By Agatha Emeadi
Louisa Eikhomun Agbonkhese is a domestic violence victim, and the founder of Echoes of Women in Africa Initiatives, a non-Governmental Organization (NGO).
Through her experience, she has been helping and empowering other victims and survivors.
In this interview with Sunday Sun, she talked about building an emotional and physical shelter for victims, capturing her experience in her book, her stint in Edo State politics and many more.
How have you been able to draw domestic violence survivors, and what has been their result?
I host a support group with survivors and get in touch with them through Non-Governmental Organizations (NGOs), women affairs and religious bodies. Then, through radio and physical contact to those who understand what we are doing. Many are yet to be confident to break the silence, but they know they are suffering from huge abuse; but holding the bull by the horns in decisions lies squarely with the victim or survivor. Mine is to present the options from a legal perspective.
Would you like to share a bit of your experience, to teach others?
I am the founder of Echoes of Women in Africa Initiatives, a non-governmental women’s human rights organization, promoting peace and security for African women and girls. This was borne out of my experience of domestic violence and to give back to the society. I was a victim who survived and now thriving. The first thing is for the woman to understand what she is going through abuse and that is very unacceptable. Then, she should be ready to speak out, call out for help by breaking the silence. This is where many women get trapped as they protect the perpetrators for different reasons. Speaking out can actually help the marriage and both can seek counselling, it must not necessarily lead to separation, but mutual resolve to individual differences. But then, when the victim continues to endure violence, it could lead to mental health issues, various illnesses or actual death of the woman.
Talk about your family, parents, siblings and marriage. How was your growing up?
I grew up a joyful child in a polygamous home. My father of blessed memory loved education of the girl child. He never descriminated against female education as an enlightened and accomplished Marine Engineer. My mother is a businesswoman and I learnt to be industrious from her. I grew up in a large family, many brothers, sisters, uncles, aunties and cousins. I never knew domestic violence was real until I experienced it.
What advice would you give to victims of domestic violence, both men and women?
Domestic violence is a criminal offence. I would advise the victims not to take laws into their hands, rather seek justice with the appropriate authorities, they are all visible in almost all states. If these laws protect both men and women. I will specifically tell women to seek alternative shelter if their lives are at risk. Only the living can be a wife, mother or daughter.
Now, you published and launched a book last year, how do you feel?
I felt very fulfilled that I was able to successfully launch my book to create awareness on domestic violence and laws of protection. I felt very happy that Lagos State government responded, especially Her Excellency, Dr (Mrs) Ibijoke Sanwo-Olu who sent a representative. That shows where her heart is as a woman, one cannot be too busy and neglect issues of domestic violence. So, I appreciated her for all her efforts for the safety of women and girls. The book is out in designated bookshops and on amazon.com.
What inspired you to put the book together?
I lived with, and survived domestic violence, then kept quiet for a long time. However, when reports of women being killed through domestic violence was on the increase, it triggered me because I felt guilty for more than 10 years, I could not do anything. So, I started to document my experiences, my escape, survival, healing and how I was able to overcome the trauma, even though one cannot really get over the trauma in a lifetime; rather could heal, integrate back into the society and begin to contribute meaningful development as a woman. Putting the book together was just the first phase, but getting it out to the public was very challenging because I couldn’t afford the printing. So, when I had the opportunity of going to Europe as a Shelter City Guest, I took the manuscript along, miraculously, the idea was bought by Halim Foundation who made it possible for me to have it as a hard copy for everybody to have access to it.
What is the Shelter City all about?
It’s a human rights defenders Project for Violence, Justice and Peace in Netherlands, where they ask human rights defenders who are under threats or tired to engage with them, have 90 days of rest in the Netherlands and, of course, to gain new experiences. It is actually for rest and safety. I was at the Netherlands for 90 days, but I couldn’t rest. Till date, they said that my records there was like I came to work. How does one rest when there are challenges. So, I took every opportunity they gave me to learn, share my experience to impact on other students because I was actually giving talks to Masters class students in some of the universities in Netherlands. I made sure that I shared my story, told them what was happening, the challenges of tradition, patriarchy and all that. I came back with my book which was the greatest achievement from Shelter City Project.
What about your initiative for women (ECOWA)?
