Elder Oluwatayo Ogunleye and his wife Deaconess Adunola Ogunleye are from Iropora-Ekiti, Irepodun/ Ifelodun Local Government Area of Ekiti State, but reside in Ado-Ekiti, the state capital. They’ve been married since 1971 and are blessed with children.
Elder Oluwatayo Ogunleye was born on May 30 1947. He worked as a primary school teacher at St Phillips United Primary School Iropora-Ekiti between 1962 and mid-1963. When the modern school certificate was no longer accepted for teaching, he went to Ikirun in Osun State to learn a trade as a motor mechanic. Following his freedom in 1968, he relocated to Ado-Ekiti where he got employed with Western Textile Industries Company Limited (WESTEXINCO), Ado-Ekiti, which was later renamed Odua Textile Industry Limited between 1969 and 1998. He also worked as a security officer at National Bank, now Wema Bank, between 2006 and 2016. He was ordained an Elder in Christ Apostolic Church (CAC), Ogba Itura, Iropora-Ekiti in 1991.
Deaconess Adunola Ogunleye was born on November 3rd, 1954. A trader, she was ordained a deaconess in the same church in 1999. The couple spoke with PRISCILLA EDIARE.
How did you meet each other?
Elder Tayo: I met her in 1971 after she returned from Lagos State. I was working with Western Textile Industries Company Limited (WESTEXINCO), which was later renamed Odua Textile Industry Limited in Ado-Ekiti. I had a friend that we worked together in the same place. He was from my home town, Iropora-Ekiti. He had travelled to Iropora-Ekiti and saw her and he came back to Ado-Ekiti to tell me he saw a fine lady in Iropora-Ekiti, that he would want me to meet her. At that time he had a lady he already wanted to marry and he also wanted me to have a lady too. The following weekend, we both travelled to our home town and he took me to the Oba’s palace where she was staying. We saw her and called her. My friend introduced me to her. He told her he would want us to be close to each other, that was how it started. Later, I started travelling from Ado-Ekiti to Iropora to see her. The first time I told her my mind, she didn’t accept. She said she would go and think about it but after some time she said she would tell her parents about it.
I also told my parents about it, and my father who was a prophet prayed together with my mother and he also prayed on his own. My parents later said we could go ahead to marry each other, that our union would be a good one. So, my father told one of his younger brothers that I had seen the woman I wanted to marry that the brother should go on his behalf to see her parents and seek their consent. Her parents told my father’s younger brother that they would pray about it. After the prayers, her parents said we could go ahead to marry, that God had chosen us to marry each other. After our parents had agreed, I started travelling from Ado-Ekiti to Iropora to see her every Friday after work, and by Sunday I would travel back to Ado. After sometime, we did our traditional wedding. That was how our union started.
Deaconess Adun: I had just returned from Lagos State to Iropora-Ekiti that time. His friend introduced us to each other. So, when he said he would want me to be his wife I told him I was going to think about it. I thought about it for three months. Meanwhile, he was always coming to Iropora every weekend to see me. And whenever he was around, people would start to say Smart has arrived. That time ‘Smart’ was his guy name. They called him Smart because he always dressed smart, he was dutiful and very serious about work. So, after I had accepted and our parents had agreed that we could be husband and wife, we did the traditional wedding in 1971. At first, I didn’t go with him to Ado but later I packed my things and I started to live with him in Ado-Ekiti and in 1973 we had our first child. Let me say this, I later got to know that my husband taught me when I was in primary school in Iropora-Ekiti.
When your friend introduced you to her, what attracted you to her?
Elder Tayo: She was good to behold. She was tall and beautiful. She was the type of woman that can be seen around one. That was why I agreed to have a relationship with her that time. Later, I started to know that she was very respectful and upright and I thought this is a wife material. And even in our marriage she didn’t change her behaviour and she has been very supportive too.
Madam, what attracted you?
Deaconess Adun: He was a very peaceful and easy-going person. He still possesses these qualities. His family members were also peaceful and easy-going people. The family members were not trouble makers who will fight and report themselves at the police station because there were some family members then who were always fighting. Also, when we prayed God said our union will be a good one.
Did you have girlfriends before you met her?
Elder Tayo: No, I didn’t have a girlfriend but before I travelled to Ikirun, Osun State to learn mechanical work, I had been looking at a lady whom I thought l was going to talk to but I had not told her anything. She was my friend’s younger sister. Then she travelled and I didn’t know her whereabouts again.
Did you have a boyfriend or suitor before you met your husband?
Deaconess Adun: I left Iropora-Ekiti with one of my big sisters to Lagos State when I was in primary four. When I got to Lagos I started living with a couple where I was helping them to take care of their children and do other house chores. Later, they employed another girl who was also assisting me. There was one white man who was living in the next compound. The white man would always come to our house to play with us. Later he started saying he would marry me and we would travel together abroad to continue my education. I had it in mind that I was going to marry him, but the story changed when suddenly I was taken away from the place. My mother’s younger brother had come to take me away, that I should not stay in Lagos again because my mother was complaining that she had neither heard from me nor seen me for eight years. So, my mother’s brother came and took me, packed my things and brought me back to Iropora and since then I never set my eyes on the white man again.
You said your husband taught you in primary school. Please tell us more about that.
