It was not just funny. Meanwhile, this is a woman who was a director in the ministry then, but subjected my girlfriend to pound pepper. Kindly, was it that my accomplished mother did not have a blender in her kitchen? She had a Bina-tone blender, but just wanted to end my relationship with Beatrice my girl and she achieved it. My girl was furious at me in school; was always in tears when she remembered how she came to visit a fellow undergraduate and his mother asked her to pound instead of blending.
One of my colleagues confessed that he sold rice after his secondary school education. One reminisces that long awaited period when Joint Admission and Matriculation Board (JAMB) holds students by the jugular before releasing the result and processes. To my mother, that empty idle period is tempting and could destroy both the boy and the girl. She therefore wore her thinking cap and devised a means to nip it at the bud. “My mother bought two wheel-barrows and poured half of a full jute-bag of rice and announced that it was for me to sell the rice the next day. barrow and guided me with some pep-talk on how to go about it and how much I was expected to return. I became a rice seller over-night and that was my duty until I gained admission into the university.
Going down memory lane, Emmanuel’s experience remains fresh after almost twenty-five years of encountering his mother’s wrath. He said, “Tina and I were lovers made against my mother’s wish. My mother never liked her because she is always around me. One of the days, I wanted Tina to pass the night with me at home and my mother became a stumbling block. I went to rent my guys and brought a pair of trouser for Tina; my reason was that I wanted the five pairs of leg to be matching together as if we are all boys, if Tina crosses my mother’s barricade, others can go and we go in for our business of the night. As we approached towards the house, my mother recognized a different leg and pounced on Tina, screaming loud in the night, ‘you will kill me today, kill me in my home; I was shocked and embarrassed. It took the intervention of other family members before my mother left Tina.
Patrick said “My own case is even the worst because I knew I played good boy all through my years in the university until my final year. In fact my father once asked me, “Son, I have not seen any babe around you, hope there is no problem? Honestly, I felt home with that question and thought it was an opportunity to let them into my world. So, I invited my babe from Enugu to Owerri where we lived because of my father’s job and mentioned to my parents that I would have a visitor soon. Nneka did not turn up until far late in the night with her night bag. My mother was a bit taken back and was cold to her because she wondered why she arrived so late. Well, we managed to exchange pleasantries, and as I made to carry her bag to my room, my parents voices chorused “Where are you carrying that bag to? My father said to me, “Son, you and your girlfriend will sleep at the police station this night because Nneka will not sleep in my house. I do not know and cannot account for her movement; she can find her way home in the morning. My mother insisted to speak with Nneka’s mum that night who started crying thinking her daughter was in school, not knowing she has gotten to Owerri from school. At the end of the drama, Nneka slept with Emma’s mum under heavy surveillance until the morning hours when she was asked to go. His father murmured, “You cannot begin to harbor women in my house by now.”
These and many more have become entertaining and laughable as well. Mothers of yester-years went about raising their children to the best of their knowledge and it prevented a lot of things and worked for them. Today’s mothers, please borrow a leaf, do the needful and curtail the side-chick and side child. At the end, all will smile including the side-chick who would have been embarrassed.