Unlike physical abuse, verbal abuse can sneakily find its way into a relationship and cause emotional damage to the victim. The signs of verbal abuse are harder to spot, because there are mental cuts and bruises instead of physical ones.
A verbally abusive relationship is also sometimes referred to as an emotionally abusive relationship. The control isn’t physical, but it still cuts deep and can leave wounds that take a very long time to heal.
One of the first ways to stop the cycle of abuse is to identify the signs. Below is a list of red flags you should be aware of in order to begin the process of freeing yourself from a verbally abusive partner.
Name calling is prevalent
It is one thing to joke around with your partner, but name calling is on a whole different level. It’s one thing to call someone an idiot in the heat of an argument. It’s another to use hurtful names on a regular basis, especially ones that are very personal.
You have to be careful with the things you say
Do you find yourself tip toeing around your words or walking on eggshells around you partner? This could be a sign. People who are in emotionally abusive relationships often learn to edit their conversations in order to avoid a heated argument that may evolve into their partner becoming verbally abusive.
You are always apologizing
Apologizing is good, when you have actually done something wrong. People being verbally abused apologize for things that have nothing to do with them.
Verbally abusive people create a world in which everything is the other person’s fault, and they can be convincing about it. Even when something isn’t your fault, you start apologizing just in case.
They blame you when they are unhappy
A verbally abusive partner often doesn’t take responsibility for their feelings or actions. When your partner starts blaming you for their bad behavior, take note of this. Adults have to take responsibility for their behaviors and if your partner is saying that you caused [them] to do something, this just goes into the verbal abuse cycle that can be present.
You carry argument guilt
You may feel bad about an argument, but if you are engaged in a confrontation with your partner when they yell, cuss or berate you, you may carry the guilt of the interaction.
People who are in verbally abusive relationships often feel guilty after verbal attacks from their partner — even in the absence of any rational reason for the guilt. This is due to the verbal abuse having a shaming effect.
They accuse you of cheating
Constant accusations from your partner imply that they themselves are insecure or guilty of bad behavior. And when the abuser feels jealous the verbal abuse might include false accusations of infidelity or flirtation and threats to break things off.
They make fun of you
Poking light fun is one thing, but this behavior is meant to cut you down. If your partner talks badly about you in front of your family, your friends, or their friends while you are present or without you being present, this is a sign of verbal abuse.
They make you feel out of touch with reality
After an argument with your partner do you ever feel so manipulated you don’t know what’s real or not? That’s a red flag. This is a form of manipulation that leads the abuser to feel they are losing a grip on reality. For example, an abuser may claim that you are being ‘too sensitive’ or that negative behavior was not ‘what they intended. This plays into gas lighting as well.
They make you feel stupid
If you walk away from an argument with your partner feeling belittled, this is definitely a sign of some sort of emotional abuse. Taking cheap shots at your intelligence so they can feel better about themselves is based on degradation. You deserve to be in a relationship that makes you feel great about yourself not less than.
They downplay your experiences
This is an act of constantly opposing or devaluing your thoughts, perceptive, or experience. One example may be they can’t find a common ground with you and spend a lot of time, saying things like ‘that’s not correct’ or ‘you don’t know what you are talking about,’ and/or ‘that’s not how things go.