It usually becomes very unhealthy and unfriendly when one is being ridiculed with his or her weakness. There is no fellow that likes such, no matter the situation. In a situation where men and women live in the society with various challenges; different encounters, how would one be perceived when his or her duty is to aggravate others’ bitterness, pains and sorrow, reminding them of their low moments, troubles, and inarticulacy? At such times, the offender might not necessarily know the pains he or she is inflicting onto the other fellow.
This quickly reminds me of my first visit to Orile, Iganmu years ago as a holiday maker. We had arrived at No 4 Fashade close, Oregun, Ikeja to spend holiday with my maternal relatives and my father had instructed we visit his younger sister and family to keep tabs on our wellbeing.
On this Saturday morning in August, our aunty drove us to Orile, a poorly habited area with a popular landmark ‘Rex Hotel’. The hotel served as the landmark to almost all the residents at Orile Iganmu. I heard my aunties discuss over the telephone that once ‘Rex Hotel’ is located, one is home. We perused into the busy streets with many hawkers until we were able to locate our destination. The family lived in a decent two-bedroom home, though in a poor neighborhood. As we came down and made it to the door, it was all pleasantries and merriment. In the midst of that warm reception and merry-making, a voice was heard from the other side of the compound…’My soldiers, my soldiers.’ Intermittently, that voice came stronger my soldiers, my soldiers. Out of curiosity and naivety, I pushed the door-blind to actually catch a glimpse of the whole soldiers. It was Mrs. Peggy Peters, according to my aunty, who would purposely hurt and harass her opposite flat neighbour, Mrs Nsikak, whose blessings in childbirth rests strong on femininity.
Peters basks in the euphoria with her four boys who her level of understanding would trample upon her opponent’s feminine family with intimidating physical strength when jungle matures. She was far from the biblical story of David and Goliath, but ephemerally felt her boys were the ‘Ugandan giants’ and, therefore, chose to address them as soldiers to the mockery, hearing, harassment and hurting of the Nsikak family who could not showcase their own soldiers. It became intimidating and a sign of weakness for the Nsikak family as Peters continued in her disdain.
On a certain day, Nsikak’s second daughter, Eka, was forced to ask her mother: “When will you have your own soldiers?” Poor girl if only she knew the message, she was passing unto her mother. Both women have earlier engaged themselves in very unfriendly squabbles and said unprintable things between themselves. The fallout from that disagreement was the brand-new name adopted for her sons ‘my soldiers, my soldiers.’
In the same vein, is it not ridiculously annoying when people see others and complain about their weight gain or loss? How is that one’s business? Does anyone know how the victim feels with such outburst that is uncalled for? Only if they know the effort the victims are making to either add, reduce or say the least, to stay in between the weight. Mrs Ngozi Sunday was a slender lady before marriage and child birth turned her into a plus-sized woman. Her husband’s constant harassment on ‘get a weight loss plan, visit a dietician, do something about your weight was giving her a nightmare. It became a recurring decimal in their union and was almost drifting them apart. For once, her husband of six-years finds her weight gain very irritating, it took the intervention of a medical doctor and psychologist to get Mr Sunday understand that gaining weight is part of a woman’s life as she progresses in motherhood and middle age-spread; even though she can do portion control to reduce her weight.
Now, to think that plus-sized young Yadera Nzimako in an interview told how she was constantly harassed by her father and they were always falling out because of weight control. “Knowing how hard I fought the weigh battle, my dad felt food was part of the reason for my excessive weight, then he talks to me without caution when he sees me eating. It got so bad, one evening the family gathered for dinner, as I made towards the dining table, my dad asked me ‘are you still eating.’ I left the dining table in bitter tears. Must my father constantly remind me that I am fat? To me, it was no longer correction, but a bit of mockery on my low moment.”
Those individuals who address chubby babies as ‘orobo’ (a funny name meant for fat people) are stylishly abusive. I had a chubby daughter who took after me as a child. The first day, I had someone call her orobo in church, I cautioned the woman immediately and taught my daughter to speak up for herself. “If anyone should call you orobo, tell the person “I am not orobo, but a healthy child.” That intervention stood until she grew above that chubby stage of life.
In the same vein, life was snuffed out of Ezekiel Dada (25) at Olodi Apapa when his victim Jamiu Adeyeye (24) attacked him with an axe. Ezekiel was fond of body shaming Jamiu who is naturally slow in speeches and continuously called him ‘crawling snail’ in Yoruba local parlance. Jamiu had warned Ezekiel severally, but that day, anger and pain took a different dimension as Jamiu went after an axe and got him down. Even neighbours confirmed that Ezekiel had been warned several times to stop mocking Jamiu.
Now, it is wrong and condemnable in all ramifications when one probably addresses people’s personal weakness according to their own interpretation making it to look ridicule. Women who are believing God for the fruit of the womb or for a particular sex seems to be the worst hit with mockery knowingly and unknowingly. Of what use is the reason people ask newly weds when and how to go about child birth, without knowing the pains they go through silently? Mrs Joesphine Bagshaw cried out her heart when her mother-in-law accused her of being the reason for their delayed conception and childbirth? They were just settling down in marriage after two years, and the young wife who looked forward to an easy conception because of the young ages is almost getting devastated. She became so worried that her fellow co-wives had all given birth in their first-two years of marriage; except her. According to the calendar of rumour mongers, two years had gone and there was no sign of pregnancy. As a riverine woman, she had gone home to seek for traditional attention because she was personally disturbed. Her first embarrassment came from her mother-in-law who said to her? Is my son living with a man? Young wife broke down uncontrollably. Meanwhile her mother-in-law does not know the sleepless nights and the efforts the young wife had gone through in the last two years; even though she is home to seek for traditional aids, yet, she is being derided for the same weakness.
Mr and Mrs Ogaranya have been married for the past 24 years without a child. Providence allowed them to adopt a two-year-old baby boy named Promise. As the baby took ill, father and mother took him to a nearby health centre. As the nurse was about to attend to them, she knew they could not be the biological parents to a two-year-old. Her first question was are you his parents because I need to know his history not knowing she is gradually ridiculing them. Meanwhile she does not know what they went through all their marital years to have gotten Promise, their son.
“We, mothers were the official language of Mummy Toyosi in the market as she is blessed with a child, while her market neighbour is still believing. As she sights her neighbour arranges her wares in the market, she will start telling stories of where mothers gathered either in school, church or at an event. We mothers danced alongside our children during their end of school party.”
That a fresh graduate combs the street of the cities in search of white collar-jobs; yet someone sees him or her with that unnecessary question ‘are you still looking for job? Meanwhile this is a fellow who has gone under the scorching sun or downpour in search of greener pastures.
Talking to matured individuals with carelessness, or out of mind hunts others who do not have great minds. Should a man or lady who is expecting a better-half be reminded of his or her late marriage status? When relatives start asking when they should expect a suitor, it is uncalled for.
Dear people of God, let us be guided accordingly. Let us also know that other people go about with various challenges and low moments; carelessness could provoke them the more as no one is an exception and that is the reason we should know that all fingers are not equal.