Kate Halim
Fathers are known to be hyper-vigilant when it comes to protecting their daughters. However, if fathers are still checking their daughter’s hymen to confirm if they are still virgins, and see nothing wrong with their actions, then that is control not love.
Here are some ways some dads attempt to control their daughters in the name of protection.
Prohibiting male friendship
While it may seem like a dad who says, “No male friends” is trying to protect his daughter, his actions are often more deeply rooted in control than they are of protection. His decision to bar his daughter from forming friendships with boys is not guaranteed to keep her safe.
In fact, it can teach her to fear the male gender, which can lead to unhealthy relationships, both platonic and romantic, in the future.
Fathers should monitor their children’s relationships with all people to ensure that they don’t take a turn down unhealthy paths. Boys are not the only ones who pose a potential threat to daughters.
Enforcement of rigid dress codes
When a father is hell-bent on enforcing rigid and unreasonable dress codes for his daughter, his lips say that he’s protecting her from the judgment of others and of course, the attention of boys. In reality, he’s teaching his daughter that she has limited bodily autonomy and that she is responsible for regulating the male gaze. Both messages are equally harmful.
Acting as guardian to her virginity
Most parents would not be thrilled by the thought of their daughters having sex. Adolescents are often ill-prepared for the responsibilities and repercussions that come with being sexually active; however, at the end of the day, it’s not the choice of parents to make.
A controlling father will often go to obsessive lengths including hymen checks to guard his daughter’s virginity, ironically, this usually happens while he simultaneously allows his sons run wild.
While he claims that he’s only trying to protect her from teen pregnancy, he’s also trying to dictate what she does with her body. This almost never works because anal sex is available for these girls.
Using undesirability as a threat
Some fathers will use desirability or a lack thereof as a means of keeping their daughters in line. This often sounds like “No man will want you if you do x, y, z” or “No one will marry if you…” And of course, he expects that she will take his word as law. He’s a man, so of course he’s an expert on what all men walking the earth want in a woman.
Setting unreasonable dating rules
Some dads jokingly tell their daughters that they are not permitted to date until they are thirty, but there are some who actually go to extreme lengths to keep their daughters from entering into romantic relationships. They believe that they are sparing her heartache and pain, but they are really just being controlling.
Discouraging her interests or extracurricular activities
A controlling father wants to keep his daughter under his thumbs, so he will often discourage her interests if they don’t align with his agenda or the vision that he has for her life. Although fathers should certainly act as a guide to their daughters, part of parenting is also stepping back and recognizing that your child is an individual with their own wants and desires.