Echoes of Women in Africa (ECOWA) was founded in 2011 out of my experience of domestic violence. It was not a priority issue at first because after I experienced domestic violence I worked with Project Alert, the organisation that came to my rescue. I also worked with Ikeja Weekly and was writing about women’s issues. Then I got an invitation to the African Union (AU) by the gender directorate on the issues of women. I also discovered that I was still doing things around women. Later, I got another invitation from Armani Africa by the African Union to participate in a few simulated operations and was on the gender component. That was how all the pieces began to fall back together. I realised that I still had a lot to do in this area, women in conflict, women in domestic violence, women suffering one form of abuse or the other. When I returned from the Armani Africa Project by the AU in 2010, I got like minds together and came up with the idea of Echoes of Women in Africa. Today, we are marking 12 years. We are not there as expected, but we are not out of the picture either. I am doing a shelter project in Edo State, and to the glory of God, we are rounding off. Though there are a lot of shelters in Edo State for battered women, but we are using this opportunity to reflect on our shelter so it could be functional as well. The issue of a battered woman is very sensitive. Therefore, one has to keep empowering other women. Domestic violence is an experience that a woman gets blamed for, both tradition and culture blame her, society as well points accusing finger at her, even her own family blames her. Part of the reasons people keep quiet and die in silence is the social stigma and the blame associated with domestic violence. It is an experience that makes the victim a villain, stigmatized and then keep quiet and continue to live in silence. So, Echoes of Women in Africa was established to ensure that women break the silence and we provide practical solutions, not just lip service. So, responding to the issues of domestic violence, the first thing for a woman is shelter, where would a woman under threat go to? She has to remain there if she has nowhere to go to temporarily. That is why we need to have shelters for battered women all over the nation.
Talk about a few cases you handled that inspires you?
We started the encouragers circle and we got people to come and talk to the survivors. There was a particular lady who wanted to go into a second marriage, by the time she attended twice, she was able to realise that she had some self worth and would have made another mistake if she went into a second marriage. She had to call off that relationship which became a success story because it would have been the same thing. She would have made another mistake and ended up in another violent relationship. All the indicators of abuse were springing up without her realizing them; so, women need to understand the indicators of abuse and work on them seriously. Many do not know the indicators, but liberally think it is normal. It is not normal to be under abuse and accept it. You need to remove the blindfold and seek for help immediately.
What lessons have you learnt working in this sector?
The first thing is that you have to be a voice, you cannot remain silent in the face of tyranny and discrimination. It has already caused me friction from culture. I am someone who have being singled out in my village for things I write about women. Culture do not want women’s rights to be pronounced or even tell they have rights. But I persisted and I am known for that. During my book launch in Benin city, my traditional ruler came because I was persistent in what I was doing, I am respected. It is not about paying lip service, not just what I use to earn a living; but to pour out my heart on women’s domestic violence. Let it be a passion where women would trust, believe and come to you to resolve issues.
You also ventured into politics; talk about that?
Initially, I started an ethnic women’s movement in Esan known as the Esan Women’s Movement. In 2012, I went to my community told the women they have rights and can run for political offices. The women said no, that they had never seen a woman come out that bold to contest elections. I decided to push them into positions like counsellors and others, but met a brickwall. They had never seen it and were afraid that they might be going against their leaders. So, I said I would make myself an example and demystify the political process for them to understand that it is not for men alone. One does not learn politics in the womb, you engage in it, get better and begin to seek counsel. I ran for the House of Assembly and was under pressure; I was told that I would be stripped naked and put to shame if I get to the primaries. Then I sought counsel from older female politicians who told me not to give up. I persisted, went to the field and everyone blacklisted me. So, with shaky hands and fear, I went to the field, like Sarah Jubril, I got just one vote. Though I have not gone back to elective position, I have had different appointments. My core passion is human rights, ensuring that the women are safe.
Do you have mentors, talk about them?
The former Minister, Iyom Josephine Anenih is a woman I admire. She believes in other women and does not look down on other women. I met her in the course of running for office, though we were not in the same party. We connected and till date we still communicate. Another woman I admire is Rt. Hon. Ative, the only female Speaker in the whole of South-South. She was one of my mentors during my campaign in 2014. She told me, ‘don’t step down; we need more women who will mentor others. Be available, let women come to you and share their experiences with you and that is what we need. It is not about giving money but sharing experiences and encouraging others. The late May Mofe-Damijo (Nee Ellen-Ezekiel) was my boss. She found me in Abuja and co- opted me as producer for the ‘MEE and You show’ I also did my youths service in a radio station but never been on TV as co- producer. Her death was very devastating for me.