Rev. Sam Oluwasanya is the Pioneer District Overseer, Foursquare Gospel Church, Iju Ishaga District.
Rev Sam and his wife, Pastor Mrs Bolanle tied the nuptial knot 50 years ago, a landmark celebrated by the couple recently. They thanked God for keeping the union together in the last five decades. As gathered, theirs is a marriage made in heaven. Both the husband and the wife work in the vineyard of God. They believe that no marriage succeeds without having God solidly behind it.
In this interview with VIVIAN ONYEBUKWA, they shared their marriage experiences, advising couples on how to achieve a successful marriage, and what intending couples should look out for when they want to get married.
How did you meet your wife?
Rev Sam: It was a co-tenant that happened to be her relative that introduced me to her in the month of January 1975.
What was the attraction?
Rev Sam: Immediately I saw her, I loved her because of her disposition. She was humble. Her response to all our discussions that day made me to conclude that I was going to marry her. During my second visit the following week, I also discovered that she was very industrious. This also attracted her to me.
What was your reaction when he proposed to you?
Pastor Bolanle: My reaction to his proposal initially was that we should pray about it.
Why did you eventually accept his proposal?
Pastor Bolanle: I decided to accept his marriage proposal because I love him.
Was there any objection from any quarters?
Rev Sam: There was no objection from any quarters. Both her family and mine were in full support of our marriage.
How long have you been married?
Rev Sam: That was 50 years ago. Our marriage, with the introduction and traditional engagement took place on Saturday March 30 1975.
Fifty years after, how has it been?
Pastor Bolanle: Since then it has not been all that smooth, but God is by our side and He is helping us.
Did you experience any early marriage challenges?
Rev Sam: Initially it was rough because of some challenges here and there. But the Lord saw us through, especially when we gave our lives to Christ fully and we became born again children of God.
Pastor Bolanle: My early marriage challenges were when I lost my first daughter of about a year old. I also had two miscarriages. But the situation changed when we gave our lives to Christ and we became born again. God wiped my tears and my sorrows away as He (God) gave me children both male and female. To God be the glory.
What has kept this marriage?
Rev Sam: What has been keeping our marriage include our faith in God, our love for each other and our trust in each other. Others are our ability to forgive each other when we offend each other. Tolerance. We tolerate each other.
How do you handle misunderstanding when it arises?
Rev Sam: We resolved personal issues through effective communications, and dialogue in our bedroom. I have never reported her to any of her family members or my family members since we got married. Also, I have never raised my finger against her, not to now talk of beating her.
Pastor Bolanle: When a misunderstanding arises, we discuss and settle it among ourselves.
How do you know when your spouse is angry, and how do you handle it?
Rev Sam: When she is angry, her body language, and her reactions will show that she is angry.
We are very good in resolving our differences through discussions and prayers. We hold family altar dearly where we pray and share the word of God together, morning and evening, every day. Since we know we are coming together to pray, and we know that we cannot pray with any grudge and unsettled issues, that helps me to settle with her before we come to the altar of God in our family. We equally understand that marriage is the union of two forgivers.
Pastor Bolanle: When my husband is angry, I will apologise and tell him sorry.
Any regrets in the marriage?
Rev Sam: To the glory of God, I have no reason whatsoever to regret marrying my wife.
Pastor Bolanle: No regrets.
What are some of the qualities you admire in your spouse?
Rev Sam: The qualities I admire in her are many. Humility. She is caring, she loves and gives. I also admire her faith in God and her love for God. She doesn’t talk anyhow. Again, she is highly industrious. My wife doesn’t keep friends. We are prayer partners.
Pastor Bolanle: He is truthful and sincere. He is also a man of integrity. He has never beaten me for once. He loves me and he takes good care of me.
Why do you think some marriages fail?
Rev Sam: Some marriages fail today when God is not in that marriage. No tolerance. To the best of my understanding, marriage is give and take. Lack of effective communications and dialogue also causes problem in a marriage. No family altar where they pray. The family that prays together stays together. The third party syndrome is another issue. Lack of submission on the part of the wife and lack of love on the part of the husband etc, are all problems in marriage.
Pastor Bolanle: Some marriages fail because of unsettled misunderstandings, lack of love, submission, and unforgiving spirit.
What qualities should intending couples look out for when they want to marry?
Rev Sam: The intending couples should look out for a man or lady who loves God and has the fear of God. A lady who is ready to submit to her husband no matter her position in life, her achievements and her rich family. Also, the man should look out for a lady who is industrious, not a lazy type. It is important that the man should look for a lady who loves and cares, who is not narcissistic, a selfish person who is always concerned about herself alone, and who is a wife material, etc.
For a lady who wants to marry, she should look for a man who loves God and fear Him. A man who loves her dearly, who is industrious, not the lazy type. A man who is not narcissistic, not a selfish person who is interested in himself alone. A husband material, etc.
Pastor Bolanle: The qualities that intending couples should look for are the fear of God, love and submission, patience, trust, truthfulness, etc.
What are the secrets to having a successful marriage?
Rev Sam: For couples to achieve a successful marriage, among other things, they must allow God to be the controller of their marriage. In the marriage institution, God is a major stakeholder. He must be allowed to be at the centre of their marriage through the word of God. They must establish a family altar where they pray, both in the morning and evening, and share the word of God together.
No matter the position of the lady and her achievements in life, she must be ready to submit to her husband. That is the teaching of the word of God. The Bible says, ‘ Wives submit to your husbands in everything as to the Lord…’ Ephesians 5 vs 22. She must also be ready to submit herself to her husband in the inner room, that’s she must not deny her husband of sex. In my latest book, I said that a woman who is not ready for sex should not marry. If there is any problem she should discuss with her husband and agree together on how to go about it.
She should be careful in making friends. As a matter of fact, her husband should be her friend.
The man must love his wife dearly. The Bible says, ‘Husband love your wife as Christ loves His church..‘ Ephesians 5 vs 25. The Bible also says communication, ‘ Love covers multitude of sin.’ There must be effective communication on any issue. Where there is communication gap, there will be misunderstanding and misunderstanding leads to quarrel. And quarrel leads to fighting, fighting leads to domestic violence, domestic violence leads to death or separation and separation leads to divorce. In effective communications, we settle our grievances and misunderstanding and peace will be restored.
They should try as much as possible not to allow a third party, and if they must allow the third party it should be a trusted pastor, or a trusted marriage counsellor that their own home is worthy of emulation.
Lastly, the couple to be should make sure they keep their courtship holy, seeking and looking for the progress of each other. None of them should be narcissistic, no selfishness in marriage that would last till death do them part.
Pastor Bolanle: The secret of a successful marriage is love and care. Have Jesus at the centre. Know the word of God, and then, prayers, trust and forgiveness to one another.
What is your spouse’s shoe size?
Rev Sam: My wife’s shoe size is 7 or 8. It depends on the country or company that made the shoe. I have been buying shoes for her since a year after our marriage.
Madam, please tell us about your new book
Pastor Bolanle: To the glory of God, we released our latest book titled, ‘’The Preparation’’ purely for the intending couples and the eligible to mark our 50th wedding anniversary.
What is your advice to couples generally?
Pastor Bolanle: My advice to couples generally is that, they should love each other. Couples should be open to each other. There must be full transparency, no hidden agenda. They should share their challenges and successes together. Moreover, they should not allow friends or other people to interfere in the affairs of their marriage. If there is need to share their challenges with someone at all, it must be a trusted pastor who has a stable and a role model home and family.
What’s your husband’s best food?
Pastor Bolanle: My husband’s best food is rice and beans.