By Kate Halim
In their own way, every child is unique and special. However, some children are so special that they may require extra help to navigate everyday activities. These children are called special needs children.
Parenting children with special needs may require extra effort as they need constant help to tide over a medical condition; a pre-existing disease or syndrome, a learning disability, or an emotional issue.
A child psychologist, Gbemisola Akindele told Saturday Sun that parents of children with special needs are often exhausted and frequently become depressed. She added that their time and resources for self-care are depleted more than those of parents with typical children.
Types of Special Needs Children
Akindele stated that children with special needs are categorised into four main types which include physical, developmental, behavioural/emotional, and sensory impaired children.
1. Physical
Special needs children with physical disabilities face problems performing regular body movements and coordinating activities. Some common examples of physical issues in these children include muscular dystrophy, epilepsy, cerebral palsy and multiple sclerosis. These physical issues can be caused due to genetics, spinal cord injury, brain damage due to trauma, or any serious illness. Children with physical problems often require special health care support.
2. Developmental
Children with developmental needs could have Down’s syndrome, fragile X syndrome, Dyslexia, autism, dysgraphia, aphasia, dyscalculia, auditory processing disorder, or visual processing disorder.
Most developmental disabilities in children usually begin before a child is born, while a few can begin during their growing years, caused by an illness, infection, or trauma. In most cases, developmental needs may arise due to a mix of factors, including genetics, parental health during pregnancy, complications during birth, and exposure to environmental toxins.
3. Behavioural/emotional
Children with emotional or behavioural needs usually have attention deficit disorder (ADD), bipolar disorder, or oppositional defiant disorder. They may show difficulty in communicating with others, inability to maintain personal relationships, loneliness or depression, hyperactivity or impulsive nature, signs of emotional instability as well as short temper and irritability.
4. Sensory impaired
Some children have sensory impairments that affect one or more of their senses, including vision, hearing, smell, touch, or spatial awareness. There can be many reasons for sensory impairments in children, the most common being injury and infection. In most cases, genetics and environmental factors are responsible. Children with this disability may have difficulty receiving and responding to information.
Akindele outlined 10 tips that can help parents of special needs children give them the best in life:
One: Notice the signs early
The first step is to notice the red flags in your child’s behaviour. If your child shows anything unusual, talk about it with your spouse and other family members. If you are a working mother, the caregiver or other family members who take care of your child may notice the signs and inform you about them. You should watch out for signs like the child not responding when called by name, or laughing the whole day without getting tired, sitting and moving round and round or being unable to respond or speak or unable to walk or run, unlike other kids of their age. These signs can be noticed at an early age.
Two: Seek help
Seek help early, so that you don’t have to bear the emotional burden alone, or worse, allow the situation to escalate to the point that you are burned out. You should first visit a doctor. If the doctor doesn’t say anything positive after seeing the reports about the child’s disability, then go to the therapist. Therapists are of great help. You may be sad and would not accept that your child as a special needs child, but when the doctor and other people are recommending you to seek help, then you must not ignore the signs. Look for a good therapist.
Go with your child to the clinic and sit with them. Look how the counselling or therapy is being done. Also, if your child does not seem to be happy and does not show improvement after visiting the therapist, like the child is constantly crying; this also shows that the therapist is not good enough for them. In this case, change the therapist. Seek help from your friends and family members. Be friends with parents of special needs children. Talk, share and learn from them. If you don’t know anything about the disability for example autism, then read articles, talk to your therapist, and read books to gain knowledge about it.
Three: Believe in yourself and your child
Don’t rely only on therapy alone because therapy is only for a few hours. Give time to your child at home too. Play with your child and teach them certain things. For example, most children cry or shout or get angry when they need something or want your attention. Teach them to tap your shoulder or come to you and show signs whenever they need something from you. Don’t expect things to happen all at once. Taking care of a child with special needs requires patience and understanding.
Every child is different. Don’t compare them with other kids of their age. Therapies will take time and your child will show improvement, just believe in yourself and your child. If you will stay positive and happy then your child will automatically stay happy and positive.
Four: Take out some time for yourself
It’s very important to take care of yourself. Don’t stress too much about why things are not happening as fast as you want it. Let your child take their own time to develop. Take out time for yourself. For example, set a time in the morning before your child gets up and do your favourite exercise or meditate, read books, listen to your favourite music and just relax for a few minutes. This can be done at any time on a daily basis. Just find out a suitable time for yourself and relax a little. It’s okay to take breaks. This will keep you motivated and you will not feel exhausted.
Five: Socialise
Socialise with others. Go for a walk with your child, your friend and your friend’s child. Let your child socialise with other people. This will help increase your child’s level of comfort and will also make them happy. Most importantly, other people will know how to behave and mix with special needs children. Go to birthdays and other parties with your child. Just try not to limit your child and yourself to home and therapy.
Six: Education
Education plays an important part in the lives of special needs children. Search for schools which give admission to special needs children. Try to get admission when you feel your child is ready for school. Don’t be in a hurry. Another option is you can provide education to your child at home too with the help of teachers. This will help them flourish in the subjects they like as there will be no time limit, no boundaries to play, no restrictions etc. Play and educate your child. As children love to play and enjoy so they will learn easily. If your preference is school, then make sure that your child is not kept aside or secluded from other children. Ask the school to organise meetings on a regular basis and seminars too about special needs children. This will help you know your child’s strengths and weaknesses.
Seven: Understand your child
Taking care of special needs children is like taking care of a newborn child. You have to understand what your child likes and dislikes, what makes them angry, and what makes them happy by giving them opportunities. Understand your child, give them opportunities, try not to limit them and then analyze their behaviour.
Eight: Love your child unconditionally
Love your child in good and bad times. Love your child on good and bad days. Don’t get angry with them. If they don’t understand something, then explain them slowly and little by little. Don’t hurt them by saying bad things and don’t allow other family members and friends to hurt them with words too. If they have a sibling, then teach them to respect and love his/her special needs brother/sister. Don’t treat your special needs child like a burden. If you stay positive then things will go positive, your child will be positive and ultimately will show improvement.
Nine: Have hope and set goals
Set realistic and measurable goals that your child can achieve so that the family can celebrate these successes together. When small goals are in place, parents can focus on their child’s achievements, however tiny these successes are. Over time, as you and your child absorb more information, you would begin to form more realistic expectations and reasonable outcomes, such as living longer than expected; being well-cared for and supported; having good pain and symptom control; and achieving certain milestones.
Ten: Join a support group
Meet and interact with other families of children with developmental needs. Learning from one another can be very empowering for parents who are experiencing similar care-giving journeys.
If you encounter insensitive remarks about your child from strangers, instead of feeling discriminated against and angry, hold your head high and learn to be proud of what you are doing to raise a child with special needs.