Many married women carry a hidden burden. Their men are not the soul mates they expected. And sadly so.
Many women search for soul mates, but soon after celebrating their successes, they are left alone, emotionally wrecked, crying their eyes out all night. Lonely! Next, they want out.
Various studies have shown that married women seek divorce more than their husbands. And indeed, more than half of women recently surveyed by AOL Living and Women’s Day magazine say their husbands are not their soul mates, that they sometimes regret marrying their husbands, and that they have considered leaving their husbands at some point or another.
Of the 35,000 women surveyed, nearly 50 percent said that their husbands’ personalities were the first thing that attracted them and more than 50 percent said that their husbands’ personalities are still their most attractive trait.
About 52 percent said they don’t believe in fate. Or at least, that’s what we presume they mean when they say that their husbands are not their “soul mates.”
Also, 72 percent say they’ve considered leaving their husbands at some point or another. More than half the respondents claim their husbands say “ I love you” every day, or “fairly often.”
Marriage regrets
The following, sourced from HuffPost, are some of the popular marriage regrets from wives.
•“Being in such a rush to get married. I never took the time to really get to know him before we wed.”
•“I regret settling for less than what I deserved, always justifying his unacceptable behavior, and forgiving too many inexcusable things for the sake of our marriage.”
•“Trying to make the marriage work when I knew deep down we didn’t stand a chance.”
•“Becoming complacent. I now know that marriage is like chess: You always have to have your head in the game. Always.”
•“My big mistake was picking someone I thought I could save. Eventually, I realized we were both emotionally unavailable.”
•“Assuming I could love her enough to erase the past”
•“Staying and fighting for his love when he pushed me away.”
•“I regret marrying someone I knew I wasn’t in love with.”
•“My biggest regret is not being able to make it last ‘till death did us part.’”
•“Thinking an open marriage was a reasonable idea is what I regret most.”
•“I regret trying to make someone else happy and staying for far too long. I only ended up shortchanging myself.”
•“I never should have married someone with a history of walking out.”
•“I regret the whole thing: getting married and staying married. In the end, I wasted too much of my life on him.”
•Among Christians, the common mistake is not involving God in the choice of spouse.
Divorce regrets
Divorce is not as easy as alighting from a bus and disappearing into the crowd. Yea, divorce is bad for a relationship that starts so beautifully. People find justification for it, but the issue is that if it was to happen that way, why did it start? Why all the physical and emotional investment?
It is little wonder that many people who cite all the loads of reasons to divorce, soon have second thoughts. In a survey, commissioned as part of the DVD release of The Love Punch in UK, 50 per cent of divorcees have regrets about their break-up. Researchers found that after the dust settled, 54 per cent experienced second thoughts about whether they had made the right decision, with many realising they miss or still love their ex-partner.
For some, the regrets have been so severe that 42 per cent have had moments where they considered giving their relationship another go, with a large percentage actually making the effort to try again and 21 per cent of those still together now.
Almost half of those even went as far as to say they are happier or stronger than they were before the divorce.
A spokesman for the survey, who asked 2,000 UK men and women that have either divorced or called time on a long-term relationship of more than five years, said: ‘Getting divorced is a huge step for any relationship, and sometimes, the words ‘I want a divorce’ can be said in the heat of an argument.
But once you calm down and really think about things, many realise it’s the last thing they want, but by then, you can feel it’s too late to take it back.
And even if you don’t regret it immediately, dealing with the aftermath of a break-up can lead to more second thoughts.’
Jane Gordon
This story of a writer, Jane Gordon, reported in the The Mail of UK is very graphic. She said, ‘When my husband and I parted, my view of divorce was simplistic. I believed in the notion of divorce as a clean break and imagined a ‘fresh start’ would solve all my problems.’
‘As I have discovered the hard way, it is only now, after I received my decree nisi, that I am starting to realise the gravity of what I have done.
‘It wasn’t a decision made lightly, but I had no idea of the true complexity of unraveling a life that had been led in tandem with someone else for more than 20 years.’
Bottom line: To divorce or not to divorce requires a very careful consideration, including the God factor.