I had the following conversation with a potential suitor at one time. Let’s call him brother and me sister.
Brother: “When I marry, my wife must be a complete house wife. She is not allowed to work for anyone or do any business either. She has to be a stay at home wife, taking care of our home, children and myself.”
Sister: “What type of woman are you looking to marry?
Brother: “She must be educated, family oriented, have something doing and earning her own money. She should be a strong woman, very independent. Generally, she should be able to hold her own and be submissive too.”
Sister: “That is the type of woman you wish to marry and once she’s pronounced your wife all her dreams and ambitions shuts down. Why don’t you just go for exactly a house wife material, a woman with zero ambition and aspirations aside cooking, cleaning, raising your children and taking care of you alone?”
Brother: “Amaka, na wa for you o! I have taste. I want a woman with class, very educated. I want a woman that can hold it down even in my absence. I like women who hustle their own and don’t wait to be given money.”
Sister: “But you want an independent woman who works for her own money. You fancy the qualities that attract her to you, but your intention is to bring her home and quench her fire. What is the attraction for then?”
Brother: “The problem with you is that you always try to rationalize everything.”
I didn’t bother stretching the argument any further, because it was obvious that I was in a conversation with a clearly confused and irredeemable man. One who will not invest in a woman or allow her progress.
This brings me to a viral video of a woman whose husband tore her university and National Youth Service Corps (NYSC) certificates into shreds. He would rather she stayed home as a complete housewife than work. And in order to incapacitate her, he tore her certificate.
There are also many stories of women who are put under house arrest by their husbands who insist they stay home as house wives after going to the university to study good courses with hopes of earning money with their different degrees.
The funny and unbelievable aspect of this whole ‘stay at home wife’ thing is that most of these men never made their intentions known to these women while they were dating. Some of them merely played along till they got married before unfolding their ‘no work’ enforcement plan.
On the flip side, some men made their intention of no work or business known to their women before marriage but these women still went ahead with marriage plans believing they can make these men change their minds.
I shall continue to advocate and insist people sincerely and objectively discuss issues like this before settling down. Quit assuming and talk about these things, if possible have them written down as an agreement and signed. Love should never take the place of good, objective and sincere communication.
It is unfortunate how some men don’t seem to know exactly what they want and even if they do, most of them have clearly not been able to rationalize using logical reasoning to arrive at their conclusion.
No rational man wants his wife to stay at home except for the insecure and psychologically imbalanced men who want puppets or robots as wives so as to feed off their weaknesses.
If a man has no ulterior motive for insisting on marrying a working class lady and reducing her to a complete house wife, then he should be ready to prove it by placing her on a monthly salary till she turns 60.
The salary he pays her should be in relation to the amount she was earning before she agreed to marry him and gave up her job or business in the process. This salary or wages is subject to upward review every three or four years as it is obtainable in official settings.
Pension arrangements should also be made with a reputable insurance company where 5% of whatever she earns monthly is saved till she turns 60 so she becomes pensionable for life. This will enable her reach out to her parents and siblings whenever there’s need for it.
This arrangement will also take care of her own needs, her children’s and even contribute to the family’s upkeep without depending solely on her husband to even buy salt or sanitary towels. It also serves as her own security or back up should life decide to spring surprises at any time.
If your woman has given you reasons to doubt her faithfulness or you feel her job exposes her unnecessarily to different men, then it’s time you both reviewed her job and your relationship.
Instead of shouting on top of your voice and threatening her to choose between her job and your marriage, ask sincere questions, have a heart-to-heart talk.
Then you both can decide on the best solution which could be a change of job or business or separation, but do not completely insist she quits her job or shut down her business so that she can stay at home full time except you are ready to pay her to do that.