Often times when a young man of marriageable age is being confronted with issues of life, the next suggestion from his family and friends is usually to go settle down in marriage.
Indeed, marriage as a great institution, has its deep-rooted functions that checkmate some naughty behaviors. For the man, the idea might not be far from using a lady as a “responsible neck” to strengthen and balance that shaking head called husband.
Well, in some climes, this strategy works, while in some others, it can be a colossal failure, except the family supports the new wife to babysit the man and salvage him.
Why do I say so? Most often, men who call the shots in marriages characteristically write a litany of what should make a perfect woman they want to marry. And I ask, what is the character of the bridegroom-to-be? What is he bringing to the table? What name do his parents call him? A worthy son or non-challant one? How acceptable is he among his siblings? How worthy is he as a cousin, friend, colleague and neighbour? Again, how trustworthy is he among his business partners to qualify him to demand a near-perfect wife? He must go to equity with clean hands; he must be a round peg in a round hole.
I agree that a woman is a complete home. But it does not mean she must be a receiver of a rotten head and pamper him all the days of his life. No please!
Interestingly, both men and women are entitled to good quality life and should enjoy the best that marriage offers. It is also in the best interest for ladies who are not measuring up to be compensated with a worthy man. This might not be very common because men are the chief decision makers when it comes to relationships. There is no parent who raises a child either a boy or girl for compound slavery or hurtful experience in a marriage with his or her spouse. That is the reason those who must go to equity must go with clean hands. The men who sing “I want to marry a woman who is wonderful,” how wonderful are you yourself?
All must not be in the same frequency anyway, but there must a comforting feeling: a compensation of a sort that would strike a balance.
In a recent interview with Mrs. Osaretin Demuren, retired first female Chairman of Guaranteed Trust Bank (GTB), she mentioned to me how she lived with her mother-in-law for 29-years before Mama passed on to glory. For this conduct alone, she washed her hands very clean and now eats with the elders in the family.
Recall that sometime in the 90s, it was very fashionable for our ‘yankee’ brothers to return home from their bases to marry trained medical personnel. The idea behind their choice of health workers was to benefit from the financial boom the practitioners get out there. At that time, weak men also swung into action and began to look for such women they would probably turn into money spinners. Even the criminals among them, and the very unworthy fraudulent ones became interested in medical professionals to help them become accomplished men. It became a competition of a sort to marry a qualified medical practitioner who would raise a state-of-the-art country home for her husbands. And where that was not done, hell let loose.
All that brings to mind the story of Ngozi and Emeka (not real names) who lived in Texas, in United States of America. Emeka was into haulage with some Mexican boys, while Ngozi was a registered nurse, heading her unit in the Oncology department. Now, guess where the source of the family’s finance was coming from.
As a couple, both Emeka and Ngozi their minds to follow. At some point, Emeka wanted his wife to build a mansion for him in his family compound as an American big boy. On her part, Ngozi the cash-cow wanted her father to enjoy the fruit of his labour as a widower who shunned all entreaties to stand with his children during their low moments. Now, the couple cannot come to terms on the issues at hand.
Amidst quarrels and threat to life, Ngozi secretly relocated to another city with her two children forcing the marriage to a seeming end. In their story, did Emeka go to equity with clean hands?
Often times, when ladies jump at hush-hush American marriages, some of them like Ngozi are left with bitter taste in the mouth. That raises the rate of divorce by our brothers and sisters in foreign countries.
Yes, I agree with men who have tall ambition; but Oga the dreamer, what is your own profession in foreign land? You that need an a storey building, how buoyant are you? Those who insist on a particular wife because of a certain unique selling point, what is your own unique selling point?
Yes, co-professionals marry and operate in the same frequency and social-economic life, but what about the character for both? How do you see your in-laws on both sides? How do you take care of your wife’s parents for her to do the same for you? Does her family mean the world to you like your own?
Now, lets get to the real issue. That a man has a certain power dangling in between his legs is not enough reason for him to settle down in marriage. His real power should lie in his strength – one who is readily available – someone with character.
We must recall that a wife’s stake in the marriage institution is a legal one. A good one at that knows her onions, her responsibilities as a worthy wife.
In marriage, a wife is on a journey in the life of a man, and therefore, needs her man to be with her on her struggle to success. Therefore, a baby-boy-husband who is being breastfed in marriage might not be able to go to equity with clean hands.
I have not forgotten the words of my late mother to my brothers. At every given opportunity, she always told them: “No lazy man makes a happy home.” No matter your hunk, style, sexy-outlook and sexual prowess, if the real manly character is lacking, you might be getting it all wrong. Therefore, men sit up, do your best in all ramifications and go to equity with clean hands.
Now, is today’s sermon for the lazy, dubious and naturally-fraudulent men who sweep ladies off their feet with sweet tongues and hoodwink them into rot? For the unrepentant cheating fellows, the wife-beaters of our time, the secret polygamists, do you go to equity in your poor situation?
The question posed here is not for men alone to answer; it is also for the women. What are you ready to give in exchange for what you desire? Everyone wants the best; but are you also willing to give the best?
Most ladies want to marry the novel rich who will take good care of them and their families. Now young woman, will you also be interested in taking care of your husband and his family? Are you willing to remain within the confines of the family, or sow seeds of discord to scatter the members? Go to equity with clean hands!
Indeed, it is not only in marriage relationship that people must go with clean hands. It is a universally-acceptable truth that those who want to join a particular organisation must give their best. Same for the management of such organisation. In this regard, both the management and staff have their roles cut out for them to make the organisation to succeed. It is a two-way thing.
When children and wards are sent to school, it is expected that they study to show themselves approved. But when they make extra demands and even fail to study, do they go to equity with cleans hands? No parent should glorify anyway.
Apprentices who squander their masters’ resources, goods and wares, a day of reckoning is also coming. There are two sides of a coin; this must be noted and very well.
We have not forgotten Madams who maltreat their domestic helps. We will also talk about the ones who plot their graph so as to sneak into existing marriages. Are you going there with clean hands?
Teachers who abandon their school responsibilities to face their personal private lessons, are you going to equity with clean hands? Medical doctors who abandon their primary responsibilities in their respective stations – those who refer patients to their private clinics where they charge them exorbitantly and take the glory, do you go to equity with both hands clean?
Civil servants who dupe with their signatures, do you go to equity with clean hands?
What about families that maltreat widows and dehumanise them? The list of those going to equity with dirty hands appears endless.
Now, the bottom-line is: count your teeth with your tongue. Do you go to equity with clean hands? Wherever you are called to serve, do you go to equity with clean hands? Are you then ready to go to equity with clean hands when next the opportunity beckons?