Sixty years ago, on May 15 1965, Sir Boniface Nnadiwuagha Ogbuokiri (KSJ), an Aba-based businessman, got married to his wife, Lady Stella Chijioke Ogbuokiri, a teacher, otherwise referred to as Miss in those days. Both remained in their professions until they retired gracefully into old age. Today, the two octogenarians, who were orphaned from childhood, are basking in euphoria for surmounting challenges and are in celebration for a job well-done. Blessed with six worthy children and many grandchildren, among whom are four medical doctors, bankers, lecturer and a US-based qualified nurse, they also have many non-biological children and grandchildren.
In an interview with Agatha Emeadi, the Ogbuokiris who are still mentally alert in their late 80s talked about their marital journey in the last 60 years, as well as challenges and successes that have been part of their remarkable journey.
How and when did you meet your wife?
Sir Boni: Well, my parents named me Nnadiwuagha. When I got baptised, I chose to be named Boniface. That is why I bear (B N Ogbuokiri). I am from Eziachi, while my wife of 60 years is from Isu-Njaba in Orlu LGA, Imo State. When I was due for a title by my community, I chose ‘Ugochinyerem.’ which means God’s Eagle, symbolising “Gods anointed gift.” I took that name for people to see the glory of God in two orphans who chose to be together forever. Again, it is to witness more success including the present ones.
Now, as a man grows in life, so also do challenges grow with him. So, when it was time for me to get married; I met my wife at Omuma Road in Aba where she came to visit her brother, late Mr. Jonathan Iwuagwu. Her brother was close to my late cousin named John Mmezi Onwugburu who was Iwuagwu’s business partner. It was those days when Nigerian Breweries collected empty bottles from people. The two men were supplying empty bottles. So, when I went there for the business as well, my cousin Onwugburu said, ‘Boni, I heard you sometime say you are looking for a wife. Jonathan’s sister who happens to be a teacher is around.’ I said I would like to see her. When we got there, I introduced myself to her, sat and watched her, while my cousin did the talking. I made my intentions known to her through letters that I wrote her. After one week, I got a letter from her. She wrote: ‘Your request, the answer is Yes! That was her statement.
Madam, is his story true?
Lady Stella: I met my husband in Aba when he heard about me and came calling. I did not yield into his request immediately, but needed to know more about him. My brother was convinced he would make a good husband and encouraged me to marry him.
What was the attraction?
Sir Boni: What I heard about her from her brother was quite fulfilling. I also like her physical appearance. All that she also heard about me from her brother in 1964 was the stepping stone that convinced her. She was even a headmistress of a school as at that time. She taught from 1964-1993 before she retired as a Deputy Supervisor of Schools. (DSS) We continued in the relationship until May 1965, when we wedded at Christ the King Church, (CKC) Aba. This is our 60th wedding anniversary. We are so grateful to God who gave us the strength to stay together in good health till date. My wife happened to be the only girl from her family, while I was the only remaining child of my mother’s eight children. Six died in infancy, but I saw my immediate older brother James. My mother gave birth to two sets of twins, four children who were killed, and the villagers threatened to send my mother away for giving birth to twins in those days. My father was nice to the people, so they asked him to appease the gods of the land. I happen to be my mother’s last child. My late brother James witnessed the killing of the twins, and later died in 1946; then I was left alone with my mother. In 1960 my mother died. In 1945, I went to Aba just before my brother died to be an apprentice and serve my most senior step-brother.
Lady Stella: The attraction was that I liked what I saw. What I saw was good. We saw and liked each other.
What pet name do you call yourselves?
Sir Boni: Her middle name is Chijioke, So I call her ‘C’. With all her support, faithfulness, encouragement and beautiful children she gave me, I see her as my sister. We also call ourselves ‘Nwanne’ which means my sibling. She is my sister and I am her brother.
Lady Stella: His name is Boni, so I call him ‘B.’ We also adopted ‘Nwanne’ as we aged and saw the beauty of our union.
How did you surmount all the marital challenges in the last 60 years?
Sir Boni: This is one of the questions people ask me regularly. Well, we have seen couples divorce with ten years or even less than that. First, it is tolerance. Marriage is ‘give and take’. I have not said she does not make mistakes or that she is always good, neither will she say the same about me. But we understand each other. Someone told me that when they went for marriage course, the Rev. Fr admonished them thus… “Both of you are enlightened, therefore do to each other what you would want to be done to you.” If you understand and do that, you will not have problems. So, that was what we had in our mind as we journeyed together in marital union. On the other side, when one thinks of marriage, one should also think of what follows – expectations, discoveries, adjustments to the right and to the left. If there are no adjustments, then you add tolerance. When tolerance becomes part of you, you will not know when you overcome all quarrels.
Lady Stella: We liked each other. With our actions, we worked towards making our marriage to work without knowing it. We do not take our arguments to bed, not at all. My husband is not given into temperament. He is ever smiling. It was easy for us to walk through the dark shadows of marriage.
