In the past it used to be that when a man of marriage age was not living up to expectations in some ways, the parents would begin to overtly nudge him to settle down. It was then generally believed that having a wife would help him shape up. In several instances, the strategy worked as the responsibility of being a husband somehow had a positive impact, especially with the man’s parents giving able support and helpful advice to his wife.
Notwithstanding the good intention of the family of the man, this question needs to be addressed: why should a young girl be betrothed to a badly behaved son, to ‘nurse’ and ‘pamper’ him? Women are entitled to a quality life and should enjoy what marriage offers.
Often, we hear people say that a lady is not a wife material. That is why it is not common practice for a lady who is not measuring up to be compensated with a worthy man. In the same manner, if a lady is perceived as not being ‘wife material’ it is natural to also ask if a man that is being pushed by his parents into marriage is worthy to be a husband?
Who is that parent that would raise a daughter to be a slave and have bad experience in marriage to an unworthy man that has not been groomed for matrimony? Men who make a sing song of their desire to marry a “wonderful woman” I want to ask them: how wonderful are you? If you as a a man say you want a well-educated lady for a wife, are you also highly educated?
Back in the 90s, it was very fashionable for Nigerian men in the United States to come home to marry female health professionals, whether they were doctors, pharmacists, nurses and others, with the intent of benefiting from the high income such marital partners would earn in the US. Even some of such men who had no attractive economic profile were all interested in ladies with professional background in the healthcare field.
Of course, it is not exactly wrong to have a tall ambition, but the vital question is: Mister Man, what is your own profession? Why don’t you enrol and study a course in the healthcare field yourself and earn the money you so much want your wife to make? When male medical doctors push to marry female doctors, they are well qualified, given that such men have earned the right to play at that level. It is nauseating to see men who are not at par, in terms of conduct, character and economic attractiveness wanting to marry ladies above their station just because they believe that marrying a lady is doing her a “favour” as if there is a scarcity of marriageable men. Imagine such cheekiness!
It is such men who are not properly equipped for marital responsibilities and over-pampered by their mothers and sisters that expect to be waited on, hand and foot by their wives. Hey man, your wife is not your mother, get it? In this modern time, collaboration is the word. Marriage is a partnership between a husband and a wife. Simplicita. There are distinct roles for both partners, to make the relationship work, fruitful, peaceful, productive, enduring, romantic, lovely and blessed. Issues only develop in marital relationships when responsibilities are not being fulfilled by either of the spouses. That a man has a functional staff of office, which is also a dangling modifier of a woman’s shape (apologies to Funke Egbemode, seasoned mentor of female editors), is not enough reason to marry. A man that wants to marry must be worthy and able to discharge the real responsibilities of husbandship.
Take note of this fact: no wife who wants to be treated like a mother. She has a legal responsibility to carry, and so doing show herself to be a worthy wife, in line with the intention of God, who said that a wife is to be a “help meet for” the husband.” One that is compatible with him, complements and helps him achieve Godly purpose. Like on the piano, he is free to play the keys on her body in a harmonious manner to make good, enrapturing music. Therefore, a baby-boy, a mommy’s boy who is still being breastfed by the mother even in marriage certainly lacks the capacity to fit into the multiple roles of a husband, or even understand the roles of the wife. So, his first primary responsibility is to recognise the role of the wife in his life and his role in her own life. It is a two-way traffic.
A man who wants to be a husband should never be lazy, no matter how wealthy his family background looks like. No lazy man makes a good home, no matter how good looking or sexy he is, even if he is a stallion in the Other Room. A man must be worthy to be a husband. Without determination, hard work and a sense of responsibility, to protect and provide for the family, a man cannot be considered to be worthy to be a husband.
I remember the First Lady of Ekiti State, Erelu Bisi Fayemi, who was asked in an interview what she found attractive about Dr. Kayode Fayemi, the incumbent state governor, and she said: “My husband and I met as classmates during our MBA (Master of Business Administration) programme. He said I was one of the brightest in that class and that corresponded with my own thinking about him being one of the brightest in the same class too.
In essence, the young Kayode showed the young Bisi that he was worthy to become her husband. He was not a lazy, dubious and fraudulent sweet talker. We have seen instances of smooth-talking men with lying tongues who hoodwink ladies. This piece today is targeted at such men like a guided missile. Men who unrepentantly cheat on their wives are not worthy to be husbands. They need to change, to enjoy their unions and raise worthy families. What are you ready to give in exchange for what you want? Everyone wants the best. Are you also willing to give the best?
…The other unworthy situations
Get this straight: it is not only in marriage that people should put their best foot forward. If you want to join a particular organization, it is expected that you show your best plumage, you put forward your best. No organisation would want to employ a member of staff who when he or she gets into leadership position becomes an unruly person that would not conform with traditional and global best practices such organisation had for long subscribed to and for which it was known. Such staff member in some sense can damage the organisation’s reputation.
Reputation is a highly valued, off-balance sheet asset of any organisation. That is why Donald Trump registered his name as a copyright trade mark. But unfortunately, when he got into office, he began to do things that were contrary to the long established conventions of the United States Presidency, such as using the office to enrich his private business in millions of dollars even though he purportedly gave up taking the salary usually paid to the US President. For his improper conduct, he was impeached twice – the first US president to have suffered such ignominy. He made spirited efforts to subvert the outcome of the 2020 presidential election in the quest to remain in office against the will of the people.
Not conceding after losing an election, has long been witnessed in various African nations. But in 2015, then President Goodluck Jonathan showed that he was cut from a different cloth, when he promptly conceded after losing the presidential election. For that act of good political sportsmanship, President Muhammadu Buhari has been according him due respect and received him on a number of occasions at Aso Rock, the presidential mansion. Not only that, President Buhari has on occasions requested him to act as his Special Peace Envoy to some ECOWAS nations besieged by crisis. Can President Joe Biden send Donald Trump as a US Special Envoy? But he would gladly and respectfully send either former President George W Bush or Barrack Obama.
Back home in Nigeria, it was from the Anambra State Government House, with Governor Chukwuma Soludo as his host, that Labour Party Presidential Candidate Peter Obi declared his ambition to contest for the Nigerian presidency. If he had not shown himself to be a good governor while in office, he probably would not have been accorded such privilege.
When parents send their children and wards to school, they are not sent to go and play and come back with poor results. They are expected to excel both in character, conduct and academics. When they do so, of course they earn the right make extra demand from their parents. No parent will glorify failure of his child.
Teachers who abandon school responsibilities to focus on their private businesses deserve no praise. , Medical doctors in public hospitals who refer patients to their private hospitals, charge them exorbitantly, are unworthy public servants. The list is endless.