Deaconess Adun: Yes. He taught me in 1962 when I was in Primary One at St. Phillips United Primary School, Iropora-Ekiti. That was before I went to Lagos. I got to know that he taught me in primary school some years after our wedding when I saw the picture we took in primary school. I saw the picture in my mother’s place, and she called my attention to it. Myself, himself and other pupils in the class took the picture when we were having our end of the year party that year.
Did you remember you taught her in primary school before you married her?
Elder Tayo: No, I didn’t remember. I didn’t know I taught her in primary school until she brought the picture we took together with other pupils in the class. That was before the services of modern school holders were cancelled for teaching. Immediately it was cancelled, I travelled to Ikirun in Osun State to learn a trade.
How did you feel when you got to know you were married to one of your pupils?
Elder Tayo: I felt happy.
How did you feel when you got to know you were married to one of your teachers?
Deaconess Adun: I felt good about it, though we both didn’t know it was a teacher/ pupil thing until my mother showed me the picture and I also showed it to him
Could you remember your first misunderstanding in marriage?
Elder Tayo: So many things happened but the major misunderstanding was the issue of a young lady. The lady and I were working together in Odua Textile. She had a problem in her family which she told me. The problem she had that time was that her mother was sick and she also had misunderstanding with her husband and she had to return to her mother’s house. She had only one child for the husband then. Her mother was very sick and was admitted at the hospital. She was the one who was staying with the mother at the hospital. From the hospital she would come to the office and return to the hospital after the close of work. Sometimes she wouldn’t be able to come to the office. Having known her problems, I had sympathy on her and we became very close. But when my wife got to know about it she thought I was having an affair with her. That time my wife had a shop close to my place of work where she was selling food and provisions. Some people in my office had told my wife about it and that caused a serious misunderstanding between us . I explained to my wife that there was nothing between the lady and myself, that myself and some other people in the office were just assisting her because of her predicament. But my wife didn’t believe. The issue later became a very serious one and I told her since you don’t believe that I wasn’t having an affair with her, I have decided to have an affair with her, so that I can justify the accusation. Later, my wife went to my father and reported the issue to him. So, my father invited the two of us to Iropora and settled it.
Deaconess Adun: I rented a shop close to my husband’s place of work at Odua Textile where I was selling food and provisions. Sometimes when I went to the house, some young ladies would come to the house and they would say they had come to visit him. They would be playing with his ears and nose. I would look at them and wouldn’t say anything. One day, he said he was going to our site. We had a farm on the site. So, I decided to go to the site too. He didn’t know I was going there. There I met him with a woman. I asked him what the woman had come to do on the farm. That was where the misunderstanding started. Whenever I spoke about the issue, he would not eat. He would be very angry. He would say, that woman you don’t want to see, I will marry her.
So how do you settle your differences?
Elder Tayo: Sometimes when she does something I don’t like, when she is talking to me I won’t respond or sometimes I may leave the house. Later she will realise that I am not happy with her. Then she will say she is sorry. I may show some annoyance but I will succumb later.
Deaconess Adun: When we have misunderstanding and I realise that his mood has changed
I will tell him not to be annoyed. I will tell him I am sorry. But, what we have always ensured is that whenever we have misunderstanding it does not affect the children. Our children don’t know if there’s anything going on between us.
Who says sorry first?
Elder Tayo: She is used to saying sorry first but I also tell her sorry when I know that I am at fault. The sorry may not be immediately because we will first show some annoyance before we will come back to reconcile.
Deaconess Adun: I am always the first to say sorry and it will take some time before he will accept it. It used to take some time to calm him down whenever he was vexed but he started changing ever since he became an elder in the church.
As grandparents, how is your typical day like now that your children have gone their separate ways?
Elder Tayo: We have been doing things by ourselves. The children have been very helpful and supportive. I help my wife to stay in the shop in the front of our house once in a while, especially when she is busy with some other things.
My aged mother who is over 100 years old lives in our neighbourhood. She lives with my younger sister and her husband. My younger sister is a teacher. I check on my mother every day, sometimes three times in a day.
Deaconess Adun: When I wake up in the morning, I clean up the house and cook our food. I stay in the shop in the front of our house when I have the strength because my children said I should rest more and stay in the shop only when I have the strength.
The rate of divorce in the country is alarming. What advice do you have for couples and intending couples?
Elder Tayo: Couples should put God first and never see divorce as an option. The two of them should learn to tolerate, trust, understand and forgive each other. They should be united and know they are the only ones that can make the marriage work. Both parties should be content with whatever they have. They should respect each other’s ideas and always correct each other in love. They shouldn’t compare each other with other people.
For intending couples, they shouldn’t rush into marriage. They should put God first and pray to Him about their relationship. They should avoid searching for whom to spend the rest of their lives with on Facebook, social media or the dance floor. They should know the person very well.
Ensure the person you want to get married to is God’s choice for you. If he or she is God’s choice, that is when you can continue with the relationship and they should avoid pre marital sex.
Deaconess Adun: Couples should know that they are from different backgrounds. With this in mind, they should be able to tolerate each other. They should know that marriage is not a bed of roses. There is no ready-made marriage anywhere. They are the ones to make their marriage work. The wife should be submissive to her husband and the husband should love his wife dearly. They should be supportive of each other and respect each other’s feelings. They should take care of their children together. They should trust, love, tolerate, encourage, understand, and forgive each other. For intending couples, know the type of person you want to get married to because marriage is not a place you rush into. The way you lay your bed in marriage is the way you will lie on it.