Did you make any personal adjustment to make sure your marriage worked?
Sir Boni: Yes, I used to smoke then. My wife told me she does not like smoking, and advised me to take to sniffing instead of smoking. In fact, she bought the snuff for me. I tried it, but the sneeze that stained my shirt was not funny. So, with time, I stopped everything. Till date, I do not smoke and do not use snuff.
Lady Stella: When he requested me to always speak up instead of grumbling and nagging, I simply did that. If there is any issue, I will table it in our bedroom and we will sort it out.
How did you manage your finances, because it brings a lot of disunity in marriages?
Sir Boni: I did not go to secondary school, even though I passed the common entrance examination and gained admission into Bishop Shanahan College (BSC) Orlu. But my most senior brother Stephen, who is the first son of my father, did not allow me to go to college. So, I went to night school where I learnt typing and shorthand, book-keeping and office administration. That was what I studied. Armed with it, my senior brother, who was a palm-produce merchant, said I should stay with him as his tally clerk. I stayed with him until 1958 when the British people left. He was a big trader in UAC then. I took over the palm oil trading business which fetched me money. Before I married my wife, I had already bought a piece of land in Aba, and developed it when things were still very good. My brother John also gave me some money to keep and even asked me to use on whatever I wanted to do. He also instructed me to use the money and train his son in Sacred Heart College Aba, which I did. Money was not actually a problem in our marriage because I was comfortable as a businessman while she was a teacher who also earned salary. She had hers, I have mine but our primary target was to raise worthy children, which God had granted us.
Lady Stella: The focus was to raise worthy children. I was a teacher who earned salary. Part of our training as teachers was home management. So we managed well, carried on well and God saw us through.
In 60 years of marriage, what can you call your greatest achievement?
Sir Boni: They are so many. Uncountable, honestly. God in the life of two orphans who most people did not give the chance. People wondered how two orphans would make it then without any support system. Today, we were blessed with seven children, but lost one in 1995 after his MSc. To the Glory of God, we have six children living, among whom are three medical doctors. My twin daughters are both medical doctors. With my other children that came through marriages, we have seven medical doctors. My second son and his wife are also medical doctors. My youngest son is a lecturer in England with a medical doctor wife.
Lady Stella: We are celebrating God’s faithfulness. When my medical doctor daughters got married into other families, I encouraged my sons to also marry doctors into our own family and they listened to me.
Looking at your fingers, you have two wedding rings each. What does it signify?
Sir Boni: The first ring is for our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary while the second one is for our fiftieth wedding anniversary.
Lady Stella: It is for our twenty-fifth and fiftieth wedding anniversaries.
Is there anything she does that you don’t like?
Sir Boni: When we were four years old in marriage, she used to nag. I encouraged her to speak out. If I have offended you, I will apologise. If I need to explain my action, I would do so too. She listened to me and from then till date, she stopped because we understand ourselves.
Are you one of those who use sex as a weapon to fight back when you have issues with your husband?
Lady Stella: No, I do not refuse him. Why would I? We are very close in our relationship. We find it easy to make up after our argument.
What about your best man and chief bridesmaid?
Sir Boni: My best man is still living but has eye problems. He is the one after me in the family. He came from Zaria then to Aba to be my best man.
Lady Stella: My chief bridesmaid was my classmate. Her name is Clara Ofoegbu from Amaigbo Orlu. She came from Enugu where she was heading a school. She left us from the hall back to Enugu because she would be in school in the next day.
What is your favourite food?
Sir Boni: Well, my breakfast is tea always. Then my lunch is swallow with okro soup. If I take these two, any other light food can come in the evening.
Lady Stella: We eat together. Whatever we see on our dining is our food. Of late, our daughter and husband Dr. & Dr. Nwose who have been our benefactor for some time now, insist on healthy food which she prepares herself and serve all of us, including her mother-in-law who is also in the house. My husband used to call their home Old People’s Home (OPH). With the support of our other children, they are taking good care of three of us. May God bless them.
What would you be remembered for when the curtain finally draws?
Sir Boni: I will be remembered as that orphan who God’s mercy located with a kind and loving wife. It made life easy for me to sail. I would also be remembered as a businessman with less education, but God gave me very well-educated children. I am proud of what God did for me as an orphan.
Lady Stella: I will be remembered as a wife and sibling to my husband. We are a couple and orphaned-siblings who raised strong pillars through the mercy of God.
What advice would you give to younger ones coming into marriage?
Sir Boni: In my book “Nnadiwuagha, an orphan helped by God” which I will present during the celebration of our 60th wedding anniversary, I wrote about the element of marriage.’ I mentioned expectation, discovery, adjustments, tolerance and condonement. If one goes through these lines, you will discover it is for the couple, not a particular partner. So many have issues of new discoveries from whom they are married to.
Lady Stella: Being a teacher and in marriage for many years, it has given me the opportunity to head several positions in women’s meetings and associations. I have always advised women to marry who they like naturally; it is easier to work with natural love.