When death occurs, especially the demise of the head of a household, it can be very unnerving and unsettling, turning the world of the bereaved immediate family upside down. You can well imagine the level of destabization that the family that lost its breadwinner will experience if it is unfortunately set upon by kinsmen of the late husband and father.
This was just what happened Mrs. Julie Ekong and her children within days after the burial of Udofia Ekong, her husband. One certain morning, minutes after she stepped into her room, after taking a bath, she heard loud voices outside the gate as a crowd of the husband’s kinsmen was banging on it, creating a scene and generally constituting a nuisance in the neighbourhood.
Mrs. Julie Ekong peeped through the window as the unruly visitors barged into the compound and headed straight into the sitting room. As if acting out a rehearsed script, the men began hauling out household items out into the open – furniture, bed and beddings, cooking utencils, freezer, among others. Mrs. Ekong was shocked as the young children looked on, quite unable to comprehend what was happening. She identified her brother-in-law, Otuu and asked what was amiss. He retorted, “You killed our brother to acquire all his estate. Today is the last day you will live in this house.”
Just like that, she lost the property she had jointly laboured with her husband to build, to his family. With the able support of close friends, she was able to find alternative suitsble accommodation. Once she was settled in the new place, Julie began an uphill fight in the court to reclaim the assets. It was no mean fight; it left her psychologically and financially drained as the matter was affected by several factors.
The unsavory experience of Mrs. Ekong exemplifies a problem very common in the Nigerian and African settings. Most men simply fail to address the very vital need to prepare their wives and children and arm them with a Will, which is the legal authority and instrument they need to take charge of their estate (movable and immovable property), investments, bank accounts and other assets in the unfortunate event of their sudden demise. Doing this would prevent squabbles between their widows/children and the wicked, greedy, covetous siblings or kinsmen of the deceased man.
The big question that every married man or woman should address today is this: how prepared are you as a man of means or even a woman? What level of preparation and protection have you put in place for your family while you are still alive, to shield them from ravenous siblings/kinsmen in case death comes knocking? As a man, have you taken steps to protect your nuclear family from the inordinate scramble for your assets by hawks and wolves who pass themselves off as your family members? Where is the place of your wife and children in the event of your demise? Should they be driven out onto the streets by wicked family members and your properties taken over by them? It is very important to know that those so-called siblings of yours may not take care of your widow and children.
When you are still alive, your siblings may lead you to wrongly believe that they are very nice, helpful and caring towards your family, but the moment you are no more available to protect them, the same siblings can turn into their worst nightmare. Hip-pop artiste, Harry Man, aptly captured the situation in his popular song: “When the going is good, many people will be your friend. But when it is bad, they will disappear.”
The way widows are easily dispossessed of their late husband’s assets has been extensively depicted in many Nollywood movies. Those movies should ordinarily teach serious lessons. But are men learning the necessary lessons? Are they taking the necessary steps, like sitting down with a lawyer to draw, up a will? Or going to their various banks to include their wives as next of kin and also sign a POD form, which will entitle the wife to sign for the money in the account? You may ask, what is a POD form? The acronym simply means ‘Pay On Death’. It is an authority which a bank customer gives to the bank to pay the balance in the specified account to the person whose name, picture and signature are set forth in the POD form. Even if the wife is listed as next of kin in the bank records, without the POD form or a copy of the late husband’s will, the legal wife cannot claim the money. She has to go through the rigorous process of the Probate Court which can take years to conclude.
Ask the average man, he may not even know about this. And that partly explains why they are not putting their house in order, while they are still hale and hearty. The sudden death syndrome is getting worse. Anybody could go to bed after the day’s activities and from there, without any previous sign, join the saints in the great beyond. Men, especially those who are secretly polygamous, make their known wives and children the worst victims of the fight over assets, where they failed to have written a will.
Who wouldn’t be proud of 54-year-old Gabriel Eriogho, a businessman who took steps to protect his immediate family. When Gabbie, as he was fondly called, was diagnosed of prostate cancer which required urgent surgery because it was almost at the last stage. In fact, he had a 50-50 chance of survival. Even Gabbie was afraid he might not make it and therefore thought of what would happen to his young family if he died.
Recalling the agony of that days, he said: “I was in a state of confusion and did not know what to do. I looked at life from various angles and dimensions and chose to secure my family first. As a successful businessman, I had built some houses and had good financial standing. Four days before the surgery, I presented detailed documents to my pretty wife, Alexa, a fashion designer. I took her round and introduced her to all my bankers, business associates and workers as my next of kin. With the guidance of my lawyer, I prepared my will, in case I not did not survive the surgery.”
Fortunately,, Gabbie survived the surgery, to the amazement of many. When he came out of the theatre, Alexa was beside her with joy, almost un-controllable as she cried joy and blessed her husband, describing their marriage as love till eternity. In her speech on the day of thanksgiving in church, she encouraged other men to emulate her husband and protect their wives and children.
To show the importance of making a will, consider the case of late British Monarch, Queen Elizabeth II who gave her great granddaughter, Princess Charlotte, a diamond horseshoe broach which has been in the Royal family for nearly a century. The eight-year-old princess wore the broach for the first time to the funeral of her great-grand-mother, and it emerged that the small diamond horseshoe broach first belonged to Queen Elizabeth’s mother, Queen Elizabeth, the Queen mother. The Queen mother was first photographed wearing the equestrian pin in 1929 and then passed it down to her horse-loving eldest daughter, Queen Elizabeth II, who also passed the diamond broach to Princess Charlotte, her great-grand daughter. The late monarch had the right to will the broach to her own daughters, daughters-in-law, even her grand daughter-in-law, yet she chose to will the treasured precious piece Princess Charlotte, who was just seven years old at the time.
Extremely important to know that wills are not written to scare away extended family members only. Written wills prevent contests between siblings and step-siblings over their father’s properties. The only way such could be eliminated is through a documented detailed will. Till date, the children of one of the foremost senior advocates produced by Nigeria are still in court fighting over his respected law firm. There have been interventions by notable men, friends of their father and close relatives, yet the me matter has remained unresolved. If their late father had left a will, there would not be a legal tussle as it is today. On the other hand, another legal luminary, Chief Gani Fawehinmi, carefully shared shared his assets among his family members, friends, staff and others, the way he wanted. He left his will in three different law firms in case there seemed to be a cinch somewhere. Since his death till date, there has been no rancour within his immediate and extended family. Everywhere is calm and peaceful just the way he wanted. He made life easy for them while he rests in peace. Kudos to the great wisdom of a learned man, though in the grave but achieved peace.
Though this piece has been focused on men because the sudden death of husbands often opens the wives to contests over their assets, there is clear and present need for wives to equally write wills to protect their husbands and children from overzealous siblings, who may want to contest with their husbands over their assets in the event of sudden death.
Dear Men writing a will does not mean you are planning to die soon, rather the purpose to awaken your consciousness to this need. And nudge you to answer this question: how do you want your family to be when you are no more? Would you like your children to be thrown out of school, greedy siblings seize your assets and dispossess your family, forcefully marry your wife while your nieces and nephews usurp your sweat through their own parents? A word is enough for the wise. Do something now, get a lawyer to write your will today. Not tomorrow, because it may be too far.