Permit me to use the passage of a man I called Uncle Dons to draw attention to a vanishing Igbo virtue. The gradual death of this virtue is aided by the twin challenges of modernity, shrinking income levels, and the climate of insecurity that breeds fear and distrust in the hearts of everyone. This virtue is the spirit of service to neighbour, otherwise identified by the Igbo as onye aghana nwanneya.
Uncle Dons died last month September in far away United States. I imagine he would be in his early seventies. He was not an uncle in the real sense but a solid in-law in every sense. Uncle Dons married a vivacious beauty from my village whom we youngsters saluted from her youth as Auntie Uche.
Uncle Dons death evoked emotions in my family because of the bond that we shared when I grew up and married. My emotions eventually led me to this reflection on what his life represented at the community level and how this is at the heart of what makes the Igbo a community of survivalists, able to withstand the worst jabs that Nigeria repeatedly throws at it.
And no, this spirit is not the world acclaimed Igbo apprenticeship system known as igba boyi. It is something more fundamental the threatening loss of which is causing distress to people of my generation who leveraged it for success in life.
The Igbo are in crisis today partly because its people are losing the spirit of onye aghana nwanneya.
This spirit has aided my journey of life, especially through three prominent “uncles” of which Dons is one. I doubt that there is anyone in their 40s and above who has not encountered this spirit of accommodation that the passing generation of aged uncles intentionally, sacrificially and selflessly promoted.
It goes without saying that whenever you find a man that exemplifies this spirit, it is only because there is an angel of a wife stoically and cheerfully managing the family inconvenience.
In my hometown, most people knew late Chief Donald Igbokwe by his sobriquet, Dons (pronounced Dones). A very successful businessman, he was one of the most prominent electronics merchants in Benin City, Edo State. The first time I encountered him from afar was when he came to my village to pick his heartthrob, easily the most beautiful and very outgoing damsel loved by everyone in my village. We, the children of the village, were intrigued enough to want to see the kind of man that our queen, Auntie Uche, agreed to marry. Let’s just say that I was not disappointed when I beheld a tall, chocolate black, very handsome specimen with a winning smile that threatened to surpass the one we had come to associate with our auntie. As young as I was, I told myself that this must be a match made in heaven – as indeed it turned out to be.
But this is not the story of what is happening to Igbo land today. The real gist can be captured in my two most memorable encounters with the man whose good works earned him the title of everyone’s Uncle in our community.
Sometime in mid 1985, Dons was arrested and taken to court for goods that was alleged to have been stolen by armed robbers. I’m not so sure now but I think he was either charged for armed robbery or for receiving stolen goods. Whatever it was, he was refused bail.
The story that I heard was that policemen on highway duties intercepted one of his trucks bringing goods from Lagos and took issues over an item that was alleged to be stolen property. It did not matter to them that he presented receipts issued by those who sold the goods to his company; he was clamped in jail and charged to court.
Coincidentally, I was on my way to the National Youth Service Orientation Camp at Owo, Ondo State to begin the mandatory national service. I stopped over at the home of my brother in Benin City from where I would have to make the final connection to Owo. It was at my brother’s house that I heard the story of what happened to Uncle Dons. He suggested that I go with them to court the following day to witness the trial.
At the court premises, we met an incredible sight. It was as if our entire community of prominent citizens poured into Benin City from all over Nigeria in solidarity. Our revered traditional leader, an old politician and member of the First Republic’s Regional House of Chiefs, stormed the venue as well with a delegation from his Enugu base. They were physically present to assist a brother whose door in Benin City was always open to any passer-by who spoke our dialect (I was later to understand that this open door policy applied to all Igbo).
My cousin and I marvelled at how everyone who came contributed their experience, influence and connections to secure Uncle Dons bail on that day and subsequently ensure that a good man in Benin was not punished for the sins of a Lagos thief.
“It’s good to be good,” my brother Moses, also cut from the same mould, said to me.
Uncle Dons’ travail was my first encounter with the Igbo spirit of solidarity at work outside the region. It is sustained by the actions of solid, hardworking folks who intentionally lived and promoted the spirit of onye aghana nwanneya.
It was also in the court premises that I first heard from my community people that any traveller passing through Benin City only had to locate Dons International shop and utter a greeting in our dialect to instantly receive a welcome fit for royalty. My people spoke glowingly of our boys that he took in as apprentices, many of who later not only made good but also played it forward. It is this giving spirit that made the departed Dons Igbokwe a legend in our community.
Subsequently, as I intermittently passed through or came to Benin City to visit my brother in the course of the service year, and subsequent employment in Lagos, we had many occasions to meet with Dons and Auntie Uche over dinner in their home. As soon as my brother, then a federal civil servant, left Benin, I joined my people who made the home of the Igbokwes their stopover point as well.
My wife and I were devastated by the news of Uncle Dons passing because we are both beneficiaries of his accommodative spirit. When my wife gained admission into the University of Benin, she was always welcomed to spend weekends at their home. The couple topped it up by also travelling to Lagos to witness our wedding and fussed over us all through the ceremony. It was with profound joy that we welcomed their boys to our home when they came to or passed through Abuja to perform their national service.
This is our vanishing Igbo spirit of accommodation, severely threatened at this point. It is heart-breaking for people of my generation, most of who have one or more positive stories to tell about those who supported their progress in life with what were clearly more than random acts of kindness. It is saddening to witness how the spirit of onye aghana nwanneya is almost being lost among the Igbo today.
If I am to describe dear Uncle Dons in a sentence I would say this: He was a peaceful, kindly man of few words but the very little he spoke always packed wisdom and punch. I am hopeful that the good life he lived, the lives he touched, and our community’s collective prayers will assist his journey to a better hereafter.