Already, 2025 has ticked off 19 days and it is not slowing down. So, people have to keep up with it. By now, every reasonable person ought to have drawn up a plan on how to run through this year successfully – whether you are a man, woman, single, married, young or old. A sense of responsibility and willingness to cooperate are vital to have a functional system for humanity to thrive.
Many have not known that one should not use another person’s clock to check his or her own time, to avoid problems that may come with doing so. This is what men and women need to know in as they manage their relationships. Using another person’s clock is the same as saying that all fingers and faces are the same and equal.
As I thought about this, I recalled the case of two women. The husband of one of them failed to understand that one man’s meat is another man’s poison. Engr. Patrick Ugegbe got attracted to his wife, Precious, for her simplicity and gentle nature. Both had lived in harmony in the last 10 years. Then a new couple, Mr and Mrs Edosa moved into the neighborhood. Mrs. Edosa was a known hyper-active socialite.
She confessed that in her secondary school days in Edo State, she was the social prefect. “I was the outgoing type, who would sing and dance during school competitions and I won awards as well. My father-in-law was once a guest during our school’s debating competition. He saw my oratory and was impressed. He made inquiries on behalf of his son. Later, he later reached out to my parents. Within a few years, his son and I got engaged and married soon after we both graduated from the university. It was a big celebration and within years of our union, there were major cracks. My husband complained about my socialite nature, saying I was always on the move, from singing rehearsal to dance practice. He said that something would always take me out of the house. It became a problem. We started drifting apart until a marriage counsellor intervened in our situation,” Mrs Edosa recounted.
She continue: “My husband was reminded that he was using another couple’s clock to check his time because couples should run their races differently and at their own pace. He was also reminded that his time might be 2:00 pm while the Ugegbe’s time could be 6:00pm. He also forgot that everybody grew up in different environments, had different experiences and upbringing. As if that was not enough, he was equally reminded that removing that natural gift that brought joy to me might not augur well for our relationship.”
That a neighbour’s wife who is gentle and calm does not make her a saint. Just like Mrs Edosa’s socially active life did not also make her a wayward lady.
The major issue was that Mr Edosa was using Ugegbe’s clock to check his own time. He did not know that the other family’s time was ticking for the two of them while his was ticking for him and his wife. He simply failed to pay attention to his own clock.
Now, there are many social media users who are using other people’s clocks to check their own time without knowing it. When they go deep down to discover the real nature of these admirers, they would realize that they are using another person’s clock to check their time. They had forgotten that social media is just a show glass. The users use it to position themselves, be strategic, market themselves because they want to meet a certain target. Social media is not the living standard in life. A story from the grapevine was once told that a Nigerian celebrity travelled to Europe to visit her brother in prison. The young boy went to prison because of drug related offences. When the Nigerian celebrity got to the prison, she cried her heart out seeing her brother in secluded confinement. The moment she came out from the prison premises, she cleaned up her tears and went to the beautiful eatery and began to take photographs in different positions and posted on her social media handles. Once, she was crying, the next minute she had cleaned and touched-up her face and started taking pictures and posting. This is the pure deception that comes with social media. That cry was for the content she was also creating likewise the picture she took and posted. Most ladies who post themselves on social media do not do it without packaging themselves properly. Their make-up and nice outfit must be on point for it to appear on social media; they will get the much-needed followers and Google will pay. People who do not know the reason for such might think they are more accomplished.
It is right to create awareness where most people will no longer hang their bags where their hands cannot reach. That should not be the formular for the year. People who unknowingly engage in competitions, who want to wear and use the latest of what they should use in their later age should know they are using another person’s clock to check their own time. Once one starts to think of ostentatious lifestyle, they become pressurized. When one is pressurized, anything can happen. For the men, it could lead to wrong lifestyle, all manner of crime and crime-related offences. For the women, the first is to live a life of debasement to get whatever they want. This should not be the formular for 2025. Life must be lived responsibly, one day at a time.
People who lack appreciation for themselves and others are using other people’s clock to check their time because that should not be the formular for the year. Be appreciative and apologetic with your family, friends, colleagues and neighbours at every giving opportunity because one does not know what tomorrow will bring.
In the same vein, women who grumble that their husbands do not take care of them should not use other people’s clocks to check their own. Have you carefully checked your husband’s honest expenses? A husband who is building a family house and paying responsible bills needs his woman’s support. Women should also know that that there is a time to sow and reap in a relationship. Though, no one is canvassing for demeaning looks and hunger while raising the family, a responsible woman should reduce her fashion sense and help her husband to build a home. Using another couple’s clock to check their time is uncalled for. That support might be for his empowered woman to be responsible for feeding the home and taking care of minor expenses which is not out of place where there is understanding.
Then again people who lack appreciation for others might also be checking the wrong time. If one can complain about her spouse’s poor behaviour, he or she should also appreciate when a good deed is done. No one is completely written off.
For the women who want to arrive at the centre by all means without knowing whose ox is gored should also know the formular for themselves. On a certain day, I was going to Yaba through Ojuelegba and boarded the long coaster bus that was conveying passengers to Yaba. A middle-aged woman boarded with a beautiful Dolce $ Gabbana black bag, which she hung on her shoulder. After a little time, a much younger lady who looked like a student also hopped in. She looked inside the bus and saw a free comfortable seat and her eyes caught sight of the bag, and she said: “Ma, I like your bag.” The woman looked at her and said, “This is my 60th birthday gift from my friends during the celebration.” The woman in her matronly nature began to admonish the girl: “My daughter, at your age, you should not fall in love with a handbag that is worth more than your school fees. Your attention should be more on your education. I hold a Master’s degree in Economics and retired from a federal ministry. I have been married for 39 years and have children and grandchildren. When I am seen with such a quality and expensive handbag, I am qualified to carry it. You are not qualified now to carry such a handbag except your mum or big sisters give you.
Dear all, please let us avoid checking our time with another person’s clock. We can all be on our various lanes, run our race and be focused. Do what you can and live the rest for God. Let us also set boundaries, be forthright – let your ‘yes’ be yes, and your ‘no’ be a clear no. People do not want what you give them, but what you have. May God see us through in this journey.