Kate Halim
Raising children is most certainly meant to be a two-person job. Unfortunately, circumstances such as death, divorce, and other unforeseen situations can often leave a mom struggling to juggle the responsibilities of child rearing alone or trying to navigate trickily and treacherous waters of co-parenting from separate households.
Motherhood is hard for a woman who has a supportive partner or spouse but single motherhood is a whole different game. Below are some struggles only single moms can relate with.
Motherhood can be extremely isolating, but single motherhood gives way to a form of isolation that many fail to take into consideration. Going from having another person around to share the physical and emotional load of parenting to being completely alone can be an isolating experience.
Co-parenting is all sunshine and rainbows, but trying to parent from two separate households is no easy feat – especially when there may be bad blood between you and your ex.
The mental load of motherhood is tremendous, however, managing the load as a single parent can leave you feeling as though you are being crushed beneath the weight of all that you are responsible for.
Mom guilt affects almost all mothers, but it doubles when you are trying fill the role of both parents especially if your child or children are too young to understand why they don’t have a father like other children at school.
Being a single mom often means increased workload, less breaks, and little rest. To mother small children means you are exhausted 95 percent of the time, but parenting alone takes that fatigue to new levels.
Many people continue to make swift judgments and display flippant attitudes towards single mothers. Even worse, some even treat your children differently because of your marital status. Sadly, the places where the most mistreatment occurs are typically ones you would assume to be safe havens — like churches and family gatherings.
Single parenting also means relying on one income. Children are expensive to take care of and trying to foot the bill alone means things may be tight for a little while.
Trying to manage dating as a single parent is not easy. You are tasked with managing school schedules, extracurricular stuff, coordinating pick up and drop off times with your co-parent and now you have to take an additional person’s schedule into account as well.
As a single mom, you are likely on duty around the clock. From working long hours to provide for your children to their daily care, it is not easy. This leaves little time for personal projects, hobbies, and just plain old downtime. Finding me time as a single mother is very hard.
There comes a time in every single mom’s life where she has to explain to her child why mommy and daddy don’t live together or even worse, why daddy may not be around at all. Being honest with your child while also shielding them from adult situations is a delicate dance many single moms dread.
Life lessons some fathers fail to teach their children
There are some lessons in life that can’t necessarily be taught through spoken word. Fathers just have to learn what the right ways to teach their children the right values.
If fathers can try to get their children to understand some concepts from a young age, and let them learn from small, inconsequential mistakes when they are just children, they can keep them from learning those lessons through making huge, life-changing adult mistakes.
Here are life lessons some fathers fail to teach their children but should definitely teach them:
One of the lessons fathers should teach their children is that hard work doesn’t always pay off as hoped. It is good to encourage children to work hard, but hard work doesn’t always pay off the way one hoped it would.
Life is rarely formulaic. Sometimes, you will work your butt off, face immense setbacks, and still have to find it in you to keep working, just having faith that you will make it one day. And it may take five times as long as you would have hoped.
It’s important for children to know this, so they don’t quit when they fail at something they love or quit a job when they get passed up for a promotion. They should know that their hard work will pay off in the end but not in ways they expect.
Fathers should teach their children that the right thing is almost always the hardest thing to do. So many people spend their whole lives just pursuing the path of least resistance, never understanding why they don’t quite feel good about themselves.
Fathers, everything your children will want in life are something a million other children not only want, but are also actively pursuing. And some may be more qualified. Some may be less qualified, but know the right people. People are never entitled to anything, no matter how right we think we are for the opportunity.
Since children aren’t entitled to anything, they should be grateful for everything that comes their way. They should know that they didn’t get it because they were entitled to it. So many things beyond their control could have changed so they don’t the things they desire to have. Gratitude is always the way to go. Fathers should teach their children to be grateful for the things they have.
Fathers should actively find ways to encourage their children to save money rather than blowing their allowance on clothes and movies. Of the many financial lessons to teach children, this is a big one. It helps children become prudent adults.
Fathers should teach their children not to act out of anger. Teach them at a young age to just count to ten when they are feeling angry. If you don’t teach them that young, then smashing their sibling’s toys at age ten becomes punching a person at age 30.
Tell your children to embrace the pain that comes with that first heartbreak, or losing that first job, or making a best friend mad. Those pains are signs that it’s time to reflect on what they learned. Feeling good again is only on the other side of digesting that pain, and reflecting.
Fathers have to teach their children to forgive people—even people that don’t apologize, simply because holding onto anger isn’t good for them. Also, there will be times in life they will be the ones who need forgiveness.